The Miracle Of Toilet Paper
Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror, complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling her it's not so, her husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.
"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."
Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. "How long will this take?" she asks.
"They will grow larger over a period of years," he replies.
The wife stops. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"
Without missing a beat the husband says, "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"
He still lives, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again.
Stupid, stupid man.
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Bob's just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon. So Bob heads back to the clubhouse and phones home.
"Hello," says a little girl's voice.
"Hi, honey, it's Daddy," says Bob. "Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank."
After a brief pause, Bob says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!"
"Yes I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!"
"Okay, then. Here's what I want you to do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mommy and Uncle Frank that my car has just pulled up outside the house."
"Okay, Daddy!
A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said, Daddy."
"And what happened?"
"Well, Mommy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out the front window and now she's all dead."
"Oh my God... And what about Uncle Frank?"
"He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool, but he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's all dead too."
There is a long pause, then Bob says, "Swimming pool? Is this 854-7039?"
Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror, complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling her it's not so, her husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.
"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."
Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. "How long will this take?" she asks.
"They will grow larger over a period of years," he replies.
The wife stops. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"
Without missing a beat the husband says, "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"
He still lives, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again.
Stupid, stupid man.
-----------------------------------------------
Bob's just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon. So Bob heads back to the clubhouse and phones home.
"Hello," says a little girl's voice.
"Hi, honey, it's Daddy," says Bob. "Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank."
After a brief pause, Bob says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!"
"Yes I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!"
"Okay, then. Here's what I want you to do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mommy and Uncle Frank that my car has just pulled up outside the house."
"Okay, Daddy!
A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said, Daddy."
"And what happened?"
"Well, Mommy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out the front window and now she's all dead."
"Oh my God... And what about Uncle Frank?"
"He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool, but he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's all dead too."
There is a long pause, then Bob says, "Swimming pool? Is this 854-7039?"
