fawk me
- Thread starter the addict
- Start date
young fella....sorry to hear this.....i have to ask something....many times if there are money issues and when gambling is involved,you have to give up gambling...even if you`re o.k. financially,it might be an issue with the wife....she probably perceives it as taking too much of your time and a drain on the relationship.....
i have said in here several times,i`m a small-timer...i wager very small and do it as a hobby....if it would ever become a conflict,i`d give it up,period........
maybe i`m off base with the gambling question....if you`re consumed by it(as many in here are,it`s a gambling forum after all),you may have to make some tough choices...doesn`t mean you can`t hang out on the board and have fun with the guys....it`s a question of priorities...
or,as someone else mentioned,your wife is just a head case(no offense),or she just doesn`t want to be married to you....it can`t be any fun being in a relationship if you`re constsntly walking on pins and needles worried about pleasing your partner...
think about it...is there something you can do or is she just tired of the relationship?..be honest with yourself.....a little serious introspection might be in order....if she wants out,just do what you can to make it happen as amicably as you possibly can(minimizing the impact on your daughter as much as humanly possible)....leaving a relationship in shambles is not a good thing for your daughter...don`t be clingy if the wife is intent on moving on......
tough sledding ahead any way you slice it...sounds like nut cuttin ` time and you have to be strong for your daughter...
think about it....don`t be emotional.....think the long game...you have a long life ahead of you...
g.l.,partner...
i have said in here several times,i`m a small-timer...i wager very small and do it as a hobby....if it would ever become a conflict,i`d give it up,period........
maybe i`m off base with the gambling question....if you`re consumed by it(as many in here are,it`s a gambling forum after all),you may have to make some tough choices...doesn`t mean you can`t hang out on the board and have fun with the guys....it`s a question of priorities...
or,as someone else mentioned,your wife is just a head case(no offense),or she just doesn`t want to be married to you....it can`t be any fun being in a relationship if you`re constsntly walking on pins and needles worried about pleasing your partner...
think about it...is there something you can do or is she just tired of the relationship?..be honest with yourself.....a little serious introspection might be in order....if she wants out,just do what you can to make it happen as amicably as you possibly can(minimizing the impact on your daughter as much as humanly possible)....leaving a relationship in shambles is not a good thing for your daughter...don`t be clingy if the wife is intent on moving on......
tough sledding ahead any way you slice it...sounds like nut cuttin ` time and you have to be strong for your daughter...
think about it....don`t be emotional.....think the long game...you have a long life ahead of you...
g.l.,partner...
Bingo! Women can be some of the most wonderful loving creatures on earth and then turn as cold as hell then chew you up and spit you out. All you can do is let her go. Painful as hell for sure. Good luck Addict.
sorry to hear addict
obvious lot more here, school loans sounds like an excuse, do what's best for the child- she didn't ask for this situation, if wife not happy & says u can't make her happy move on, sure it's tuff but things happen for a reason, things will get better IF u want them to
I know this first hand, i was where u r emotionally, now i'm very happy (there r always bad times) & i had other issues
struggles makes one stronger if you learn
obvious lot more here, school loans sounds like an excuse, do what's best for the child- she didn't ask for this situation, if wife not happy & says u can't make her happy move on, sure it's tuff but things happen for a reason, things will get better IF u want them to
I know this first hand, i was where u r emotionally, now i'm very happy (there r always bad times) & i had other issues
struggles makes one stronger if you learn
- Mar 2, 2006
- 4,794
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- 0
Well, I will ignore all the misogynistic comments...
It seems to me that her problem is not you, or your school debt. Women have levels of "complexity" that are brought forth in ways that men cannot understand. Obviously I don't know the whole story, but I do know that unhappiness doesn't come from others, it comes from yourself. A person can be happy in the most trying of circumstances. If she is trying to blame her unhappiness on you, it just isn't true. That is just a projection and her trying to find a cause to the root of her own issues. Until you recognize the problems in yourself, you can't move beyond them to find happiness.
You shouldn't blame yourself. No one is perfect in a relationship and it takes a lot of work. If one person doesn't want to try, there is no way it will work. Now you need to just put all your energy into your daughter, because obviously you are a good dad and love her a lot. If what you want is to be with her all the time, then try to make that happen.
"Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."
-Viktor Frankl
(and he KNOWS!)
It seems to me that her problem is not you, or your school debt. Women have levels of "complexity" that are brought forth in ways that men cannot understand. Obviously I don't know the whole story, but I do know that unhappiness doesn't come from others, it comes from yourself. A person can be happy in the most trying of circumstances. If she is trying to blame her unhappiness on you, it just isn't true. That is just a projection and her trying to find a cause to the root of her own issues. Until you recognize the problems in yourself, you can't move beyond them to find happiness.
You shouldn't blame yourself. No one is perfect in a relationship and it takes a lot of work. If one person doesn't want to try, there is no way it will work. Now you need to just put all your energy into your daughter, because obviously you are a good dad and love her a lot. If what you want is to be with her all the time, then try to make that happen.
"Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."
-Viktor Frankl
(and he KNOWS!)
Addict, I'm very sorry to hear that you are going through this. I've read through the post and agree with the advice you've been given. You must be strong for your daughter who you love very much. I'm not a legal expert by any means but if you are the sole provider and have attempted to work things out on two occasions I would definitely look into sole custody for your daughter. Don't do anything rash or stupid. You must be there for your daughter. Just keep reminding yourself.
If you don't have anyone to talk to it looks like you can turn to your friends here on the forum. I certainly wish you the best of luck.
If you don't have anyone to talk to it looks like you can turn to your friends here on the forum. I certainly wish you the best of luck.
So sorry to see you in this situation, addict. Stay strong for your daughter. Wishing nothing but the very best for you in the days ahead.
- Nov 13, 2009
- 3,322
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I don't think you should pursue full custody unless the mother is unfit. Kids need both parents if possible.
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wow what a great post from the other side.
:0008
Wasn't ignoring everyone.
Appreciate all the advice and support
Still do not know what made me turn here compared to friends in the area.
I suppose most of you are older then myself, and I value your opinions. Also, I do not have many friends who have dealt with this since I am only 26.
Embarassing/hurt are two biggest emotions in my head currently...
Have my daughter currently...
To answer some of things above:
I do not want full custody. She loves her mom. I will not do that to her.
Gambling had nothing to do with it. We reduced wager size greatly, and she loved picking games based on unis or mascots or location of schools....
Greg do not worry, I appreciate it though. When I said awful thoughts, I mean in regards to losing my daughter. I am able to step back and evaluate things and make conscious decisions usually....while this is without a doubt the toughest thing in my life to date, I would never consider anything drastic.
I do not talk about my religion a lot on here, but I am a christian, and without a doubt I don't think I would be given anything I can't handle...I know that at times like this, it seems like evil is going to try and take this oppurtunity to creep into my life, but that will not happen...appreciate ur concern tho
Her mom hates the thought of it....which for somereason reassures me that I am not the fucked up one here...
What really dissapoints me is that she came here when I was at work today and took whatever the fuck she wanted....I am easy going woulda given it to her regardless, but the shady part of just showing up makes me feel like she is prepared to do whatever to get her way (which is in her nature)...
She is very
A. Stubborn
B. Ignorant
C. Egocentric
Also, her counselor I feel gives her awful guidance....I assume her counselor has had martial problems, because there is all kinds of transference of her emotions on these issues into our situation....makes it very hard to get wifey to understand things when she has a "professional" telling her the opposite...
Once again thanks for the words...
Haven't been able to respond due to about 15 friends and my 3 brothers comin over and helpin me rearrange my home to make it seem new again.....
P.s. hippo, as the only female on here, ur post really stuck out to me.
Thank you.
Appreciate all the advice and support
Still do not know what made me turn here compared to friends in the area.
I suppose most of you are older then myself, and I value your opinions. Also, I do not have many friends who have dealt with this since I am only 26.
Embarassing/hurt are two biggest emotions in my head currently...
Have my daughter currently...
To answer some of things above:
I do not want full custody. She loves her mom. I will not do that to her.
Gambling had nothing to do with it. We reduced wager size greatly, and she loved picking games based on unis or mascots or location of schools....
Greg do not worry, I appreciate it though. When I said awful thoughts, I mean in regards to losing my daughter. I am able to step back and evaluate things and make conscious decisions usually....while this is without a doubt the toughest thing in my life to date, I would never consider anything drastic.
I do not talk about my religion a lot on here, but I am a christian, and without a doubt I don't think I would be given anything I can't handle...I know that at times like this, it seems like evil is going to try and take this oppurtunity to creep into my life, but that will not happen...appreciate ur concern tho
Her mom hates the thought of it....which for somereason reassures me that I am not the fucked up one here...
What really dissapoints me is that she came here when I was at work today and took whatever the fuck she wanted....I am easy going woulda given it to her regardless, but the shady part of just showing up makes me feel like she is prepared to do whatever to get her way (which is in her nature)...
She is very
A. Stubborn
B. Ignorant
C. Egocentric
Also, her counselor I feel gives her awful guidance....I assume her counselor has had martial problems, because there is all kinds of transference of her emotions on these issues into our situation....makes it very hard to get wifey to understand things when she has a "professional" telling her the opposite...
Once again thanks for the words...
Haven't been able to respond due to about 15 friends and my 3 brothers comin over and helpin me rearrange my home to make it seem new again.....
P.s. hippo, as the only female on here, ur post really stuck out to me.
Thank you.
And yes its 2 in the morning...
While I am trying to adjust best I can, sleep is still very often....
Had awkward dreams past few nights, and usually I never remember my dreams....I don't know, life is strange at times....
Thank you everyone again...
While I am trying to adjust best I can, sleep is still very often....
Had awkward dreams past few nights, and usually I never remember my dreams....I don't know, life is strange at times....
Thank you everyone again...
