Attacking e-mails.. help

[Box and one]

I'm looking for a word or sentence that involves e-mails.... I have a parent who writes crazy letters to me at school...they use 6 inch fonts,colored,bold,etc...this style of communication is so confrontational....Why are you doing this to my kid

What is the word I'm looking for describing this style? I have a letter written up about how your style is easily interpreted as aggressive,etc..but what is the word I'm missing describing this...is there a word? Thank's..

 

[Mr. Poon]

abrasive?

 

[LetsMakeMoney]

I'm looking for a word or sentence that involves e-mails.... I have a parent who writes crazy letters to me at school...they use 6 inch fonts,colored,bold,etc...this style of communication is so confrontational....Why are you doing this to my kid

What is the word I'm looking for describing this style? I have a letter written up about how your style is easily interpreted as aggressive,etc..but what is the word I'm missing describing this...is there a word? Thank's..

sleybons kid goes to ur school??

 

[marine]

I'm looking for a word or sentence that involves e-mails.... I have a parent who writes crazy letters to me at school...they use 6 inch fonts,colored,bold,etc...this style of communication is so confrontational....Why are you doing this to my kid

What is the word I'm looking for describing this style? I have a letter written up about how your style is easily interpreted as aggressive,etc..but what is the word I'm missing describing this...is there a word? Thank's..

email ettiquette

 

[Woodson]

Hostile

emotional venting aimed at relieving the writer?s anxiety

Make sure to avoid the three ?A?s?: admonishments, advice and apologies.

 

[Woodson]

Example of BIFF Response

Joe?s hostile e-mail: ?Jane, I can?t believe you are so stupid as to think I?m going to let you take the children to your boss?s birthday party during my parenting time. Have you no memory of the last six conflicts we?ve had about my parenting time? Or are you having an affair with him? I always knew you would do anything to get ahead! In fact, I remember coming to your office party and witnessing you making a total fool of yourself, including flirting with everyone from the CEO down to the mail-room clerk! Are you high on something? Haven?t you gotten your finances together enough to support yourself yet, without flinging yourself at every Tom, Dick, and Harry???

Jane?s response: ?Thank you for responding to my request to take the children to my office party. Just to clarify, the party will be from 3:00 to 5:00 on Friday at the office, and there will be approximately thirty people there, including several other parents and their school-age children. There will be no alcohol because it is a family-oriented firm, and there will be family-oriented activities. I think it will be a good experience for the kids to see me at my workplace. Since you do not agree, then, of course, I will respect that and withdraw my request, because I recognize that it is your parenting time.?

Comment: Jane kept it brief and did not engage in defending herself. Since this was just between the two of them, she didn?t need to respond. If he sent this e-mail to friends, coworkers, or family members (which high-conflict people often do), she would need to respond to the larger group with more information, such as the following.

Jane?s group response: ?Dear friends and family, as you know, Joe and I had a difficult divorce. He has sent you a private e-mail showing correspondence between us about a parenting schedule matter. I hope you will see this as a private matter and understand that you do not need to respond or get involved in any way. Almost everything he has said is in anger and not at all accurate. If you have any questions for me personally, please feel free to contact me and I will clarify anything I can. I appreciate your friendship and support.?

 

[comfortable1]

Example of BIFF Response

Joe?s hostile e-mail: ?Jane, I can?t believe you are so stupid as to think I?m going to let you take the children to your boss?s birthday party during my parenting time. Have you no memory of the last six conflicts we?ve had about my parenting time? Or are you having an affair with him? I always knew you would do anything to get ahead! In fact, I remember coming to your office party and witnessing you making a total fool of yourself, including flirting with everyone from the CEO down to the mail-room clerk! Are you high on something? Haven?t you gotten your finances together enough to support yourself yet, without flinging yourself at every Tom, Dick, and Harry???

Jane?s response: ?Thank you for responding to my request to take the children to my office party. Just to clarify, the party will be from 3:00 to 5:00 on Friday at the office, and there will be approximately thirty people there, including several other parents and their school-age children. There will be no alcohol because it is a family-oriented firm, and there will be family-oriented activities. I think it will be a good experience for the kids to see me at my workplace. Since you do not agree, then, of course, I will respect that and withdraw my request, because I recognize that it is your parenting time.?

Comment: Jane kept it brief and did not engage in defending herself. Since this was just between the two of them, she didn?t need to respond. If he sent this e-mail to friends, coworkers, or family members (which high-conflict people often do), she would need to respond to the larger group with more information, such as the following.

Jane?s group response: ?Dear friends and family, as you know, Joe and I had a difficult divorce. He has sent you a private e-mail showing correspondence between us about a parenting schedule matter. I hope you will see this as a private matter and understand that you do not need to respond or get involved in any way. Almost everything he has said is in anger and not at all accurate. If you have any questions for me personally, please feel free to contact me and I will clarify anything I can. I appreciate your friendship and support.?

This is good stuff... wish I'd seen this three years ago during divorce but admittedly I wasn't looking for it either. I have a highly confrontational ex-spouse but my responses were typically defensive which escalated the situation. I learned over time to respond in the fashion described above. Things were extremely volatile for awhile but it's calmed down a great deal since.

Anyway, HOSTILE is great descriptive term fitting the scenario Box described. Maybe COMBATIVE would work as well if you want to take it up a notch.

 

[hedgehog]

hostile

 

[no pepper]

agree with comfortable. Also, "cavalier" pertains, as in:

I find your email inappropriate and cavalier. Your giant bold fonts are melodramatic and unecessary.

 

[Happy Hippo]

Online interactions are not a great form of communication, because understanding of one another comes from body language and tone, which is lost in email or forums. This person is obviously trying to convey these unspoken forms of communication through his use of fonts. Great advice from others in this thread. Important not to escalate, and of course everything you say can be documented, so don't say anything you don't want to be quoted on later.

 

[BUCKY1]

And maybe ask if shed like to set up an appointment at the school in your office or something. People dont seem to be that aggresive face-to-face. :shrug:

 

[hawkeye]

I agrgee with HH--bring them in and meet face to face with them and let them know for now on thats the way you would like to communicate.

 

[1%er]

I think you had it with Confrontational?

Provocation?

Opposition?

Or, you can play innocent and suggest to them this

Dear Mr and Mrs Smith.

Thank you for your email about Jimmy. We will take it under advisement.

I would just like to bring to your attention that your email program does not seem to be working correctly.

In the middle of your email it seems your font changes to a 20 point font and your caps lock key gets stuck. I would suggest checking your font option in your email program, or bring it in to the local computer score to see if there is a reason this is happening.

Yours truly,

Mr. Box

 

[WhatsHisNuts]

Thank you for your concern. I welcome the opportunity to discuss this further in person.

End of response. Don't let someone sit behind their computer and try to rope you into something silly. Parents are emotional and irrational. If they have a serious concern, I don't think an email is appropriate.

 

[comfortable1]

Thank you for your concern. I welcome the opportunity to discuss this further in person.

End of response. Don't let someone sit behind their computer and try to rope you into something silly. Parents are emotional and irrational. If they have a serious concern, I don't think an email is appropriate.

:0074

 

[Box and one]

Guys,thank you.You were all helpful.It was just what I was looking for....I'll let you see my letter to them..if you see some of your words in it I want to thank you......I have met these parents in my office many times....they are no longer allowed in my office due to their behavior...they have filed 15 OCR{ Office of Civil Rights} reports against the school.....They are 0-13 with 2 pending.They have filed none since I've been there the past two years...they attack teachers almost everyday...the school lawyers see what they write and let us know how to respond...but in this case I want to write them...again thanks for the helpful hints...

 

[WhatsHisNuts]

Guys,thank you.You were all helpful.It was just what I was looking for....I'll let you see my letter to them..if you see some of your words in it I want to thank you......I have met these parents in my office many times....they are no longer allowed in my office due to their behavior...they have filed 15 OCR{ Office of Civil Rights} reports against the school.....They are 0-13 with 2 pending.They have filed none since I've been there the past two years...they attack teachers almost everyday...the school lawyers see what they write and let us know how to respond...but in this case I want to write them...again thanks for the helpful hints...

Just remember that you are the professional and it is important that you maintain that at all times. I've been in confrontational situations (several times) with the people that work for me. Stay in control and remember who knows what they're doing and who knows jack shit. Since they have already sent you messages regarding their grievances, I should hope you've had plenty of time to rehearse a couple strong points to back up yourself as the professional.

 

[Box and one]

what..nuts..
You are talking to the most professional educator in the state of NY....after 23 years of coaching varsity basketball I got two techs..and both weren't mine...I treat everyone with respect,teachers,students,parents,etc....this is a crazy family that has many problems and blames the school for all of them....they home school their two youngest daughters because of CPS allegations...against them...I knew when I took this position about them. The person I replaced left because of this family...he was younger with 2 young children...I already touched "home plate" and unretired 2 times...one of the reasons I was bought in was to try to deal with these people...and I do with no problem...I can get in my car after school,put on my radio and listen to ESPN and forget everything...and return at the crack of dawn the next day and don't even think of them...it's the e-mails that has gotten out of hand...there were some good ideas from here that I will use...in my letter...again thanks

 

[WhatsHisNuts]

Block their email address. You don't need this crap.