~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bob's just about to set off on a round of golf when he
realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who
fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon. So Bob
heads back to the clubhouse and phones home.
'Hello?', says a little girl's voice.
'Hi, honey, it's Daddy', says Bob. 'Is Mummy near the
phone'?
'No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank'.
After a brief pause, Bob says, 'But you haven't got an Uncle
Frank, honey!'
'Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mummy!'
'Okay, then. Here's what I want you to do ... put down the
phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout
to Mummy and Uncle Frank that my car's just pulled up
outside the house'.
'Okay, Daddy'.
A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the
phone. 'Well, I did what you said, Daddy!'
And what happened?'
'Well, Mummy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran
around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out
the front window and now she's all dead'.
'Oh, my God .... and what about Uncle Frank?'
'He jumped out of bed with no clothes on, too, and he was
all scared and he jumped out the back window into the
swimming pool, but he must have forgot that last week you
took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of
the swimming pool and now he's dead, too'.
There is a long pause, then Bob says ........'Swimming
pool? Is this 854-7039?!!!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A middle aged man and a woman fell in love and decided to
get married.
On their wedding night they settle into the bridal suite at
their hotel and the bride says to her new groom, "Please
promise to be gentle,... I am still a virgin."
The startled groom asks, "How can that be? You've been
married 3 times before."
The bride responds...
"Well you see it was this way: My first husband was a
psychiatrist and all he ever wanted to do was talk about it."
"My second husband was a gynecologist and all he ever wanted
to do was look at it."
"And my third husband was a stamp collector and all he ever
wanted to do was............. God I miss him!"
"But you're a lawyer, so now I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man returned home from the night shift and went straight
up to the bedroom. He found his wife with the sheet pulled
over her head, fast asleep. Not to be denied, the horny
husband crawled under the sheet and proceeded to make
love to her.
Later, he hurried downstairs for something to eat, he
was startled to find breakfast on the table and his wife
pouring coffee.
"How'd you get down here so fast?" he asked. "We just made
love!"
"Oh my God," his wife gasped, "That's my mother up there!
She came over early and had complained of having a
headache. I told her to lie down for awhile."
Rushing upstairs, the wife ran to the bedroom. "Mother, I
can't believe this happened. Why didn't you say something?"
The mother-in-law huffed, "I haven't spoken to that jerk for
fifteen years and I wasn't about to start now!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bob's just about to set off on a round of golf when he
realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who
fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon. So Bob
heads back to the clubhouse and phones home.
'Hello?', says a little girl's voice.
'Hi, honey, it's Daddy', says Bob. 'Is Mummy near the
phone'?
'No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank'.
After a brief pause, Bob says, 'But you haven't got an Uncle
Frank, honey!'
'Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mummy!'
'Okay, then. Here's what I want you to do ... put down the
phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout
to Mummy and Uncle Frank that my car's just pulled up
outside the house'.
'Okay, Daddy'.
A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the
phone. 'Well, I did what you said, Daddy!'
And what happened?'
'Well, Mummy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran
around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out
the front window and now she's all dead'.
'Oh, my God .... and what about Uncle Frank?'
'He jumped out of bed with no clothes on, too, and he was
all scared and he jumped out the back window into the
swimming pool, but he must have forgot that last week you
took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of
the swimming pool and now he's dead, too'.
There is a long pause, then Bob says ........'Swimming
pool? Is this 854-7039?!!!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A middle aged man and a woman fell in love and decided to
get married.
On their wedding night they settle into the bridal suite at
their hotel and the bride says to her new groom, "Please
promise to be gentle,... I am still a virgin."
The startled groom asks, "How can that be? You've been
married 3 times before."
The bride responds...
"Well you see it was this way: My first husband was a
psychiatrist and all he ever wanted to do was talk about it."
"My second husband was a gynecologist and all he ever wanted
to do was look at it."
"And my third husband was a stamp collector and all he ever
wanted to do was............. God I miss him!"
"But you're a lawyer, so now I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man returned home from the night shift and went straight
up to the bedroom. He found his wife with the sheet pulled
over her head, fast asleep. Not to be denied, the horny
husband crawled under the sheet and proceeded to make
love to her.
Later, he hurried downstairs for something to eat, he
was startled to find breakfast on the table and his wife
pouring coffee.
"How'd you get down here so fast?" he asked. "We just made
love!"
"Oh my God," his wife gasped, "That's my mother up there!
She came over early and had complained of having a
headache. I told her to lie down for awhile."
Rushing upstairs, the wife ran to the bedroom. "Mother, I
can't believe this happened. Why didn't you say something?"
The mother-in-law huffed, "I haven't spoken to that jerk for
fifteen years and I wasn't about to start now!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
