fawk me

[the addict]

listen, i have been debating sharing with the people here...

but then i thought to myself, you people are what has helped get me to wherre I am in life over the past 6 years, and I dont even know you. I dont know you, but I do trust you, respect you (mostly), and listen to what you say....


so here it goes



January of this year, wifey left me....said she was unhappy, and couldnt get over her depression, and I was not what she wanted anymore....

we have been together 8 years (married 3) and have a 2 yr old daughter....

So she continued to see her counselor, and in may she moved back home....ok cool....


well from May until last week, i thought everything had been fine. Was i Wrong....she told me she tried her best and couldnt find hapiness with me....


her biggest problem was my school debt. I was 50 grand in debt from college (which sucks that I quit football and lost all scholarships)


she says beetween my debt from school and her unhapiness she cant see herself with me



I only gamble small amounts anymore, compared to what it used to be, but regardless I work and pay for everything so she can be a stay at home mom...my school loans/utilities/mortgage/ everything else is paid everyweek, and still have money to keep fun around in our lives...

I dunno what the fuck she wants or thinks life is...





I literally cannot quit gettin teary eyed thinking aobut not having my daughter everynight...

I have had her for all 2 years and 11 months of her life...I dunno what to think of everything....the first time was tough...but knowing this is probably the finale, I am so stressed....I have been trying to stay as close to normal as possible, but being in this now empty house is miserable...







anyone who has been thru divorce, please talk to me...I am on day 6 of being alone, my daughter was here friday/saturday/sunday morning...

she left earlier tonite....I am so fuckin miserable....like have the worst thoughts in my head...








sorry to throw all this out there, but I really am desperate....couldnt even watch football and enjoy it after my daughter left today, and I won nearly 15 units today in NFL, and didnt give 2 shits either way...



fuck me :sadwave:

 

[Roger Baltrey]

Addict,


Hang tight and focus on making sure you have as much time with your daughter as possible. YOu sound like a great dad and you can remain one throughout here life. I came close to this a few times but somehow we kept together. You will overcome and be better for this experience.

 

[Betone]

Fuck her depression......and everything that goes with that bullshit. Leave her and move on...... if a woman's head is fucked up, there is nothing you can do to fix it. my ex after 14 yrs is still screwed up and there is not enough doctors to fix it. You need to find a woman that loves, cares only about you and your relationship. Your little girl will get it years later, whether you have custody or not. My girls love me and understand that there mom is a mental case . she will blame everything on you as they all do. Move on brother, and sit back and be a good father to your daughter. life is short and not worth living with depression and all the bullshit mental disorder she will bring to your relationship. Sorry, but I have a low tolerance for Mental problems. Been there done that.........:0008

 

[the addict]

thats where I am at tone...

she is miserable a lot of the time...







just the thought of my daughter not havin her family is what gets me struggling with everything...


I dunno







thanks as well roger....my heads fucked up...havent slept in 2 days...

 

[The Joker]

You are going through a lot. Best advice I can give you is this.


A friend of mine went through what you're going through.

Got joint custody 50/50 and is one year after the fact and is in a good place in life right now. It isn't perfect or even ideal, but the time spent with their child is precious and they make every second count.

Lastly, I am so sorry you are going through this. As far as I can tell, you are a good person.

Just focus on making every second count with your daughter since she will be going through this as well.

Take care, bud.

 

[Sportsaholic]

Take a step back, dont make any rash decisions.....Right now your daughter needs to be priority #1 so slow down and get a handle on things......You and your wife can work things out one way or another, don't drag your little girl into it.

 

[comfortable1]

Wife left me for older (13yrs) rich dude about 4yrs ago. We share custody of our 3 kids (now 12, 15, 16). They live with me 2 weeks and then her for 2 weeks... we live about half mile apart. Demand joint custody (assuming she's competent mother) as it's the best scenario for kids considering circumstances. Also you obviously will have very ill feelings toward her but for kids sake you have to table that shit and rebuild a civil relationship because for it to work well you have to interact with her for the next 15years or so. Sorry dude... it'll get easier. Treat yourself too... have some shit to look forward to.

 

[WhatsHisNuts]

Fuck her depression......and everything that goes with that bullshit. Leave her and move on...... if a woman's head is fucked up, there is nothing you can do to fix it.

:0074

 

[Betone]

thats where I am at tone...

she is miserable a lot of the time...







just the thought of my daughter not havin her family is what gets me struggling with everything...


I dunno







thanks as well roger....my heads fucked up...havent slept in 2 days...

No, HER head is fucked up, and you have to be the stronger person, as I was to my kids. Is about the daughter and will always be about her. the wife maybe screwed up, so be it. just love the little one.

 

[Cie]

sorry to hear it. i certainly wish you the best.

 

[Betone]

Run, You can not fix it. :0008

 

[Mr. Poon]

sorry to hear this. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. No experience in this and don't the logistics/legaliities, but would suggest you investigate what others suggested of joint custody.

 

[hedgehog]

I just went through it last year...I felt like you at first, be civil and when you see your daughter focus on her, best of luck my friend...

 

[Radio]

Right now it is probably difficult for you to see beyond the pain you feel right now. I was at a simular place many years ago. A good friend talked me through a volatile time. Thanks for reaching out on this forum. You realize you need a little support and there is nothing wrong with that. Please try to call a friend you know cares about you to just talk things through. There is nothing to feel bad about when we realize we are overwhelmed and we reach out for a little help and support. That is wise. Emotional pain can bring the biggest, strongest man to his knees. In my opinion what you are feeling is only natural considering what you are dealing with. The answers really lie within you. If there is no enemy within the enemy without can do us no harm.

 

[freelancc]

life brings us many hard, and difficult experiences. Many of these difficult learning experiences are not of our own doing; but through each experience we become wiser, stronger, and they help us to develope into better well rounded individuals.

You are not alone, many of us have gone through similiar experiences. Others will eventually experience them. It makes us stronger emotionally, and hopefully spiritually.

You are a good kid, just do not give up the good fight. Each time life knocks you down, just get up and move on, with a smile..! Just remember the true love of your life is yet to be discovered. Hang in there....:0074

 

[fattymanboobs]

Have you ever participated in counseling with your wife? I think knowing what the root cause of her depression is/was could provide better insight. It could be possible she just needs some medication or a change in the daily routine. If she is hanging most of this on your school debt, then the issues are hidden or she is not the right one for you. It is better to cut that tie now, before you have more children together and are really vested further. I don't mean to come off cruel with that statement.

If you think there is any shred of chance left, I would demand that you participate in her counseling. A few things to think about:

*Honestly ask yourself if you have grown apart, and if so why. Did you all have common activities you enjoyed together outside of daily family life?
*Have you been unhappy with her? If so, have you ever discussed it or done joint therapy?
*If you have approached her about joint therapy and she balked, walk away.

Staying in an irreparable relationship or a relationship where one party does not do their part or just for the sake of the child, will only make things worse. The tension and resentment will grow, especially if one party is unwilling to put in the work.

Ask yourself right now, what you truly love/loved about your wife. If you have a hard time coming up with things, its definitely time to move on. We all can be guilty of getting too comfortable, taking things for granted, falling into routine, etc. If she really has some deluded, grandiose idea of what life should be, she has been mislead or is not the right one.

The loneliness sucks and the only cure for it is to stay busy. Stay occupied. If you have a circle of friends, lean on them. Get out of the house. It may help to get some counseling for yourself (whether she wants to participate or not) it will help to be able to unload on someone; especially if your employer has an EAP plan.

Also, start researching laws in your state about Divorce, custody, etc. The goal is to maintain an amicable relationship for the sake of your daughter, and see her as much as possible. As hard or frustrating as things may be right now, take a step back and don't act on emotion. If you act with anger or emotion, it will make things worse in the long-haul.

Keep yourself busy, make the most of the time you get with your daughter, take lots of pictures, hug her whenever you can, make her feel like the most important person in the world, it will help heal some of the emptiness in your heart. Also, step back, pray; listen to your heart.

I sincerely hope this works out for everybody, surround yourself with positive people right now. Again, lean on your friends and family. You will learn a lot about yourself and your true character, become stronger, and know what you truly want and don't want in the future.

Hang in there!

 

[greggraffin]

Hey man,
i can't relate but I'm worried for you, especially when you say you have the worst thoughts in your head

Please continue to vent on madjacks or confide in a friend or call someone if you feel like this

Just remember there are lots of people out there who are going through/have gone through your exact same situation

Find a support group, family member, therapist, friend, and don't deal with this alone

I know you can't see it since it just happened, but things will get better!

 

[SixFive]

There's nothing that says u can't get custody of ur daughter. Since she has left u now (twice), u can't be concerned about ur wife's feelings. Don't concede typical custody. Retain a good lawyer where u live and fight for her. It might get messy (sounds easy enough to prove ur wife is a kook, and I can almost guarantee she has talked to u about suicide at some point) but sometimes in life, u have to look out for urself.



Ur wife doesn't work either, so don't try to be the nice guy and think she will be nice thru the proceedings. She's going to go after maintenance too, and she will drain every cent from u if u let her.

 

[Betone]

Seek counseling for yourself, and maybe the little one as she will not understand what is going on. Your wife says YOU do not make her happy? Worst statement a person can make in a relationship. If she can not make herself happy, she will never be happy with you or anyone else in the long run. I know it sucks being displaced from your daughter, I would fight for as much custody and time as possible. If she wants to leave, there is nothing you can say or do to make her stay. It sucks.....:0008
Get my email from Jack and I will give you my phone number if you need to talk to someone.

 

[Smails]

All women are crazy to some extent. There is no winning.......only levels and variations of losing