This guy walks into a bar.............

[yyz]

A man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm. His girlfriend is lying quietly in bed, reading. The man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."

The girlfriend looks up, bored, and replies, "I think you'll find, that's a sheep." The man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."


:clap:

 

[THE KOD]

and you think thats funny

 

[RAYMOND]

:help:

 

[freelancc]

:help:

:mj07: :mj07:

 

[danmurphy jr]

Guy walks into a bar with a frog sitting on his head. He goes up to the bar to order a drink and the bartender says, "where'd you get that thing? The frog says "I don't know, it started out as a wart on my ass".

 

[THE KOD]

dan

I like that one.

thats a good one.

 

[THE KOD]

Lady walks into a bar with a goose under her arm.

Drunk walks up and says " where did you get the pig ?"

Lady says.... its not a pig its a goose.

Drunk says .... " I wasn't talking to you"

 

[no pepper]

guy walks into a gay bar, bartender says, "Can I push your stool up for you?"

 

[beantownjim]

JACK DO YOU WANT ME TO MOVE THIS THREAD TO THE DUMPSTER OR WILL YOU MAN THESE JOKES SUCK :help:


I WILL NEVER FORGET THE GREAT CASCADE ROBBERY OF 2003 THE DAY LENNY AND CASCADE SPORTSBOOK STOLE 660 DOLLARS FROM ME.(THANK GOD THESE CROOKS ARE OUT OF BUSINESS)

 

[Eddie Haskell]

A priest, a rabbi and a midget walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, "Is this a joke?"

Eddie

 

[kosar]

A priest, a rabbi and a midget walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, "Is this a joke?"

Eddie

:nooo:

 

[ocelot]

Eddie, THAT was good.

 

[bjfinste]

A priest, a rabbi and a midget walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, "Is this a joke?"

Eddie

I've actually heard that one before. Deceptively funny. Although I think the version I heard had the bartender saying, "Is this some kind of a f*cking joke???"

 

[twofingers]

Guy walks into a bar and sees a help wanted sign for a piano player. He tells the owner that he would like to apply for the job. owner says fine, why don't you play me a song so i can see how good you are.

Guy sits down and plays a lovely melody. Owners say "i have have never heard that before. Did you write that yourself?

Guy says " Yes I did'
Owner asked " What is it called"
Guy say " I want to bend your wife over my bench and nail her"
Owner asks him to play another one. The guy does and again the owner asks him the name of the song and if he wrote it.

The guy replies" Yes I did. It's called "I want to jerk off on your tits"

The owner says "you got the job but if a customer asks the name of a song just say "I don't know"

The guys first night goes great. Big crowd, everyone loves him, owner is real happy. After his first set, the guy has a drink at the bar and then heads to the bathroom. On his way out, a guy at a table stops him . "Do you know your fly is open and your dick is hanging out?"

The guys says " Know it? I wrote the ****er"

 

[yyz]

:clap: :scared :clap:

 

[THE KOD]

two

haha thats a good one....


Penguin walks into a bar jumps up on the bar and says got any grapes ?

Bartender says we don't have grapes here now get out.

Next day Penguin comes in again jump up on the bar and says

Got any grapes ?

Bartender screams We dont have any grapes and if ask that again I am going to nail your webbed feet to the bar.

Next day Penguin comes in to the bar jumps up on the bar and says..... Got any Nails ?

Batender screams We don't have any NAILS here !

Penguin says.... Then do you have any grapes ?

 

[vanbasten]

a horse walks into a bar and sits down.

bartender comes over and says "hey, why the long face?"

 

[Blitz]

a horse walks into a bar and sits down.

bartender comes over and says "hey, why the long face?"

That wasn't a horse it was John Kerry

 

[taoist]

"A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. 'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too."

 

[taoist]

That wasn't a horse it was John Kerry

I thought it was Celine Dion?




A kangaroo walks into a bar. He orders a beer. The bartender says, "That'll be $10. You know, we don't get many kangaroos coming in here, you know." The kangaroo says, "At $10 a beer, it's not hard to understand."