Ga ben, I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this but it's something that most of us have (or will have) to face. I have worked in skilled care facilities (nursing homes) and currently work in hospice.
I don't disagree with Garden Weasel in that there can be a degree of apathy found in facilities. Sadly, the almighty dollar rules in these places and administrators will squeeze the pennies until Lincoln screams. Short staffing results in overworked employees which results in compromised care for the residents.
Assisted living differs from a "nursing home" and is as the name implies. Assisted living facilities may or may not even have a nurse on the premises, whereas a nursing home is staffed with a nurse(s) on each unit. If your dad doesn't need skilled care this may be a better option.
Assisted living facilities can range from palatial to dumps and everything in between. The resident can live in a facility with studio apartments, private or semi private rooms and are, as the name implies, assisted with their activities of daily living. Resident are usually given their medications on a scheduled basis by med techs. There are also residential facilities that someone can "buy into", where you originally enter into a villa or apartment, then progress into assisted living, then skilled care when it is necessary.
Another thing to consider is hospice. It is a lifetime benefit paid for by Medicare and offers a multi-discipline team of support for someone facing the end of their life. It is not, as I had always believed, restricted to people with cancer, but is available for end-stage cardiac, respiratory and other diagnoses.
Hospice can be coordinated in a private home, an assisted living facility or a nursing home. It provides an RN to visit each week (or more frequently, if needed) to perform an assessment and communicate with the patient's doctor to assure that the patient is comfortable and pain-free; a hospice aide (CNA) for up to 20 hrs/week to help provide for personal care, meal preparation, light housekeeping, etc.; a social worker to assist the family with all available resources available to them, including healthcare POA, living wills, funeral preplanning, and general counseling and support; a chaplain to provide spiritual support or help coordinate spiritual support within one's faith and volunteer services that can range from "buddy programs" to telephone support.
Whatever you decide, make your selection carefully and be picky. This is your dad! Pay a surprise visit to a facility and ask for a tour. Talk to residents while you're there (they aren't all demented) and ask their opinions. All nursing homes are licensed and are required to meet standards of care. Check out their record with the state and look up the complaints or deficiencies noted in their inspections.
Feel free to get my e-mail from Jack if you would like to discuss it further.
