Guys, this is long, but me being from Texas, I think this is the funniest
thing I have ever read!
Dear Mom:
May 30th:
Just moved to Houston. Now this is a city that knows how to live!!!
Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings.
What a place! I watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It
was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I LOVE it here.
June 14th:
Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an
air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car.
What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a
sun worshiper.
June 30:
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and
rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another
scorcher today, but I love it here.
July 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to
this kind of heat? At least it's kind of windy though. But getting used
to the heat and humidity is taking longer than I expected.
July 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body).
Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson
though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
July 20th:
I missed Morgan (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning.
By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Morgan had died and swollen up
to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $2,000 leather upholstery.
I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like kibbles and
shits. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.
July 25th:
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!!!
And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC
repairman charged $280 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order
parts.
July 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now; $1,500 in damn house
payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here???
August 4th:
It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost
$500 and gets the temperature down to 85, but this freaking humidity makes
the house feel like it's about 95.
Stupid repairman. I hate this stupid city.
August 8th:
If another wise ass cracks, "Hot enough for you today?", I'm going to
strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is
boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet and I smell like baked cat!!!
August 9th:
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts and sat on the black
leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my ass was on fire. I lost 2
layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass. Now my
car smalls like burnt hair, fried ass and baked cat...
August 10th:
The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and sunny. Hot
and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do shit for 2 damn months
and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it
ever rain in this damn desert? Water rationing will be next, so my $1,700
worth of cactus just might dry up and blow into the damn pool. Even the
cactus
can't live in this damn heat.
August 14th:
Welcome to HELL!!!! Temperature got to 115 today. Forgot to crack the
window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The installer came to
fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the
$1,500 house payment to bail me out of jail. Freaking Texas. what kind
of a sick, demented idiot would want to live here?
From Hell,
Your Son
thing I have ever read!
Dear Mom:
May 30th:
Just moved to Houston. Now this is a city that knows how to live!!!
Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings.
What a place! I watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It
was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I LOVE it here.
June 14th:
Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an
air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car.
What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a
sun worshiper.
June 30:
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and
rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another
scorcher today, but I love it here.
July 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to
this kind of heat? At least it's kind of windy though. But getting used
to the heat and humidity is taking longer than I expected.
July 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body).
Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson
though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
July 20th:
I missed Morgan (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning.
By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Morgan had died and swollen up
to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $2,000 leather upholstery.
I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like kibbles and
shits. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.
July 25th:
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!!!
And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC
repairman charged $280 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order
parts.
July 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now; $1,500 in damn house
payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here???
August 4th:
It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost
$500 and gets the temperature down to 85, but this freaking humidity makes
the house feel like it's about 95.
Stupid repairman. I hate this stupid city.
August 8th:
If another wise ass cracks, "Hot enough for you today?", I'm going to
strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is
boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet and I smell like baked cat!!!
August 9th:
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts and sat on the black
leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my ass was on fire. I lost 2
layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass. Now my
car smalls like burnt hair, fried ass and baked cat...
August 10th:
The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and sunny. Hot
and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do shit for 2 damn months
and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it
ever rain in this damn desert? Water rationing will be next, so my $1,700
worth of cactus just might dry up and blow into the damn pool. Even the
cactus
can't live in this damn heat.
August 14th:
Welcome to HELL!!!! Temperature got to 115 today. Forgot to crack the
window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The installer came to
fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the
$1,500 house payment to bail me out of jail. Freaking Texas. what kind
of a sick, demented idiot would want to live here?
From Hell,
Your Son
