Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers & acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas & Hanukkah would merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years. While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having 12 days of Christmas & 8 days of Hanukkah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality sevice during the 15 days of Chrismukah, as the new holiday is being called. Massive layoffs are expected, with lords-a-leaping & maids-a-milking being hit the hardest.
As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligble to a wider audience. Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there", the message on the dreydl will be more generic, "Miraculous stuff happens." In exchange, it is believed the Jews will be allowed to use Santa Clause & the vast merchandising resources for buying & delivering their gifts.
One of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least 300 years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk & cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year when Oreos were finally declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared to be happy about this.
A spokesman for Chrismukah Inc., declined to say whether a takeover of Kwanzaa might not be the works as well. He merely pointed out that, were it not for the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger between Christmas & Hanukkah might indeed be seen as an unfair cornering of the holiday market. Fortunately, for all concerned, the spokesman said, Kwanzaa will help maintain the competitive balance. He then closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of "Oy Vey, All Ye Faithful"
As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligble to a wider audience. Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there", the message on the dreydl will be more generic, "Miraculous stuff happens." In exchange, it is believed the Jews will be allowed to use Santa Clause & the vast merchandising resources for buying & delivering their gifts.
One of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least 300 years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk & cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year when Oreos were finally declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared to be happy about this.
A spokesman for Chrismukah Inc., declined to say whether a takeover of Kwanzaa might not be the works as well. He merely pointed out that, were it not for the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger between Christmas & Hanukkah might indeed be seen as an unfair cornering of the holiday market. Fortunately, for all concerned, the spokesman said, Kwanzaa will help maintain the competitive balance. He then closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of "Oy Vey, All Ye Faithful"
