Bachelor Party
- Thread starter hedgehog
- Start date
This story isn?t really 100% about a bachelor party and boy is it long. I got to typing and well this is what happened.
When I was about 23 years old a friend I went to school with from basically age 5-18 got in touch with me and told me he was getting married. He asked if I would be the best man. :scared
I hadn?t seen this guy but maybe 3 times since graduating high school. I couldn?t figure out why he was asking me, as we were never very close except for coincidentally kept following each other from one school to the next as we grew up.
This was a time in my life when I was drinking, gambling, and basically living a life consumed with debauchery. Working an entry level job out of school that I didn?t really care about, and was basically broke or drunk all the time. Now I wasn?t irresponsible per se, but I was walking the fine line between a respectable life and utter chaos; as only someone that age can justify. It?s no wonder that was about when I started lurking here at MadJacks. :toast:
So along comes this friend, who is basically settling down at a time where the concept is abhorrent to me. He is by far the first of my friends to get married, or hell have a stable relationship that I can remember. Getting married and having a family is somewhat unusual even in your early 20?s in the Bay Area, because everything is so goddamn expensive.
He wants me to do what!? Organize the groomsmen; friends of his from college whom I?ve never met. Meet his fianc? for the first time. Meet her family. Rent a tux, buy a gift, Meet a priest?!? And? organize a bachelor party.
Now most of you guys who hang around the General Forum know that I?m of a certain persuasion. As I?ve only met 1 or 2 of you in person what you may or may not know is that I?m not really much of a dandy. Sure around these parts I?m the queerest guy west of BigGayCapper, but in a crowd of San Francisco homos I get comments dripping with contempt like ?oh, you?re gay? You are doing it wrong? :s8:
So the thought of organizing a bachelor party was not terribly appealing to me. The gays you know from TV, sure they would be all about it. They would be looking forward to being one of the girls and having pillow fights with the strippers. Me, I?m not really attracted to girls, and honestly can find that entire gender an off-putting mystery (no offense to the lovely ladies who frequent madjacks, plus I love my mom).
So the wedding gets closer and I?ve done all the meet and greets, and am feeling almost at ease about the situation. But I still haven?t really planned the bachelor party! The other groomsmen live scattered around California, and I am communicating with them primarily on the phone and E-Mail. They all agree we should get Tom drunk and find him some titties to look at, but none of them can sense my discomfort with the entire thing and take the lead. It?s still in my lap and I am about the fuck it up. And I mean royally. I have no clue what to do. :facepalm:
One thing I slowly get a feel for was why he chose me to begin with. See I knew his parents since I was a little kid, and I went to Catholic school with him all the way through high school. Since he is having a full on religious wedding? in a church, and because I was a former altar boy and familiar with how all that works I suppose he felt like I was the only one who could deal with it. My best guess is, while we weren?t close friends AT ALL I think he felt like I was the best and only bridge between his childhood and his new life as a married adult. I also think he worried picking any one of his newer friends from college over each other would cause a rift amongst them. So he brings in a ringer. Me.
Ok fine, that sort of nostalgia is appealing to me in a way. But, religious wedding AND bachelor party?! Very early on in the process I remind him that I?m gay. I think I had alluded to it years earlier as we wrapped up high school, but since we weren?t very close, we never had ?the talk? that I had with all my other friends at the time. So the tally of who knows about me Groom: check , Priest/Both Families/Groomsmen/Everyone Else: No Way.
Since I am not outwardly extremely gay, I never know whether to volunteer the information or not. I?m not so self-centered (this long winded story aside) that I am going to make some large announcement, and the thought of having to individually tell everyone involved one-by-one seems exhausting and sorta embarrassing.
So the wedding rehearsal and subsequent dinner arrives and the wedding is just a couple days away. I still got nothing prepared. I?ve asked around and learned a bit more than I wanted to know about local Strip Joints, but I still don?t know exactly how to proceed. As the dinner goes on and the wine is flowing I start hearing a few murmurs from some of the guys like ?Ok ImFeklhr, what do you have planned for tonight? What are we going to do? Where the women at?? I also see glares in my direction from the parents on both sides, and the priest is at the dinner too! I?m getting it from both ends. Basically :142hump: vs. :00x11
Dinner is over and suddenly the guys all get up and say ?let?s go!? We all stand up and the bride to be takes me aside and says ?Take care of Tom? please? I say, ?yes? all the while thinking about who is going to take care of me.
Honestly the groom doesn?t seem that concerned about finding strippers, but the rest of the groomsman sure do. As we leave the dinner I say to the group ?hey, so how bout we find a bar and get Tom drunk!?, to which they all respond in unison ?STRIP CLUB!!!!!!? I glance at Tom, he looks back at me with a hint of an apology in his eyes. So I had, as a backup, written down the address of Larry Flynts Hustler Club address and stuffed it in my pocket. I respond to all of them ?Someone get a taxi?
So we arrive at the club in a couple taxis and the boys are jumping around like a pack of horny teenagers.
We go inside and get a drink and the girls start making the rounds. Keep in mind this is my very first time in a strip club and I don?t really have a feel for the protocol. Who do you have to give money to, and when? I don?t know. :shrug:
Amongst the guys with us, only one seems to know exactly what to do and he disappears into a back room in a hurry. We eventually get a lap dance for the groom and he seems satisfied with that. My duty of watching him seems mostly an easy one, as he doesn?t ever make a move for a private session. Frankly I don?t even know what the private sessions entail.
Meanwhile, the whole time we are there, one girl after another comes up to and sits next to me and starts that fake flirting they do. What the hell am I supposed to say? I don?t want to come off as some weirdo who won?t engage them in any flirting. So I try to be polite, and engage in the most rudimentary level of flirting I can muster. That seems enough at first, but eventually they all want to get closer and I have to every friggin time this happens whisper in the ear ?listen, you are very beautiful, but I play for the other team, I?m sorry?. This happens practically a dozen times that night. At first I am mortified, embarrassed and annoyed. Eventually I get drunk enough that it becomes almost a fun game. I start trying to think of clever ways of delivering my ?closing line?
?You are hot, but do you have a brother?? etc.
Well the night starts winding down, no disasters like The Hangover have befallen the groom and I am getting ready to call it a night. But, before my duty is over not one but TWO of the groomsmen emerge from the private booths walking with their tails between their legs over to me. ?Hey, ImFeklhr, I know we just met in person like 4 hours ago, but I over extended my um? I?m a bit short? Do you have any money??
One time the girl literally followed him to the table. So, everyone?s favorite homo has to go to the cash machine and take out $200 he would rather be betting on WNBA halftime lines, and hand it over to a couple pathetic breeders who couldn?t control themselves around all those ?beautiful ladies?.
Boys went home to their lonely hotel rooms, groom went home to his lady, and I made a bee-line to the closest gay bar in the hopes of washing away a night lousy with vaginer with some sweaty man action. :0004
When it?s all said and done this is probably pretty tame for a bachelor party story, but when Hedgie brought up the subject it got me thinking about the one and only bachelor party I have ever been to, and what it meant for me. Thanks for indulging me on my trip down memory lane.
ImFeklhr.......that was more typing then Joker did on his book:mj07:
But worth it to read this..........
"Boys went home to their lonely hotel rooms, groom went home to his lady, and I made a bee-line to the closest gay bar in the hopes of washing away a night lousy with vaginer with some sweaty man action."
Now that is classic:142smilie
Oh and gay guys always get the hot chicks. I have never met a gay guy who doesn't have hot looking female friends. Not sure why, but I have yet to meet a gay guy who has ugly chick friends.
But worth it to read this..........
"Boys went home to their lonely hotel rooms, groom went home to his lady, and I made a bee-line to the closest gay bar in the hopes of washing away a night lousy with vaginer with some sweaty man action."
Now that is classic:142smilie
Oh and gay guys always get the hot chicks. I have never met a gay guy who doesn't have hot looking female friends. Not sure why, but I have yet to meet a gay guy who has ugly chick friends.
Hedgie's banging the keyboards trying to find a gay friend now.............:facepalm:
Just the Smilie's tell a great story - Thanks for sharing ImFeklhr
:0008
Last edited:
- Feb 26, 2001
- 13,593
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Confessions of a Bachelor Party
Confessions of a Bachelor Party
Well it was the summer of '89, and my best friend was getting married.
Well me and my other buddy lived in a 2 bedroom townhouse we were renting back then. We organized it pretty well, had the whole thing confined to my apt, so hopefully nobody goes to jail.
We were pretty elaborate organizing it. Bought balloons, food, and a ton of hard liquor and beer. Built a stage in the living room with the stripper pole. Put up flashing lights and had strobe lights. My buddy lined up 2 day stripper from the local Babes, so nothing spectatular there.
The night of the event about 10 guys show up, not everybody knowing each other. The strippers show up, they bring their own boom box with their stripper mix music.
The get the show on the road, doing the regular routine stripping and riding on everybody. Of course everybody is shooting shots of cuervo, and some cheap vodka, and chasing with a lot of beer.
The strippers were ok for what they were, and they stripped it all off us doing the splits, rubbing the pole etc.
Then one of the guys says hey we need strawberries and whip cream to eat off of them, which I didn't have in the frig. So I give the guy $20 and he disappears to the store to get the items,. In the meantime everybody is justing shooting the shit and getting drunk as hell.
Well anyways I don't know exactly what the hell was going on next, cause I was in the kitchen when the dude came back. He brought back fucking strawberry pie filling, you know the stuff that comes in plastic bags, like a gel. Like I said I didn't exactly know what the hell was going on, and all I know Rick comes in with the stripper, they both have red shit all on them and come up to me and start rubbing the shit all over me.
Then I go back into the hallway, to see the rest of the group belly flopping down the hallway, with the strawberry gel, all on them and the floor and wall, and the furniture and shit everything!!!:scared :scared
So what could I do I was drunker than shit, I belly flopped down the hall with them. Don't remember a whole lot after that other than 2 guys that didn't know each other were outside trying to fight each other at 1:30am. So I went out to break it up and my buddy told me the next day, the local sheriff pulled up to see what we were doing, and I was threatening to kick his ass. But I swear I don't remember it. To say the least he thought we killed someone cause we were all covered head to toe with this red shit.
The next morning woke up with the worst hangover ever, and was stuck to my bed. Had to pull the pillow off of my hair and peel myself from the bed cause of all the red sticky shit. Went downstairs and man what a disaster, and found the groom behind a couch, naked. It was that moment I realized that shit happened in my home and I am fucked!!! Oh yeah then I got called by one of the strippers telling me I owed her a boom box, cause her was full of red shit!!
True story you can't make this shit up. Painted those wall 3 times to get my security deposit back, and a friend of mine said he knew who lived in that apt. 10 yrs later and can still see the red shit coming thru the paint.
Confessions of a Bachelor Party
Well it was the summer of '89, and my best friend was getting married.
Well me and my other buddy lived in a 2 bedroom townhouse we were renting back then. We organized it pretty well, had the whole thing confined to my apt, so hopefully nobody goes to jail.
We were pretty elaborate organizing it. Bought balloons, food, and a ton of hard liquor and beer. Built a stage in the living room with the stripper pole. Put up flashing lights and had strobe lights. My buddy lined up 2 day stripper from the local Babes, so nothing spectatular there.
The night of the event about 10 guys show up, not everybody knowing each other. The strippers show up, they bring their own boom box with their stripper mix music.
The get the show on the road, doing the regular routine stripping and riding on everybody. Of course everybody is shooting shots of cuervo, and some cheap vodka, and chasing with a lot of beer.
The strippers were ok for what they were, and they stripped it all off us doing the splits, rubbing the pole etc.
Then one of the guys says hey we need strawberries and whip cream to eat off of them, which I didn't have in the frig. So I give the guy $20 and he disappears to the store to get the items,. In the meantime everybody is justing shooting the shit and getting drunk as hell.
Well anyways I don't know exactly what the hell was going on next, cause I was in the kitchen when the dude came back. He brought back fucking strawberry pie filling, you know the stuff that comes in plastic bags, like a gel. Like I said I didn't exactly know what the hell was going on, and all I know Rick comes in with the stripper, they both have red shit all on them and come up to me and start rubbing the shit all over me.
Then I go back into the hallway, to see the rest of the group belly flopping down the hallway, with the strawberry gel, all on them and the floor and wall, and the furniture and shit everything!!!:scared :scared
So what could I do I was drunker than shit, I belly flopped down the hall with them. Don't remember a whole lot after that other than 2 guys that didn't know each other were outside trying to fight each other at 1:30am. So I went out to break it up and my buddy told me the next day, the local sheriff pulled up to see what we were doing, and I was threatening to kick his ass. But I swear I don't remember it. To say the least he thought we killed someone cause we were all covered head to toe with this red shit.
The next morning woke up with the worst hangover ever, and was stuck to my bed. Had to pull the pillow off of my hair and peel myself from the bed cause of all the red sticky shit. Went downstairs and man what a disaster, and found the groom behind a couch, naked. It was that moment I realized that shit happened in my home and I am fucked!!! Oh yeah then I got called by one of the strippers telling me I owed her a boom box, cause her was full of red shit!!
True story you can't make this shit up. Painted those wall 3 times to get my security deposit back, and a friend of mine said he knew who lived in that apt. 10 yrs later and can still see the red shit coming thru the paint.
