Sorry TBone I'm @ work on graves. was in Valencia yesterday and stopped, (out on bike), @ bar where bartender was talking about Jagermeister. said College kids now try 'Flintstones Vitamins.' This is Red Bull, Jager & Schnapps. Another popular drink was 'Red Headed Slut' or Red Bull, Jager, Peach Schnapps & Cranberry Juice. I didn't feel like playing Road Warrior so I abstained, but thought you might find them interesting.
"Polish Blonde"- No wonder your'e so tough. Back to the matter@ hand...
Top Ten advantages of being Asian:
1. You can pretend you don't speak English when you're around stupid people.
2. Everyone asks your advice on computers, cameras, carryout, VCRs, Toyotas and Karate.
3. You look enough like Bruce Lee that when you get in a fight, all you have to do is squint your eyes and howl to scare people.
4. There are a lot more opportunities for casting in war movies.
5. No one expects you to drive well.
6. People mistake you for a Laundromat owner and bring you a lot of neat clothes.
7. You can be from Ohio and still be considered "exotic"
8. If you ever commit a crime, you can get good laughs when your description is passed around (black hair, brown eyes, glasses).
9. You get people coming up to you all the time saying neat things in languages you don't speak.
10. People want to pay you for sex.
You know you are married to an asian woman if...
1. She goes to bed in her street clothes.
2. You have your rice delivered in bulk.
3. Your annual holiday is spent hanging round her parents.
4. She is terrified that the kids won't be able to speak her language.
5. She won't shop anywhere she can't bargain.
6. The bathroom cabinet is full of Chinese medicine.
7. Your flower beds are full of garlic.
8. She demands a load of kitchen devices, then pounds everything up like she did back home.
9. She always leaves the doors and windows open.
10. She always turns off the lights and heating to save money.
11. She keeps all her clothes in a suitcase.
12. The refrigerator and freezer is full of left-over food.
You are probably asian if...
You eat rice for breakfast.
Your friends and everybody else assume you know Kung Fu.
Your folk?s kitchen have a 'fish' aroma.
You notice the main topic at family get-togethers is food.
Your parent?s lifelong ambition is to go to Las Vegas.
You seldom ever owned new clothes if you were a second child.
Your folks never speak under 10 decibels at family gatherings.
You never made the school football or basketball team.
You have two middle initials instead of one.
You have an inherent "fear" for bamboo feather dusters.
Your living room sofas have covers on them.
You inform the ticket clerk that your 13 year old is 12 to avoid paying adult fare.
You sneak in snacks at the movie theater.
You?d bring home a Caucasian friend and "Mom" would be cooking something that smelled like it had died a week ago.
You were told you all look alike.
You know how to pinch someone with your toes.
You graduated from UCI or knows of someone who did.
You would drive around the block 10 times rather than pay for parking.
You have a hard time pronouncing "aluminum" and "lobster claw".
You truly believe that your neighbor could use that old sweater rather than throwing it away.
You would take that sweater if you were your neighbor.
You would stand in line for hours and hours for a free gift whether you needed it or not.
You have clothes in your closet that is coming back in style.
You?ve seen every Bruce Lee movie.
You still have your old slide rule.
You never order chop suey or egg foo young.
You have a relative or friend who works as a waiter or cook.
You prefer your chicken and shrimp served with heads and feet still attached.
You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.
You spit bones and other food scraps on the table (that?s why you need a vinyl tablecloth).
You only buy Christmas cards after Christmas when its 50% off.
Your kitchen has a sticky film of grease over it.
Your stove is covered with tin foil.
You have stuff in your freezer since the beginning of time.
You have never used your dishwasher.
You use your dishwasher as a dish rack.
You boil water and put it in the refrigerator.
You keep a thermos of hot water available at all times.
You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers.
You use grocery bags to hold garbage.
You eat all meals in the kitchen.
You bring oranges or other produce with you as a gift when you visit peoples homes.
You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel.
You feel like you?ve won the lottery if you didn?t have to pay tax for an item.
You starve yourself all day before going to an all you can eat buffet.
You stop dialing 411 information when they started to charge for each call.
You only call long distance after 11 PM.
You suck on salty preserved seeds for a sore throat.
Your eyes resemble dime slots when you laugh.
You know what the term "FOB" means.
You own a wok.
You know what a "bow" is?and it doesn?t mean to bend over.
You never eat fried foods when you?re sick.
You would prefer your fish entree staring at you on the dinner table.
You never discuss your love life with your parents.
Your parents still use a clothes line.
You save your old coke bottle glasses even though you?re never going to use them again.
You keep most of your money in a savings account.
You own your own meat cleaver and sharpen it.
You keep used batteries.
You know someone who can get you a good deal on jewelry or electronics.
You?re always late.
You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don?t eat the last piece of food on the table.
You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
Your dad thinks he can fix anything.
You live with your parents and over 30 years old (and they like it that way). And if you?re married, you live in the apartment next to your parents, or in the same neighborhood.
Your parents house is always cold.
You beat eggs with chopsticks.
You never use measuring cups.
You reuse tea bags.
You tip Chinese delivery guys/waiters more.
You never call your parents to say "Hi."
You always cook too much.
Your parents always ask you if you?ve eaten, even though it?s midnight.
Your parents send money to their relatives in China.
Your parents tell you to boil herbs and stay inside when you?re sick.
You have a drawer full of used pens, most of which don?t write anymore.
You know all the waiters at your favorite Chinese restaurant.
Your parents never go to the movies.
You notice at dances, a wall of guys standing together trying to look cool.
You iron your own shirts.
You play a musical instrument.
You don?t own any real Tupperware, only used margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars.
You never leave any leftovers on the table in a restaurant. You have it put in boxes or finish it.
Your ketchup, mayonnaise, and mustard in the refrigerator are all "Price Club-size".
You have an assortment of condiments and utensils from fast food takeouts stuffed in a drawer.
You never order for room service.
You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine, or law.
Your parents are never satisfied with your grades.
You own a rice cooker.
You buy rice in 50 pound sacks.
You wash rice 2 to 3 times before you cook it.
You steam something on top of your rice while its cooking.
You have acquired a taste for bitter melon.
You like thousand year old eggs.
You always carry a stash of food when you travel like preserved plums, beef jerky, or dried cuttlefish.
