The pulse of America-My breakfast from hell

[kosar]

I go to breakfast this morning and the place is packed, so we sit at the counter. After sitting down, there is only one stool available at the counter, the one to my immediate right. Naturally, 3 minutes later, a 300 lb guy with a tank top sits down in that seat. He has horrible BO and every time he extends his arms for any reason, the fumes overwhelm me. I can see this is gonna be pleasant.

So this cat strikes up a conversation with the guy to his right. BO guy is obviously from out of town and he asks the other guy where he could find a car wash that can handle pick-up trucks. Then he asks where a nearby Ford dealership is. Idle chit-chat like that.

Well, there are a couple TV's above the counter and they have the news on. Some footage comes on from Iraq. BO guys new friend opined that we 'should just start shooting anything that moves. Cats, dogs, women, kids, just keep shooting until everyone and evrything is dead and then we can come home.'

That's his plan and BO guy couldn't agree more. In fact, he 'was just telling his friends that exact same thing the other day'. These two guys are made for each other, like Wilson and Dr. Freeze.

Then the BO guy tells his buddy that he's towing his boat over to Miami. Ohhhhh, my. That gets BO's friend off on a rant about how everything in Miami is in Spanish and how they're so stupid that he can't understand the signs and the menus over there. BO guy couldn't agree more and in his toughest voice he explains how he just tells the clerks, etc that 'I DON'T UNDERSTAND WTF YOU'RE SAYING'. He then mused about how 'those spics got their job in the first place'.

BO's friend is sympathetic and tells BO that 'at least in LA, they're all Mexicans. In Miami, they got every Goddamn thing.'

Then they somehow get on the topic of how irritated they get when they get a phone menu that says, 'press one for english and two for spanish'. They really don't like that at all. I assume it confuses them.

Then they got all pumped up when BO mentioned how Bill Cosby really 'cut up on those n*****s the other day'. They really liked that. Personal responsibility and all, but they put it in slightly saltier terms.

Screw the elite, clowns like this are Bush's 'base'.

 

[Eddie Haskell]

Can't believe you had breakfast with Saint and Nosigar. How are those guys?

Eddie

 

[gardenweasel]

you guys are really hitting the lowest level of discourse.......that`s utterly pathetic...

kosar....you have a brain...try using it..

 

[kosar]

Jeez GW,

I was just relaying the details of my interesting breakfast. I guess you had to be there.

 

[Penguinfan]

Say hi to Johnny Knockdown and Beantownjim for me next time.

 

[auspice]

Just because you now live in the south doesn't mean you have to go so native. 'Grits are Us' restaurtant chains are always busy for breakfast. Best to hit them at midnight after you've suitably liquored up. Maybe a step-up to 'Waffle House' for breakfast if your budget permits. Better class of customers and they got indoor toilets.

p.s. Poke salad, racoon gravy and grits are not typically found on most restuartant's 'continental breakfast' menus so you might be a little taken back on your Atlantic City trip. BTW....it could have been worse. Big Action and TA could have shown up.

 

[dawgball]

kosar--I'm cracking up at your story. That's why I love eating at diners when I'm on the road. There are always interesting and extremely enlightening conversations going down.

p.s. I think every good, greasy diner has their resident BO guy. This guy must have been scouting new territory!

 

[MAJOR MARTY]

==== You Only Are Obligated To Tip 10% At The Counter ! ====

==== You Only Are Obligated To Tip 10% At The Counter ! ====

I go to breakfast this morning and the place is packed, so we sit at the counter. After sitting down, there is only one stool available at the counter, the one to my immediate right. Naturally, 3 minutes later, a 300 lb guy with a tank top sits down in that seat. He has horrible BO and every time he extends his arms for any reason, the fumes overwhelm me. I can see this is gonna be pleasant.

So this cat strikes up a conversation with the guy to his right. BO guy is obviously from out of town and he asks the other guy where he could find a car wash that can handle pick-up trucks. Then he asks where a nearby Ford dealership is. Idle chit-chat like that.

Well, there are a couple TV's above the counter and they have the news on. Some footage comes on from Iraq. BO guys new friend opined that we 'should just start shooting anything that moves. Cats, dogs, women, kids, just keep shooting until everyone and evrything is dead and then we can come home.'

That's his plan and BO guy couldn't agree more. In fact, he 'was just telling his friends that exact same thing the other day'. These two guys are made for each other, like Wilson and Dr. Freeze.

Then the BO guy tells his buddy that he's towing his boat over to Miami. Ohhhhh, my. That gets BO's friend off on a rant about how everything in Miami is in Spanish and how they're so stupid that he can't understand the signs and the menus over there. BO guy couldn't agree more and in his toughest voice he explains how he just tells the clerks, etc that 'I DON'T UNDERSTAND WTF YOU'RE SAYING'. He then mused about how 'those spics got their job in the first place'.

BO's friend is sympathetic and tells BO that 'at least in LA, they're all Mexicans. In Miami, they got every Goddamn thing.'

Then they somehow get on the topic of how irritated they get when they get a phone menu that says, 'press one for english and two for spanish'. They really don't like that at all. I assume it confuses them.

Then they got all pumped up when BO mentioned how Bill Cosby really 'cut up on those n*****s the other day'. They really liked that. Personal responsibility and all, but they put it in slightly saltier terms.

Screw the elite, clowns like this are Bush's 'base'.

I DIDN'T KNOW THEY SERVED WINE AND CHEESE FOR BREAKFAST ???

 

[SixFive]

funny story. Almost as good as the grocery store thread, but not quite. What u didn't mention was your response to them. I assume u stood up for your beliefs? I'm not saying fight them, but at least give some alternative, 'centrist' views. BO guy and his friend did have some points although they seem to have been expressed in a very unkind way. I wouldn't mind more shooting everybody with a WEAPON that moves in Iraq, but certainly not women, kids, and dogs. I also have said something similar to what BO said to the Miami people except mine was to a telemarketer. Something like, "Ma'am, I can not understand wth you are saying, and since all u can do is poorly read from that script and not answer any questions, I'm hanging up." However, the telemarketer was Indian I think. Spanish speakers I don't mind as much because I can understand a bit of their language if they speak slowly. I also like what Cosby said at the Rainbow Push, and I think it applies to all races, more accountability and less finger pointing.

Auspice, that's a clever reference u made to Southern food. So original, especially with the grits, you must get your material from Eddie's source.

 

[kosar]

What u didn't mention was your response to them. I assume u stood up for your beliefs? I'm not saying fight them, but at least give some alternative, 'centrist' views.

SixFive,

Perhaps i'm in the minority, but I don't make a habit of butting into total strangers conversations that I overhear at diners. And what exactly could I add? 'Sir, I don't think shooting women, children and pets is the answer'.

Or maybe, 'if you hate Miami and you hate all dem foreign talkers, then why are you going there'?

 

[auspice]

six-five

"Auspice, that's a clever reference u made to Southern food. So original, especially with the grits, you must get your material from Eddie's source."
____________

Why is it you can't laugh at yourself like everyone else does. I'm from Kentucky originally as were my parents so I'm very aware of the cultural heritage of the south. All anyone has to do is drive through the south and listen to any local radio show and listen to them laughing about themselves to know it isn't serious. It's a joke man. But you already knew that. It's just another opportunity for you right? Getim' big guy.

 

[SixFive]

SixFive,

Perhaps i'm in the minority, but I don't make a habit of butting into total strangers conversations that I overhear at diners. And what exactly could I add? 'Sir, I don't think shooting women, children and pets is the answer'.

Or maybe, 'if you hate Miami and you hate all dem foreign talkers, then why are you going there'?

How big a boy are you, Kosar (u familiar with Roy D. Mercer?)? I usually don't butt in with total strangers either, but if I had to sit there and be exposed to what I thought was total bs coming from the trap of dude with horrible BO, I would have had to say something or leave. When the occasion arises, I have butted in before.

 

[kosar]

How big a boy are you, Kosar (u familiar with Roy D. Mercer?)? I usually don't butt in with total strangers either, but if I had to sit there and be exposed to what I thought was total bs coming from the trap of dude with horrible BO, I would have had to say something or leave. When the occasion arises, I have butted in before.

I'm not a big guy, but even if I was 'Six Five' I still wouldn't butt in. I hardly think that's the point. I, and I imagine everybody from their own reference, am 'exposed' to total BS all the time. Honestly, I have no desire to get into a race-relations 'discussion' with every bigoted moron that I come across. Or try to explain why his genocidal plan in Iraq isn't really that feasible.

The BO was not at all pleasant, but I was with somebody and the wait for a table was an hour and we were hungry. The BO didn't waft far enough to my left to affect my girlfriend, so I took one for the team on that front.

 

[SixFive]

U missed my thought. If u aren't familiar with Roy D. Mercer, he is a personality portrayed by a radio morning show host that prank calls people, and it's one of the funniest things. U can download them on the net. He always says, "How big a boy are you?" in his bit, and that's what I thought of.



auspice, I just hate all the Southern slams I see on here and elsewhere. So many people have never been South and have so many ill-informed ideas of how it is. I just hate to see it, kind of a personal thing I don't like. So many people think Southerners are all backward, inbred, illiterate, and just plain stupid. I just assumed u were another guy who has just read things but doesn't really know anything about it. I apologize for that, and yes, I do think a lot of things like talk radio parody are funny (as long as it's Southern people doing it see my reference to Roy D. Mercer above). Where in Ky are u from?

 

[kosar]

U missed my thought. If u aren't familiar with Roy D. Mercer, he is a personality portrayed by a radio morning show host that prank calls people, and it's one of the funniest things. U can download them on the net. He always says, "How big a boy are you?" in his bit, and that's what I thought of.

Oh, my bad. No, I didn't get the Roy Mercer reference. I'm not familiar with that bit or, I guess, that morning show. Where can you download that stuff from? Good prank calls can't be beat.

 

[auspice]

I was born in Pike county, as were my parents. I'm older than you as I'm 53. My parents are gone (both COPDers) but when we were young there were always trips back to see family. My parents were certainly raised in the 'country' as they both attended one room schools in their youth and it didn't seem to hurt them one bit. They both had amazing memories and I usually wish I had some of their abilities.

p.s. I'm in no way insenuating that Kentucky is backwards. We just happen to be from perhaps the most backwoods spot it has to offer. I'm very, very aware that most of Kentucky is well into the 21st century as a trip to any of it's cities will attest to. I recently took my old sunday school teacher (age 76) back to her home in franklin and was very impressed with even the smaller metro areas. Too bad Ohio is the pits. My relatives live here and I'm attached to the local sports but good grief. They lead the nation in pollution spilled out into the air. Report last week had the city of Columbus rain having 15 times the mercury content than what is considered toxic by the epa in lake erie. Maybe Baja will be nicer.

 

[Chanman]

I'm not a big guy, but even if I was 'Six Five' I still wouldn't butt in.
The BO didn't waft far enough to my left to affect my girlfriend, so I took one for the team on that front.

It is ironic, at least to me, that you'll keep quiet then, yet later you post the scenario on the internet and then comment.

Looks like I found a new sig too.

 

[kosar]

It is ironic, at least to me, that you'll keep quiet then, yet later you post the scenario on the internet and then comment.

Looks like I found a new sig too.

lol-surely you can see the difference, but maybe not. Although I might not engage a person asking for four seperate receipts at 7/11 doesn't mean that some other people might not find it interesting or funny. Just venting, in a way, as people don't generally go around eavesdropping (intentionally or not) and then butting into the conversation or chiding people for holding up the line. Got it?

 

[Nosigar]

That conversation reminds me of the good ole days back in the Louisiana swamps. Oh, man, the simple times. Too bad I'm a spic-redneck. I'd fit right in if not. I'm such a racist.
Maybe I should grow a ponytail and gain 200 lbs. so I can look like Eddie "the independent". :yup Or maybe a mullet.

But seriously, Kosar, it's gotta be something listening to people speak english all the time in any place of business. It's pretty rare in this neck of the woods. I have to go up to Palm Beach for that kind of treat. :wall:

 

[kosar]

That conversation reminds me of the good ole days back in the Louisiana swamps. Oh, man, the simple times. Too bad I'm a spic-redneck. I'd fit right in if not. I'm such a racist.
Maybe I should grow a ponytail and gain 200 lbs. so I can look like Eddie "the independent". :yup Or maybe a mullet.

But seriously, Kosar, it's gotta be something listening to people speak english all the time in any place of business. It's pretty rare in this neck of the woods. I have to go up to Palm Beach for that kind of treat. :wall:

lol- hey, I don't disagree that given a choice between everybody speaking English or 25% speaking English, i'll take the former.

Honestly, that's why I would never live in Dade county. But it was funny(?) the way these guys expressed it.

The Miami airport is the single biggest hellhole of any airport in America. I HATE that place and I will do anything to avoid it. Partially because of some of the aforementioned thoughts, but also for a ton of other reasons.

You don't have to go all the way up to Palm Beach, though. Maybe to Hallandale. But then you'd run into the huge flock of French-Canadians running around in their speedos. That's enough to send anyone flying back to Liberty City.