NOTICES TO STAFF?
> > >
> > >
> > > FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> > >
> > > TO: All Employees
> > >
> > > DATE: December 1, 2006
> > >
> > > RE: Christmas Party
> > >
> > > I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill
House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band
playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised
if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:
00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no
gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's
pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
> > >
> > > Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
> > >
> > > Merry Christmas to you and your family.
> > >
> > > Patty
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> > >
> > > TO: All Employees
> > >
> > > DATE: December 02, 2006
> > >
> > > RE: Holiday Party
> > >
> > > In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides
with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on
we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other
employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation
Day. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We
will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
> > >
> > > Happy now?
> > >
> > > Happy Holidays to you and your family.
> > >
> > > Patty
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> > >
> > > TO: All Employees
> > >
> > > DATE: December 03, 2006
> > >
> > > RE: Holiday Party
> > >
> > > Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to
accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA
Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?
> > >
> > > Somebody?
> > >
> > > Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since
the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe
$10.00 is a little chintzy.
> > >
> > > NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
> > >
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> > >
> > > To: All Employees
> > >
> > > DATE: December 04, 2006
> > >
> > > RE: Holiday Party
> > >
> > > What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the
Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a
luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'
beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the
end of the party- or else package everything for you to take it home in little
foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
> > >
> > > Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit
farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest
to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not
have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be
flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to
cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats for
short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot
control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood
pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics,
the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
> > >
> > > Did I miss anything?!?!?
> > >
> > > Patty
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> > >
> > > TO: All fawking Employees
> > >
> > > DATE: December 05, 2006
> > >
> > > RE: The fawking Holiday Party
> > >
> > > Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep
this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly
put it, and you'll get your fawking salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But
you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've
heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a
rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die,
> > >
> > > The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
> > >
> > > DATE: December 06, 2006
> > >
> > > RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
> > >
> > > I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery
and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management
has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of
the 23rd off with full pay.
> > >
> > > Happy Holiday
> > >
> > >
> > > FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> > >
> > > TO: All Employees
> > >
> > > DATE: December 1, 2006
> > >
> > > RE: Christmas Party
> > >
> > > I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill
House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band
playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised
if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:
00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no
gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's
pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
> > >
> > > Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
> > >
> > > Merry Christmas to you and your family.
> > >
> > > Patty
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> > >
> > > TO: All Employees
> > >
> > > DATE: December 02, 2006
> > >
> > > RE: Holiday Party
> > >
> > > In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides
with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on
we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other
employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation
Day. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We
will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
> > >
> > > Happy now?
> > >
> > > Happy Holidays to you and your family.
> > >
> > > Patty
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> > >
> > > TO: All Employees
> > >
> > > DATE: December 03, 2006
> > >
> > > RE: Holiday Party
> > >
> > > Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to
accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA
Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?
> > >
> > > Somebody?
> > >
> > > Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since
the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe
$10.00 is a little chintzy.
> > >
> > > NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
> > >
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> > >
> > > To: All Employees
> > >
> > > DATE: December 04, 2006
> > >
> > > RE: Holiday Party
> > >
> > > What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the
Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a
luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'
beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the
end of the party- or else package everything for you to take it home in little
foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
> > >
> > > Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit
farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest
to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not
have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be
flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to
cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats for
short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot
control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood
pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics,
the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
> > >
> > > Did I miss anything?!?!?
> > >
> > > Patty
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> > >
> > > TO: All fawking Employees
> > >
> > > DATE: December 05, 2006
> > >
> > > RE: The fawking Holiday Party
> > >
> > > Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep
this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly
put it, and you'll get your fawking salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But
you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've
heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a
rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die,
> > >
> > > The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
> > >
> > > DATE: December 06, 2006
> > >
> > > RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
> > >
> > > I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery
and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management
has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of
the 23rd off with full pay.
> > >
> > > Happy Holiday
