The World Health Organization (WHO) has linked the mascot of the St. Louis Cardinals, Fredbird, to the bird flu outbreak sweeping the globe. Fredbird has been ordered into an immediate quarantine, which prohibits him from having physical contact with any fans, birds or other professional sports team mascots.
"It took a while, because everyone thought the bird flu began in Asia, but we eventually traced the initial outbreak to St. Louis," said Dr. Cathy Dunphy of the WHO. "We were looking at local chicken farms as the source, never imagining that the disease could have started with a stupid-looking mascot, but that appears to have been the case. We suspect Fredbird was having intimate relations with some of the local poultry."
While scientists may have been surprised to learn that Fredbird is the source of bird flu, other bird-based MLB mascots were not so shocked.
"Fredbird's been giving us other bird mascots a bad rep," said Ace, mascot of the Toronto Blue Jays. "Every time the Cardinals are on the road he's hanging out in the bar of the team hotel trying to pick up skanky chicks."
Screech, mascot of the Washington Nationals, echoed Ace's comments regarding Fredbird.
"You mean Mr. 'Hey, honey, want a free Busch Light?'" asked Screech. "Fredbird's a scumbag, period."
Cardinals' management quickly tried to distance the team from what could be the greatest global health crisis in a century.
"Yes, Fredbird is our official mascot, but what he does away from the ballpark is his own business," said Eric Petricca, the team's VP for community relations. "If he's gone out and messed around with some other species and started a pandemic, I don't see how you can blame the St. Louis Cardinals for that."
"It took a while, because everyone thought the bird flu began in Asia, but we eventually traced the initial outbreak to St. Louis," said Dr. Cathy Dunphy of the WHO. "We were looking at local chicken farms as the source, never imagining that the disease could have started with a stupid-looking mascot, but that appears to have been the case. We suspect Fredbird was having intimate relations with some of the local poultry."
While scientists may have been surprised to learn that Fredbird is the source of bird flu, other bird-based MLB mascots were not so shocked.
"Fredbird's been giving us other bird mascots a bad rep," said Ace, mascot of the Toronto Blue Jays. "Every time the Cardinals are on the road he's hanging out in the bar of the team hotel trying to pick up skanky chicks."
Screech, mascot of the Washington Nationals, echoed Ace's comments regarding Fredbird.
"You mean Mr. 'Hey, honey, want a free Busch Light?'" asked Screech. "Fredbird's a scumbag, period."
Cardinals' management quickly tried to distance the team from what could be the greatest global health crisis in a century.
"Yes, Fredbird is our official mascot, but what he does away from the ballpark is his own business," said Eric Petricca, the team's VP for community relations. "If he's gone out and messed around with some other species and started a pandemic, I don't see how you can blame the St. Louis Cardinals for that."
