Job Position
=============
POSITION: Mother, Mom, Mama
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long-term team players needed for challenging permanent work
in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and
organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours,
which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24
hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive
camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments
in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least
temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite
tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a
pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds
flat in case, this time, the screams ! from the backyard are not
someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges such
as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets, and stuck
zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate
production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to
plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and
mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one
minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half
million cheap plastic toys and battery-operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of
the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial
work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same ! position for
years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating
your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass
you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this -- you pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due
when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will
help them become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you
actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are
offered, this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal
growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
=============
POSITION: Mother, Mom, Mama
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long-term team players needed for challenging permanent work
in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and
organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours,
which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24
hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive
camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments
in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least
temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite
tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a
pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds
flat in case, this time, the screams ! from the backyard are not
someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges such
as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets, and stuck
zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate
production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to
plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and
mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one
minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half
million cheap plastic toys and battery-operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of
the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial
work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same ! position for
years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating
your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass
you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this -- you pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due
when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will
help them become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you
actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are
offered, this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal
growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
