A little humor that I recieved..

[bleedingpurple]

Two young businessmen were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-open new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.

One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some idiot is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious old senior walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft accent asked "What are you sellin' here?"

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes."

Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "You're doing well. Only two left."

 

[Morris]

That's good! :mj07:

 

[BADTODABONE]

One day in the future, O.J Simpson has a heart attack and dies.

He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. 'I don't know what to do here,' says the devil. 'You are on my list, but I have no room for you.

You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. 'I've got a few folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves.'

O.J thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.

In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over and over he dove in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.

'No,' O.J said. 'I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long.'

The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was George W. Bush with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time.

'No, this is no good. I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day,' commented O.J.

The devil opened a third door. Through it, O.J saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. O.J looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, 'Yeah man, I can handle this.'

The devil smiled and said 'OK, Monica, you're free to go.'

 

[OAKAS]

Two guys are fishing on a lake. One of the guys has to have a smoke. He asks his fishing buddy if he has a light. The buddie says he has one in his tackle box.

The goes over to the tackle box and pulls out a huge cigarette lighter. This thing is a foot long.

He asks the guy where in the hell did you get such a huge lighter. He says from his genie. The guy says get that old empty bottle of Jim Beam out of his tackle box. He said rub the bottle and make a wish. He does and wishes for a million bucks.

Well the lake suddenly fills up with a bunch of ducks. He says what the hell is going on. I asked for a million bucks and the lake fills up with all these ducks.

The other guy says the genie must be hard of hearing, "I sure as hell did not ask for a 12 inch bic.

 

[BADTODABONE]

An 80-year-old Italian goes to the

doctor for a check-up. The doctor is

amazed at what good shape the guy

is in and asks, 'How do you stay in

such great physical condition?'

I'm Italian and I am a golfer,' says

the old guy, 'and that's why I'm in

such good shape. I'm up well before

daylight and out golfing up and down

the fairways. I have a glass of vino,

and all is well.'

'Well,' says the doctor, 'I'm sure that

helps, but there's got to be more to it.

How old was your Dad when he died?'

'Who said my Dad's dead?'

The doctor is amazed. 'You mean you're

80 years old and your Dad's still alive.

How old is he?'

'He's 100 years old,' says the old Italian

golfer. 'In fact he golfed with me this

morning, and then we went to the topless

beach for a walk and had a little vino and that's why he's still alive.

He's Italian and he's a golfer, too.'

'Well,' the doctor says, 'that's great, but

I'm sure there's more to it than that. How

about your Dad's Dad? How old was he

when he died?'

'Who said my grandpa's dead?'

Stunned, the doctor asks, 'You mean you're

80 years old and your grandfather's still

living! Incredible, how old is he?'

'He's 118 years old,' says the old Italian golfer.

The doctor is getting frustrated at this point,

'So, I guess he went golfing with you this

morning too?'

'No. Grandpa couldn't go this morning

because he's getting married today.'

At this point the doctor is close to losin g it.

'Getting married!! Why would a 118 year-

old guy want to get married?'


'Who said he wanted to?'