Okay, I know its early in the season, and I'm setting myself up for a fall here. But, it's time to take a look at the list of MLB Deadbeats. This is patterned after the NBA Deadbeats list. Feel free to make corrections and add comments.
THE LIST OF MLB DEADBEATS
1. Detroit Tigers -- Any argument here? This deadbeat team is averaging just 1 measely run per game and 4 hits per game after the first week of the season. It's appalling that these jokers are actually collecting paychecks. This has been one of baseball worst franchises for nearly a decade, and the future looks even worse. This is an awful team that is an embarassment to baseball and the City of Detroit. On second thought, having been to Detroit once, I take that back. This team fits the city perfectly. First place in the raffle: A free three-day trip to Detroit. Second-place: A WEEK in Detroit. Third-place: A house in Detroit. Fourth-place: Tiger's season tickets Fifth place: Lion's season tickets
2. Milwaukee Brewers -- Good baseball town and terrific sports fan base, but a terrible franchise. Like the crosstown Bucks in the NBA, this Milwuakee-based team has no heart and no pride. I hear the front entrance to the Milwaukee bullpen has one of those revolving doors, where the next softball pitcher can make his couple of appearances, then get shuffled back down to the minors in Pawtucket. When they put the player's last name on the back of the jersey, it's with velcro.
3. Texas Rangers -- Except for Rodriguez and Palmeiro (one of the most underrated first basemen of all time), this team is a joke that's about as stale as a Milton Berle routine. They seem to produce the bulk of runs in game when they already have a multi-run cushion versus some dreg in a major league uniform who should be holding a mop instead of a ball, yet often struggle against decent starters. The pitching staff is horrendous. No lead is safe with this team. The worst team of all-time might be the Rangers starters and bull pen over the last three seasons, combined with a collection of Brewers and Tigers, then throw in the manager of the old Seattle Pilots as the zinger. That would be a AAA ballclub, at best. What on God's earth ws Buck Showalter thinking when he accepted a job with this sorry-assed franchise, with no playoff series wins in their entire 31-year history? Jesus man, couldn't you wait until that wonderful job opportunity opens up in Boston about mid-season?
3. Atlanta Braves -- Okay, I know they make the playoffs every single year. But for this franchise to have just one World Series title under their belt with the roster of players they've had in the lineup, which includes one of the best starting rotations of all-time, I call that a major league underacheivement. Plus, any team with grown man who still goes by the name "CHIPPER" as an adult has to make me wonder.
4. NY Mets -- A few years ago, the Baltimore Orioles would have been tagged in this spot, a grossly overpaid and underachieving virus of slobs who waver around the .500 mark and who mentally jerk off every Cannolli-eating dock worker in Queens for five full months out of the year. Favorite Shea Stadium moment: A man brings his two small kids to a Mets game a few years ago, and feels a mist starting to come down on his head. Oddly enough, there is not a cloud in the sky. Then, he sees a deranged fan in the upper deck of the stadium pissing off the rail down to the seats below. Nice work. Too bad the drunk couldn't hit the dugout.
5. Baseball Writers -- Any idiot sportswriter who didn't vote for Alex Rodriquez for MVP last season should be forced to watch all the Tiger's and Brewers games this season, without developing acohol dependency. All Rodriquez did was hit 57 HRs (ML leader), 147 RBIs (ML leader), and hit .300. If those aren't MVP numbers, I don't know what is. Total idiots. The crime of the decade, if you don't count Eminem's Oscar.
HONORABLE MENTION:
-- Chicago Cubs (90 years of misery)
-- Boston Red Sox (why New Englanders get so wrapped up in this joke of a team every season is beyond my comprehension)
-- Chicago White Sox (haven't done a damn thing since Veeck was boss)
-- LA Dodgers (ridiculously high payroll, nothing but disappointment to show for it....gotta' love the Angles now becoming LA's team)
THE GOOD GUYS:
1. Montreal Expos -- This poor downtrodden franchise is like a ship at sea without a port. But man for man, they still play hard in most games and come to play every night. Interesting that it's probably more exciting for Expos to play on the road, since they actually have fans in the seats at the games. Every sports fan should be rooting for this team.
2. Oakland Athletics -- This team can do it all -- good pitching, solid hitting, and is capable of getting on a roll at any moment. Witness their record winning streak last season and rocket start so far this year.
3. NY Yankees -- I can't stand this team and think they have tremendous competitive advantages over the other teams, but you have to put them here because they do perform up to standards every season.
4. Minnesota Twins -- No question, this team belongs, perhaps in the top spot. While the morons who run baseball wanted to dissolve this proud franchise, all Minnesota did was win their division last season and it appears they will contend this season, as well. Dream World Series -- Montreal (NL) versus Minnesota (AL).
5. St. Louis -- Always competitive, good team balance, excellent tradition, good baseball city.
HONORABLE MENTION:
-- Anaheim Angels (probably should be on the list -- all they did was win the World Series last year)
-- Seattle Mariners (plays in tough division -- always gives good effort)
-- Houston Astros (always a darkhorse with an interesting mix of hitting and pitching talent)
-- Nolan Dalla
THE LIST OF MLB DEADBEATS
1. Detroit Tigers -- Any argument here? This deadbeat team is averaging just 1 measely run per game and 4 hits per game after the first week of the season. It's appalling that these jokers are actually collecting paychecks. This has been one of baseball worst franchises for nearly a decade, and the future looks even worse. This is an awful team that is an embarassment to baseball and the City of Detroit. On second thought, having been to Detroit once, I take that back. This team fits the city perfectly. First place in the raffle: A free three-day trip to Detroit. Second-place: A WEEK in Detroit. Third-place: A house in Detroit. Fourth-place: Tiger's season tickets Fifth place: Lion's season tickets
2. Milwaukee Brewers -- Good baseball town and terrific sports fan base, but a terrible franchise. Like the crosstown Bucks in the NBA, this Milwuakee-based team has no heart and no pride. I hear the front entrance to the Milwaukee bullpen has one of those revolving doors, where the next softball pitcher can make his couple of appearances, then get shuffled back down to the minors in Pawtucket. When they put the player's last name on the back of the jersey, it's with velcro.
3. Texas Rangers -- Except for Rodriguez and Palmeiro (one of the most underrated first basemen of all time), this team is a joke that's about as stale as a Milton Berle routine. They seem to produce the bulk of runs in game when they already have a multi-run cushion versus some dreg in a major league uniform who should be holding a mop instead of a ball, yet often struggle against decent starters. The pitching staff is horrendous. No lead is safe with this team. The worst team of all-time might be the Rangers starters and bull pen over the last three seasons, combined with a collection of Brewers and Tigers, then throw in the manager of the old Seattle Pilots as the zinger. That would be a AAA ballclub, at best. What on God's earth ws Buck Showalter thinking when he accepted a job with this sorry-assed franchise, with no playoff series wins in their entire 31-year history? Jesus man, couldn't you wait until that wonderful job opportunity opens up in Boston about mid-season?
3. Atlanta Braves -- Okay, I know they make the playoffs every single year. But for this franchise to have just one World Series title under their belt with the roster of players they've had in the lineup, which includes one of the best starting rotations of all-time, I call that a major league underacheivement. Plus, any team with grown man who still goes by the name "CHIPPER" as an adult has to make me wonder.
4. NY Mets -- A few years ago, the Baltimore Orioles would have been tagged in this spot, a grossly overpaid and underachieving virus of slobs who waver around the .500 mark and who mentally jerk off every Cannolli-eating dock worker in Queens for five full months out of the year. Favorite Shea Stadium moment: A man brings his two small kids to a Mets game a few years ago, and feels a mist starting to come down on his head. Oddly enough, there is not a cloud in the sky. Then, he sees a deranged fan in the upper deck of the stadium pissing off the rail down to the seats below. Nice work. Too bad the drunk couldn't hit the dugout.
5. Baseball Writers -- Any idiot sportswriter who didn't vote for Alex Rodriquez for MVP last season should be forced to watch all the Tiger's and Brewers games this season, without developing acohol dependency. All Rodriquez did was hit 57 HRs (ML leader), 147 RBIs (ML leader), and hit .300. If those aren't MVP numbers, I don't know what is. Total idiots. The crime of the decade, if you don't count Eminem's Oscar.
HONORABLE MENTION:
-- Chicago Cubs (90 years of misery)
-- Boston Red Sox (why New Englanders get so wrapped up in this joke of a team every season is beyond my comprehension)
-- Chicago White Sox (haven't done a damn thing since Veeck was boss)
-- LA Dodgers (ridiculously high payroll, nothing but disappointment to show for it....gotta' love the Angles now becoming LA's team)
THE GOOD GUYS:
1. Montreal Expos -- This poor downtrodden franchise is like a ship at sea without a port. But man for man, they still play hard in most games and come to play every night. Interesting that it's probably more exciting for Expos to play on the road, since they actually have fans in the seats at the games. Every sports fan should be rooting for this team.
2. Oakland Athletics -- This team can do it all -- good pitching, solid hitting, and is capable of getting on a roll at any moment. Witness their record winning streak last season and rocket start so far this year.
3. NY Yankees -- I can't stand this team and think they have tremendous competitive advantages over the other teams, but you have to put them here because they do perform up to standards every season.
4. Minnesota Twins -- No question, this team belongs, perhaps in the top spot. While the morons who run baseball wanted to dissolve this proud franchise, all Minnesota did was win their division last season and it appears they will contend this season, as well. Dream World Series -- Montreal (NL) versus Minnesota (AL).
5. St. Louis -- Always competitive, good team balance, excellent tradition, good baseball city.
HONORABLE MENTION:
-- Anaheim Angels (probably should be on the list -- all they did was win the World Series last year)
-- Seattle Mariners (plays in tough division -- always gives good effort)
-- Houston Astros (always a darkhorse with an interesting mix of hitting and pitching talent)
-- Nolan Dalla
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