I love Little Johnny

[MadJack]

:mj07:

One day in school, the teacher decides to play 20 questions.

So the teacher says "OK kids, I am thinking of something round, and red"

Little Suzy pipes up "I know, it's a tomato".

"No but you're thinking, it's an apple" replies the teacher.

So Little Johnny stands up, places his hand in his pocket and says "I am holding onto something that is round, hard, and has a head on it"

"Go to the principals office" says the teacher.

"No but you're thinking", say Johnny, "It's a quarter"

 

[Morris]

One day the teacher walked to the back of the room where Johnny was, and he had his hand down his pants.

The Teacher asked, "Johnny, what are you doing?"

Then, Johnny said, "It hurts down there."

"Well then, you need to go to the nurse and see if you can go home", said the teacher.

A little while later, Johnny came back to classroom and sat back down.

Then the teacher came to the back of the room again, and he had his dick haging out of his pants.

The teacher said, "Johnny, what's that doing hanging out of your pants?!"

Then Johnny said, "My mommy said if I can stick it out until noon, she'll come and pick me up."

 

[MadJack]

The teacher in Johnny's school asked the class what their mothers did for a living.

One little girl said her mother was a doctor, another said her mother was an engineer.

When it was Little Johnny's turn, he stood up and said "My mom's a whore."

Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal's office. Then, 15 minutes later, he returned. So the teacher asked "Did you tell the principal what you said in class?"

Johnny said "Yes"

"Well, what did the principal say?"

"He said that every job is important in our economy, gave me an apple and asked for my phone number."

 

[vinnie]

FatAss Santa :sadwave:

 

[MadJack]

FatAss Santa :sadwave:

"I'll fuck you up." :mj07:

 

[hedgehog]

LITTLE JOHNNY IS A STRAIGHT MAN

Little Johnny was asked by his teacher to spell "straight," little Johnny did so without error.

"Bravo," said the teacher, "now, what does it mean?"

"Without water in it. :142smilie

 

[hedgehog]

Little Johnny came home from school one day and said to his father, "Dad, what can you tell me about politics? I have to learn about it for school tomorrow."

The father thought some and said, "Okay, son, the best way I can describe politics is to use an analogy. Let's say that I'm capitalism because I'm the breadwinner. Your mother will be government because she controls everything, our maid will be the working class because she works for us, you will be the people because you answer to us, and your baby brother will be the future. Does that help any?"

Little Johnny said, "Well, Dad, I don't know, but I'll think about what you said."

Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, Johnny was woken up by his brother's crying. Upon further investigation, he found a dirty diaper. So, he went down the hall to his parent's bedroom and found his father's side of the bed empty and his mother wouldn't wake up. Then he saw a light on in the guest room down the hall, and when he reached the door, he saw through the crack that his father was in bed with the maid.

Because he couldn't do anything else, he turned and went back to bed.

The next morning, he said to his father at the breakfast table, "Dad, I think I understand politics much better now."

"Excellent, my boy," he answered, "What have you learned?"

Little Johnny thought for a minute and said, "I learned that capitalism is screwing the working class, while the government is sound asleep ignoring the people, and the future's full of shit."

 

[hedgehog]

:142smilie :142smilie

Little Johnny walks into his parents room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts. Worried about what her son has seen she dress?s quickly and goes to find him.

Little Johnny sees his mom and asks "What were you and dad doing?"

The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."

"You?re wasting your time," say?s Little Johnny.

"Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled.

"Well, when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

 

[hedgehog]

For his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."

The next day the father saw Little Johnny heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"

Little Johnny told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage & no bike."

 

[PaSprint]

One day in school the teacher asked the class to tell her something that is cute.
Little Suzy in the front row raised her hand and the teacher called on her. Suzy said, I have a little puppy and he is cute. Very good Suzy! exclaimed the teacher.
Meanwhile little Johnny is in the back row with his hand raised high.
Marky in the second row raised his hand and the teacher called on him. Marky said, I have a little kitty at home and my little kitty is cute! Very, very good Marky boasted the teacher.
By now little Johnny is jumping out of his seat. No other students had their hands raised and the teacher cautiously said. OK Johnny, what do you think is cute?
Johnny popped out of his seat and marched to the blackboard.... picked up the chalk and made a big white dot on the blackboard... and walked back to his seat.
Puzzled, the teacher said, Johnny what is that??? Johnny answered... thats a period ma'am and periods are cute!!
The teacher, almost afraid for an explaination, asked Johnny, Why are periods cute?
Johnny boasted, Well ma'am, last night at supper my big sister said her period was 3 weeks late and my dad said, Well now....thats real fucking CUTE!

 

[MadJack]

One day in school the teacher asked the class to tell her something that is cute.
Little Suzy in the front row raised her hand and the teacher called on her. Suzy said, I have a little puppy and he is cute. Very good Suzy! exclaimed the teacher.
Meanwhile little Johnny is in the back row with his hand raised high.
Marky in the second row raised his hand and the teacher called on him. Marky said, I have a little kitty at home and my little kitty is cute! Very, very good Marky boasted the teacher.
By now little Johnny is jumping out of his seat. No other students had their hands raised and the teacher cautiously said. OK Johnny, what do you think is cute?
Johnny popped out of his seat and marched to the blackboard.... picked up the chalk and made a big white dot on the blackboard... and walked back to his seat.
Puzzled, the teacher said, Johnny what is that??? Johnny answered... thats a period ma'am and periods are cute!!
The teacher, almost afraid for an explaination, asked Johnny, Why are periods cute?
Johnny boasted, Well ma'am, last night at supper my big sister said her period was 3 weeks late and my dad said, Well now....thats real fucking CUTE!

:mj07: :mj07:

 

[jhawksoon]

:mj07:

One day in school, the teacher decides to play 20 questions.

So the teacher says "OK kids, I am thinking of something round, and red"

Little Suzy pipes up "I know, it's a tomato".

"No but you're thinking, it's an apple" replies the teacher.

So Little Johnny stands up, places his hand in his pocket and says "I am holding onto something that is round, hard, and has a head on it"

"Go to the principals office" says the teacher.

"No but you're thinking", say Johnny, "It's a quarter"

Here's a better version:

One day in class, Little Johnny's teacher told everyone that she was playing the guessing game. Everyone got excited, so she began. "I have something in my pocket, and it's round, squishy, and fuzzy. What is it?"

Little Johnny's hand shot up first, but the teacher knew better than to call on him. Little Susie raised her hand and the teacher called on her. "It's a peach." Susie said proudly. "No, I'm sorry it's not, Susie. But I like the way you think.", the teacher exclaimed.

Little Barry raised his hand and guessed a hamster. "No, it is not, Barry. But I like the way you think."the teacher replied. "It is actually a tennis ball."

Little Johnny still had his hand raised, so the teacher reluctantly called on him. "Yes, Little Johnny", she said. "I have something in my pocket and it's round, hard, and has a head on it."

The teacher got red faced and told Little Johnny that it was disgusting and that he should apologize. Little Johnny said, "It's actually a quarter, but I like the way you think!"