Didn't realize

Neemer

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Bluegrass!
taking a chit was so damn important!!!:shrug: :shrug: :shrug: :shrug:


Why do you brush your teeth? Are your teeth falling out right now? For most of us, we do it so we won't need false teeth and Fixodent down the road...right? We want to be able to eat apples. Hey, I agree with that. Natural teeth are great.

But have you ever seen someone who was forced to endure a colonectomy? Someone who now will be spending the rest of their life carrying a bag around?

Incredibly, this is an area where even the staunchest MD's AGREE with us!! Can you believe it? If they knew you had the greatest colon cleanse in the world, I bet they might even refer people to you. NO, I'm not kidding...

This subject is not even up for debate. It's a proven fact. The problem is, most people are not doing anything about it. Please don't be one of them.


****WARNING***** The next section of this email contains graphic material which may not be suitable for squeamish individuals.

Let's talk stools.

The stool tells you a lot about your colon health. If it's dark brown in color, and it sinks, and it stinks, that's not good. And don't feel bad, that's the way most people are. What you want to see is light brown color, which means it's full of fresh bile from the liver, very mild odor, and a stool that floats. We're talking low-density here folks. The more compaction you have the darker the color and the faster it sinks. Compaction is not good. Also, moving bowels should be SIMPLE. If the veins are popping out of your neck and you feel like your doing the bench press, you NEED to cleanse your colon.

When you do the cleanse, for the first few days....things are a little weird. But you know you're cleansed when you see the above good stuff happening, and you are eliminating at least 2-3 times per day.

Cleansing your colon is a 30-day process. Its also very economical at $43.00. You may be very surprised at some of the benefits you will receive besides just losing 1-5 lbs of cr*p from your body and brightening your future health.

People have reported more energy, less allergies, clearing of acne, cessation of migraines, and many other results, not to mention restored regularity. When your body is void of old, poisonous toxins that are constantly being reabsorbed through the colon walls, it can begin to heal again. And when the colon walls are clean, the good nutrients from your food and supplements can be absorbed again. You will be thrilled with the results.

At this point you are either nauseated thinking about what is inside your own colon, or you're ready to do something about cleaning it out.


Leave it up to a woman to try and convince us that their "shit" don't stink...

:D
 

dr. freeze

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i concur.......i am taking physiology right now along with microbiology and lots of bad stuff can go on in there.....colonic health is VERY important.....

eat a good diet and that will really help you out.....exercise and drink lots of water too....lots of greens and fiber.....
 

MadJack

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I'm so glad I wandered into this thread. Do you guys know anything about snot or barf?

LMAO! :D
 
B

Billy

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You gotta be chitin me......I eat a bowl of Cheerios and a bowl of
Wheaties every morning and my STOOL is PASSED within five
minutes after my fourth cup of coffee (20 minutes), give or take
three minutes......butt depending on how much or which kind of
beer I drink the night before the turds either sink or swim....but
it always clears an area the size of a football field out because
of the ODOR......now, if I have sex with a blonde, we're talking
light brown.....brunette definitely dark turdladites.....redhead,,,
we won't go there......:moon:
 

Simply In The Red

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Re: Didn't realize

Neemer said:
The stool tells you a lot about your colon health. If it's dark brown in color, and it sinks, and it stinks, that's not good. And don't feel bad, that's the way most people are. What you want to see is light brown color, which means it's full of fresh bile from the liver, very mild odor, and a stool that floats. We're talking low-density here folks. The more compaction you have the darker the color and the faster it sinks. Compaction is not good. Also, moving bowels should be SIMPLE. If the veins are popping out of your neck and you feel like your doing the bench press, you NEED to cleanse your colon.

When you do the cleanse, for the first few days....things are a little weird. But you know you're cleansed when you see the above good stuff happening, and you are eliminating at least 2-3 times per day.


Float or sink! How can I tell because by the time I'm done, there is no room to tell if my logs are floating or sinking. They resemble more of a well built beaver log dam than submarines out at sea.

Eliminate 2-3 times a day. :eek: That would involve using the restrooms at work and I won't even get started about that. :nono: If I am not at home, then I don't need to go.
 

Neemer

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Bluegrass!
I actually bought some last week, but have not received it yet. It's a co. out of California, and I got the information from some chick that sent me an email. It's an MLM, but you can order product WITHOUT being a distributor; that's what I did. They do want you to reference someone's ID# and Julie's is #172754. Their # is 1-800-531-4877. The chick's complete name is Julie A. Ferrante, but like I said, just tell them you're interested in only ordering ONE product, and they'll give ya a tracking # with your package. I believe the total cost was around $43 bucks.

We'll compare chit notes in a couple weeks...
 

Neemer

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Bluegrass!
Doug...

A few other tidbits of info. she sent me today...

t's Juli the Colon Cleanse lady again! More on that fun subject.

Did you know that the average person stores between 5 to 25 POUNDS of waste accumulated over the years in their colon?

Waste build up causes bacteria and toxins to spread throughout the body resulting in sickness and even death.

Besides the poisonous effect this has on your body, waste build up hinders nutrient absorption your body so badly needs (think sludge layer on the walls of your colon). Did you know that some health experts say that 90% of all sickness and diseases are related to an unclean colon?

If your digestive system is not working properly, it makes it very hard to lose weight because your body's not breaking down and excreting all the food you eat. For a system to be "regular", it should produce 2-3 bowel movements a day, shortly after each meal.

Many people shy away from colon cleansers because they're afraid they'll have an inconvenient laxative effect. But this product is NOT a laxative. It's herbal ingredients work gently together to simply aid in the digestion of your food and to cleanse the colon of stored waste.

Keeping your system clean leads to a lifetime of better health.

Doing the Colon Cleanse Program can help you ...
*Detoxify
*Remove Parasites
*Prevent Toxicity
*Aid in Weight Loss
*Prevent Sickness and Deadly Diseases
*Prevent Colon Cancer

There is an oriental saying - "Death begins in the colon."

Your health or weight loss program should begin with a good colon cleansing program.


I also agree with the fella that said he couldn't imagine having to take a dump 2-3 times a day. I'm pretty peculiar about sittin' on a community toilet seat and would probably have to drive back home everytime I got the urge.
 

yyz

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I love to shit!

I go at least 3 times a day, and more than that on most days. I don't "save it up" like some people. If I gotta go, I go. Work, public toilet, back alley.

Here's the thing that bothers me:

(Some of you should quit reading right now, as I am about to lay out more than I probably should! But, hey......you're all family!)


After a decent dump, I can wipe my ass raw. I mean, I will wipe until there is no shit on the TP. (I believe we are supposed to do that, no?)
So, explain to me why about 30 minutes later, it feels like I didn't even wipe? I need to go back to the bathroom, and re-do the paperwork. WTF????? Why is this, you assmologysts?

By the way.......some of my friends experience this phenominon, too. So, I know it's not just me! We call it "Monkey Butt" or "Salve Seat"
 
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Neemer

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Bluegrass!
sounds like to me you got one of them "sweaty-sphincters"... It's a condition that's marked by a continous perspiration of the sphincter gland that makes one feel wet and slippery. A common reaction to this condition is wiping one's rectum on multiple occassions throughout the day sometimes resulting in "dry" ass or "chapped" ass. If you've unfortunately found yourself in this position before, you may find it beneficial to apply small amounts of aloe & vaseline to the affected area.

Please keep in mind that I hold no degree in medicine, so you might want to ask your family doctor if this method of treatment is correct.... :D :D :D
 

BreakaLeg

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YYZ My dog has that problem. The vet said it's an anal sac problem. She just scoots her ass all over the rug,see if that helps:D
Just for the record the most effective way i've found to cleanse is to drink about9 to 10 beers and eat about 15 to 20 chicken wings before bed this system produces a good cleanse sometime in the middle of the night.This method can sometimes produce what I call cleansing down the leg.
 

yyz

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I used to rub on the rug like that, but several of the area landlords have cought wind of me, and refuse to rent to me now. The "Rug Doctor" may be screaming mad at dirt, but that fuhker gets seriously pissed over shit!

And Neems.......there is actually shit on the TP on the second go round! I mean, like I didn't even wipe! I called "Unsolved Mysteries" and "In Search Of", and they never returned my calls. It baffles me to no end.

side bar

I never have to re-wipe after the second pass! Very odd, in the "anals" of scatology!
 

dogface

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Funny....

Funny....

One of my golfing buddies a former catcher for the Detroit Tigers, (the MLB reference was to show how he speaks) was grabbin and itchin his ass for at least the first 5 holes. Then we get to the green, and he starts itching and grabbin' while another buddy is putting...I quitely lean over and ask what the heck is going on with him this was his unedited reply:

Listen you needle dick bug ****er, I have a case of "OA". I just looked at him and said what the hell is that. The reply: I got Oily Ass, my cheecks are just sliding together and it makes it very uncomfortable.

Needless to say I ended up laying on the green with tears in my eyes. Another phrase from him is every time he hits a drive in the fairway it is either "Tits Johnson" or "Right down the cock".

Just thought I would share these with you.

dogface
 

SixFive

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yyz, I'm assuming u don't have any kids. Otherwise, u would know the virtues of Baby Wipes! Just get some of those puppies and leave them under your sink. They rock for rectum cleanliness. Also, if u do have a case of the chaps, u just need to go into the nursery and borrow some of that good old Desitin (Zinc Oxide), and it will heal u right up.

When u guys get to be old fartknockers, your first thought of the day will be, "how many days has it been since I had my last BM?," and your last thought of the day will be, "I need to drink a glass of warm prune juice with an ounce of Magnesia so I can hopefully have a BM in the morning!" I don't know how many times I'll ask an elderly patient how they are doing and the first thing out of their mouths will be, "Well, I feel pretty good, but my bowels aren't moving nearly enough!" These people think the sky is falling if they don't have a BM every morning at 6 AM! I'm sure if u ask NEEMER, one of his best over the counter sellers (outside of Tylenol, advil, etc) has to be Correctol, ExLax, or MOM.

Then, u have the people that the laxatives won't work for who resort to sticking a finger up their rectum to pull it out piece by piece. This is usually accompanied by brown, stinky fingernails that are harder than heck to get clean.:(

The lingo in my house growing up between my brother and myself to describe BMs were "one-wipe", two-wipe", "THOUSAND WIPE":mad: , and the ever elusive and envy inspiring, "No wiper!" Oh for a no wipe BM!! That's to kill for, lol!

Stock up on the Baby Wipes, especially u hairy guys. You will be glad u did!

If any more questions come up about this, I have probably wiped more butts than anyone here, so I can probably help.

Happy wiping, and here's wishing everybody a "NO WIPER" next time.
 
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