Hey guys. Not exactly sure how to even start this....so I guess it's just, out with it.
After 9 years, Samantha and I are going to head our separate ways. About a month ago, she and I were having coffee one Saturday morning.....and out it came from her mouth. She wants to move back to Canada. (That's when I went numb for a minute or so). Once I partially digested what I heard, I am pretty sure I said something completely pathetic like' "and I'm not invited, am I?" Of course, I knew the answer.
The bottom line is that she and I are best friends.....we really are. We never fight and we always get along......but something is missing for her. She feels like our spark just isn't there. As tough as that is to hear, there isn't something I can say to that. If the feeling is gone for her.....it's gone. Apparently, this isn't necessarily a recent development for her. I've known that she's missed her family a lot, and I'm sure that has a little to do with this.....but she just feels like she wants more out of a marriage (which tells me that she and I just have two different views of what marriage is). I always wanted to marry my best friend.....and I did. I can honestly say, through all the good and bad, I wouldn't have seen it end like this, ever.
Now, having said all of that......THIS WILL NOT BECOME A THREAD ABOUT HOW BIG OF A BITCH SHE IS. Fact is, she's not even close to that. She just wants something different, whatever that is. She's not cheating or anything like that either, so there is no need to even bring that into this thread either.
It's taken me this past month to start digesting everything that's going to happen in my life. In the next month, I'm moving, she's leaving, and I'll be a person that once again has to think as an individual.....not as a team. I think that's the absolute hardest thing for me. I'm so used to having her in my life that I always think for 2. Rewiring my brain to think for myself isn't an easy thing. I know myself well enough to know that I'm a nurturer......it's just in my nature. Call it heredity....I got it from my Mom.
I wanted to tell many of you this news personally, but it's hard. A lot of emotions run through me like sadness, shame, failure, etc. As time passes, I am smart enough to know that these emotions will pass. But even as I was touring a new place to live yesterday, it's hard to look around at my potential new place, and just think......this is now my life. I'm 35 and starting over.....and right now, that's a very sad thing for me.
After 9 years, Samantha and I are going to head our separate ways. About a month ago, she and I were having coffee one Saturday morning.....and out it came from her mouth. She wants to move back to Canada. (That's when I went numb for a minute or so). Once I partially digested what I heard, I am pretty sure I said something completely pathetic like' "and I'm not invited, am I?" Of course, I knew the answer.
The bottom line is that she and I are best friends.....we really are. We never fight and we always get along......but something is missing for her. She feels like our spark just isn't there. As tough as that is to hear, there isn't something I can say to that. If the feeling is gone for her.....it's gone. Apparently, this isn't necessarily a recent development for her. I've known that she's missed her family a lot, and I'm sure that has a little to do with this.....but she just feels like she wants more out of a marriage (which tells me that she and I just have two different views of what marriage is). I always wanted to marry my best friend.....and I did. I can honestly say, through all the good and bad, I wouldn't have seen it end like this, ever.
Now, having said all of that......THIS WILL NOT BECOME A THREAD ABOUT HOW BIG OF A BITCH SHE IS. Fact is, she's not even close to that. She just wants something different, whatever that is. She's not cheating or anything like that either, so there is no need to even bring that into this thread either.
It's taken me this past month to start digesting everything that's going to happen in my life. In the next month, I'm moving, she's leaving, and I'll be a person that once again has to think as an individual.....not as a team. I think that's the absolute hardest thing for me. I'm so used to having her in my life that I always think for 2. Rewiring my brain to think for myself isn't an easy thing. I know myself well enough to know that I'm a nurturer......it's just in my nature. Call it heredity....I got it from my Mom.
I wanted to tell many of you this news personally, but it's hard. A lot of emotions run through me like sadness, shame, failure, etc. As time passes, I am smart enough to know that these emotions will pass. But even as I was touring a new place to live yesterday, it's hard to look around at my potential new place, and just think......this is now my life. I'm 35 and starting over.....and right now, that's a very sad thing for me.
