Many Vegas Books To Close Doors
This season, football bettors have pretty much had their way. You don't even need to be a sophisticated handicapper to make money this season. "Every knucklehead with a $20 bill, is turning it into $200", said MGM Resorts sports book director Jay Rood. "I've never seen it worse than the last few weeks."
With double digit favorites burying the number game after game, it's impossible for the books to beat the public. "We make our bread and butter from parlay and teaser bettors each and every day of the year", said CG Technology sports book director Jason Simbal. "When public teams cover at a massive rate, we stand no chance".
In a move never before seen, Las Vegas sports books are shuttering their doors. Rood said, "We can't keep taking these financial beatdowns. All we can do, is cry 'Uncle', and tip our hats". The sportsbooks will be open to cash winning tickets, and to give refunds on any games not yet played. As to when the books might open back up, Jason Simbal said, "Probably never. Guys have too much information at their fingertips now, and we have no ability to counter that. I'm just glad that I can move back home, and start selling cars again. Some of these other guys will be out on the street, and that's a sad story."
Jay Kornegay of Westgate said, "We still have that stupid NFL contest going, so we will take the heat, and ride the season out before we close up shop." When asked how he thought the season would end, Kornegay said, "Not good. We can't hang a number high enough on some of these games. Cleveland goes to play the Chargers next Sunday, and I'm opening at -25. Is that the right number? I don't have a clue."
Early this morning, bettors were dazed and confused while wondering the sportsbook. "What do they mean I can't make a bet?", said T.J. Portnow of Perrysburg, Ohio. "This is insane! I mean, you know, how do they close? This is Vegas!"
If this truly is the end of sportsbooks in Las Vegas, we will at least have the memories of bygone days where the house never lost, and suckers strolled in with cash, and left with a story. This might just be another in a long line of the constant change that defines the city. When asked if he thought this was really it for sportsbooks, Jay Rood said, "I'm too old for this, and it's time to move on. I really don't give a (damn)."
