Vacation(Joke)

[Cricket]

A young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean, but just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.





"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."





With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy, the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn. Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.





"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.



"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy ."





"I see," the captain says.





Her conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."





"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."

 

[hedgehog]

:0003

 

[Sportsaholic]

A beautiful young lady with no arms or legs was propped up on a towel at the beach all alone.....A strapping young lad walk along the sand noticed her and sees her crying.....

The lad kneels down beside her and asks "Why are you crying Hun?".....The young gal relied "All my life I've wanted someone strong and handsome to pick me up and hold me"....The lad feels bad for her and scopes her up and gives her a BIG HUG then sits her back on the towel.....Just as he's about to go back along the beach she starts to cry again.....

"Why are you crying again Hun?".....The young gal says "All my life I've wanted someone strong and handsome to pick me up and embrace me with a kiss".....The lad feels a little strange but still bends down and picks her back up and gives her a deep passionate kiss.....He again sets her back down on the towel and starts to leave....

After a few steps in the sand he hears her crying yet again...."Hun, why are you still crying?".....The gal looks deep into his eyes and replies "All my life I've wanted someone strong and handsome to pick me up and fuck me"....

The young lad thinks about this for a second and walks over picks her back up and tosses her into the ocean then yells...."Well you're FUCKED now".....

 

[Himesed]

5-story hotel

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads "For Women Only", and they go in.
The bouncer explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."
They start going up and on the first floor the sign reads, "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor. The sign on the second floor reads, "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up. They reach the third floor and the sign reads, "All the men here are tall and plain." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continue on up. On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect. "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and they realize that there is still one floor left. They head on up to the fifth floor. On the fifth floor they find a sign that reads, "There are no men here... and there is no way to please a woman."