Friday

[Chanman]

YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN GEORGIA IN JULY WHEN. . . .

The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

The trees are whistling for the dogs.

The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

You can make sun tea instantly.

You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.

The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.

You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.

You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull
one out and add butter, salt and pepper.

Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.

The cows are giving evaporated milk.

Ah, what a place to call home. . . God Bless Our State of GEORGIA

A GEORGIA BLESSING

Note: If you are not a resident of GEORGIA or never have lived in the hot, humid South, you may not understand the
weight of this blessing!

Bless this house, oh Lord, we cry.


Please keep it cool inmid- July.

Bless the walls where termites dine,

While ants and roaches march in time.

Bless our yard where spiders pass

Fire ant castles in the grass.

Bless the garage, a home to please Carpenter beetles, ticks and fleas.

Bless the love bugs, two by two, the gnats and mosquitoes that feed on you.
Millions of creatures that fly or crawl,

in GEORGIA, Lord, you've put them all!!
But this is home, and here we'll stay,
So thank you Lord, for insect spray.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Subject: BIG BAD JOHN


Every mornin' on the Hill you could see him arrive
Standing six-foot-four, weighing one-twenty-five
Kinda' scrawny at the shoulders and lacking a spine
And when he spoke at all, it was mainly to whine
(Big John, Big John) Big Bad John

Nobody seems to know what's in John's soul
His 'beliefs' are based on the latest poll
'Though he'll say what it takes to get your votes
It's the leftist agenda that he really promotes - Big John.

Some one said he came from Boston town
Where he joined the Navy and gained renown
'Earning' three purple hearts and one silver star
The home folks said, "This boy will go far"
(Big John, Big John) Big Bad John (Big John)

Then came a ! day back in '71
When he renounced all the medals that he had won
Then turned against his country and his Navy friends
And sold them out for his own selfish ends (Big John)

He appeared before Congress and on left-wing talk shows
Giving aid and comfort to America's foes
It was clear to see whose side he was on
Some say he helped cause the fall of Saigon - Big John
(Big John, Big John) Big Bad John (Big John)

He claims to be for the working poor
Yet he owns 5 mansions from shore to shore
He never had to work a day in his life
'cause he learned it helps to have a wealthy wife! - Big John

Now he wants to be our next President
and Commander-in-chief of those he resents:
The American soldiers who fight and die
To give him the freedom to tell us his lies
(Big John, Big John) Big Bad John (Big John)

Thousands have sacrificed their young lives
To help ensure that our nation survives
A vote for Kerry is a slap in the face
To all the brave soldiers that he's disgraced

FADE (Big John, Big John) Big Bad John (Big John)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

[Chanman]

Cards to Honor Tillman in Season Opener

TEMPE, Ariz. - The Arizona Cardinals will honor Pat Tillman with a special halftime tribute during the first home game of the 2004 season.
The tribute to the former Cardinals safety who was killed April 22 in Afghanistan while serving with the U.S. Army Rangers, also will recognize other Arizonans who have died in the line of duty.

Arizona plays Super Bowl champion New England in the Cardinals' home opener on Sept. 19.

Tillman earlier this summer posthumously was given the Audie Murphy Patriotism Award. His family has created a foundation "to honor Pat's memory and carry forward his legacy," said Marie Tillman, Pat's wife. "Our goal is to inspire and support others that live their lives with a similar spirit and strive for positive change."



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Subject: MOMENTS IN LIFE


There are moments in life when you miss someone
so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real!

When the door of happiness closes, another opens; but often times we look so long at the
closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.

Don't go for looks; they can deceive.
Don't go for wealth; even that fades away.
Go for someone who makes you smile,because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.. Find the one that makes your heart smile.

Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be,
because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong,
enough sorrow to keep you human, and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until
you let go of your past failures and heartaches..

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.
Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

Please send this message to those people who mean something to you (I JUST DID);
to those who have touched your life in one way or another; to those who make you smile when you really need it; to those who make you see the brighter side of things when you are really down; to those whose friendship you appreciate; to those who are so meaningful in your life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Subject: A French Poem


Eleven thousand soldiers
lay beneath the dirt and stone,
all buried on a distant land
so far away from home.

For just a strip of dismal beach
they paid a hero's price,
to save a foreign nation
they all made the sacrifice.

And now the shores of Normandy
are lined with blocks of white:
Americans who didn't turn
from someone else's plight.

Eleven thousand reasons
for the French to take our side,
but in the moment of our need,
they chose to run and hide.

Chirac said every war means loss,
perhaps for France that's true,
for they've lost every battle
since the days of Waterloo.

Without a soldier worth a damn
to be found within the region,
the French became the only land
to need a Foreign Legion.

You French all say we're arrogant.
Well hell, we've earned the right--
We saved your sorry asses twice
when you lacked the guts to fight.

But now you've made a big mistake,
and one that you'll regret;
you took sides with our enemies,
and that we won't forget.

It wasn't just our citizens
you spit on when you turned,
but every one of yours
who fell the day the towers burned.

You spit upon our soldiers,
on our pilots and Marines,
and now you'll get a little sense
of just what payback means.

So keep your Paris fashions
and your wine and your champagne,
and find some other market
that will buy your aeroplanes.

And try to find somebody else
to wear your French cologne,
for you're about to find out
what it means to stand alone.

You see, you need us far more
than we ever needed you.
America has better friends
who know how to be true.

I'd rather stand with warriors
who have the will and might,
than huddle in the dark
with those whose only flag is white.

I'll take the Brits, the Aussies,
the Israelis and the rest,
for when it comes to valor
we have seen that they're the best.

We'll count on one another
as we face a moment dire,
while you sit on the sideline
with a sign, "friendship for hire."

We'll win this war without you
and we'll total up the cost,
and take it from your foreign aid,
and then you'll feel the loss.

And when your nation starts to fall,
well Frenchie, you can spare us,
just call the Germans for a hand,
they know the way to Paris.

Don Fichthorn, Major USMC (Retired)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Senator Kerry:

I am Designated Letter Writer for the guys down to Daryl's Bait Shop here in Lagniappe, Louisiana. We have been shaking our heads over your stumbling campaign.

It ain't so much we like you or your Party, but you bein' a fellow American, born in the U S of A, we don't want you to disgrace yourself. Here are 10 helpful hints we worked up for you: (More if you want them. Let us know.)

1 We know you served in Nam. You'd do yourself a favor if you didn't keep mentioning it every time someone pokes a microphone in your face. Geez, it was 35 years ago you did that for what was it, four months? Some of us Daryl's Bait Shop guys spent more time than that on chow lines.

2 Get your stories straight. Admit you threw your or someone's medals and/or ribbons over the Capitol fence in '71, and you went touring around with Jane Fonda, and you testified falsely to atrocities by US troops. You ought to say that was all a youthful mistake. We've made a few. We'll understand.

3 It's OK, you can talk French to French reporters if you want to, we don't mind. Smilin' Jack Boudreau can speak French, and we elected him Chief of the Lagniappe Volunteer Fire Company. We're not bigots. We call 'em as we see 'em, just make up our minds.

4 Sen. Kerry, why aren't you touting your good luck in snaggin, not one, but two, rich wives? Here at Daryl's, we often wonder what it would be like to have a really rich wife. We speculate just how big a bass boat we could buy, along with one of them new Dodge Hemi trucks to pull it to the crick. Smilin Jack always points out how it's his cousins, Marvin and Dickweed, who appear in them Dodge Hemi commercials, still they can't afford one of their own. You don't have to cook that ketchup, do you? Come on, show the world how lucky you are. We here in the South respect achievement and don't begrudge someone's good fortun! e eve! n if he's a politician.

5 Me and Boudreau wonder why you ain't going to the wrasslin matches to get votes? We've seen videotape of you on the ski slopes. You got some good moves, looks like you already know how to take a fall. All us here (except Freddie Dobbs and Herm Harrison) are great fans of wrasslin. Not that we'd vote for you just because you was one. Armen Yazoo is a wrasslin maniac, but none of us would vote for him, even if he was running only for dogcatcher. So you got to tread easy on showing you're Joe Sixpack who just happened to go to Swiss prep school and St. Paul's School and Yale College Skull & Bones. We'd see through that pose in about a minute and a half and mark you for a hypocritical windbag and general liar. You needn't go to the trouble of hanging a black velvet Elvis oil painting in any of your living rooms. Weren't none of us recently fell off a turnip truck.

6 Tell us something you're for. We already know what you're ag'inst.

7 We ain't all that impressed with the UN, and we don't know why you keep bowing in its direction, promising you will go there first thing if you are elected President of this country. Is there anything the UN has ever done right? Didn't they make a royal mess of that Iraq oil-for-food program, millions skimmed off just happened to land in their personal bank accounts? Seems to us they spend around 98 percent of their time passing resolutions that don't add up to a hill of beans.

8 If you're for lower gasoline prices in the morning, don't be proposing a 50 cents a gallon tax boost on gasoline in the afternoon. Saying one thing in Shreveport and the opposite in Baton Rouge don't inspire us with confidence with you as President. Maybe you should stay in the Senate where you got 99 other guys to share the blame with.

9 We got indoor privies, color TV, cell phones, and computers. Give us some credit for brains and understanding. We know economic conditions are good and getting better. Your telling us we're miserable, deluded fools just won't fly. And it gives us the eerie feeling that you 're hoping for a relapse into recession to help your electoral chances.

10 You have beaten all your Democratic opponents in all the primaries and caucuses held so far. Yet you seem out of touch with your party and with America. Maybe you've been a pol too long, been campaigning too long and you need a break before the Convention. We all think the best thing you can do is haul out your Harley, put TeRAYza on the pillion and take off for the Sturgis South Dakota Bike Rally. Meet the folks. A few of us from Daryl's will be there. You don't have to get tattooed.

Sincerely, Cooter