Diary of a Snow Shoveler

IntenseOperator

DeweyOxburger
Forum Member
Sep 16, 2003
17,897
63
0
Chicago
December 8: 6:00 PM.
It started to snow.
The first snow of the season and the wife and I took
our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching
the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven.
It looked like a Grandma Moses Print.
So romantic we felt like newlyweds again.
I love snow!

December 9:
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
covering every inch of the landscape.
What a fantastic sight!
Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World?
Moving here was the best idea I've ever had.
Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again.
I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the
sidewalks and closed in the driveway,
so I got to shovel again.
What a perfect life!

December 12:
The sun has melted all our lovely snow.
Such a disappointment.
My neighbor tells me not to worry,
we'll definitely have a white Christmas.
No snow on Christmas would be awful!
Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter,
that I'll never want to see snow again.
I don't think that's possible.
Bob is such a nice man I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14:
Snow lovely snow! 8" last night.
The temperature dropped to -20.
The cold makes everything sparkle so.
The wind took my breath away,
but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway And sidewalks.
This is the life!
The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again.
l didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling,
but I'll certainly get back in shape this way.
I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15:
20 inches forecast.
Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels.
Stocked the freezer.
The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out.
I think that's silly.
We aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16:
Ice storm this morning.
Fell on my rear end on the ice in the driveway putting down salt.
Hurt like you can't believe.
The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17:
Still way below freezing.
Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was off for 5 hours.
I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm.
Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.
Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her.
God I hate it when she's right.
I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20:
Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the stuff last night.
More shoveling.
Took all day.
That dumb snowplow came by twice.
Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel,
but they said they're too busy playing hockey.
I think they're lying.

December 21:
Called the only hardware store around to see about
buying a snow blower and they're out.
Might have another shipment in March.
I think they're lying.
Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me.
I think he's lying.

December 22:
Bob was right about a white Christmas
because 13 more inches of the white crud fell today,
and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August.
Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel
and then I had to use the bathroom.
By the time I got undressed, went,
and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel.
Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest
of the winter; but he says he's too busy.
I'm sure he is lying.

December 23:
Only 2" of snow today.
And it warmed up to 0.
The wife wanted me to decorate the front of
the house this morning.
What is she nuts?!!
Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago?
She says she did but I think she's lying.

December 24:
6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack.
If I ever catch the son of a gun who drives that snowplow,
I'll drag him through the snow by his ears.
I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish
shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles
an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been!
Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas
carols with her and open our presents,
but I was busy watching for that snowplow.

December 25:
Merry Christmas.
20 more inches of the miserable slop tonight.
Snowed in.
The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil.
God I hate the snow!
Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation
and I hit him over the head with my shovel.
The wife says I have a bad attitude.
I think she's an idiot.
If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time,
I'm going to scream!

December 26:
Still snowed in.
Why did I ever move here?
It was all HER idea.
She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27:
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.

December 28:
Warmed up to above -20.
Still snowed in.
The wench is driving me crazy!!!!!

December 29:
10 more inches.
Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.
That's the silliest thing I ever heard.
How dumb doe she think I am?

December 30:
Roof caved in.
The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars.
The wife went home to her mother.
Nine more inches of snow predicted.

December 31:
Set fire to what's left of the house.
No more shoveling.

January 8:
I feel so good.
I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.
Why am I tied to the bed?
:cool:
 

fletcher

Registered
Forum Member
Jun 21, 2000
16,136
9
0
63
henderson,nv.
I laughed my ass off, i tought it was great if you ever lived in snow country you would understand it and laugh, hell i could of been that person you wrote about. i made a copy of it still laughing i take blue pills to keep from hitting someone:D
 

gardenweasel

el guapo
Forum Member
Jan 10, 2002
40,612
255
83
"the bunker"
i.o...

i.o...

i feel your pain.......have seriously considered taking the guy across the street`s snow blower by force....

and those f-cking plows.....i think those suckers have it in for me.....they went down the street and covered my sidewalk and the front of my driveway......i wanted to kill them....

i figured at least,on the way back,they`d force the enemy snow blower guy back out into the cold on the next pass on the other side of the street.......

but,unless i`m snow blind and paranoid,the bastid switched the plow around and pushed more snow onto my side of the street.....

the snow plow driver hasn`t heard the last of this...i`m searching the internet for a spike strip.....



:cursin: :cry: :142crying :rant2: :shocked: :142squint :nooo: ...............i`m losin` it.....i feel like a postal worker...
 
Last edited:

loudog

Registered User
Forum Member
Mar 13, 2002
399
1
0
Re: Diary of a Snow Shoveler

IntenseOperator said:
December 29:
Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.
That's the silliest thing I ever heard.
How dumb doe she think I am?

December 30:
Roof caved in.

:D
 
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