thanks you also will call later or sunday i am now just dealing with the reality of what has happened to me ,jeri doesnot understand ,know one does ,we talked everyday ,then when i am back here away from family it hit and it sucks and is going to take time somedays i don't want to do shit except talk to my mother so that is why i am stressed don't know how to to handle it or what is the wrong or right way at this point i am flat ,angrey,mad hurt,feel alone,its hard to eplain how i feel because it changes every hour,hell didnot even get out of bed tues,so if i am short and harsh it because i have never delt with death and don't know if i am doing it right,if jeri or some friends back home call and say you have to move on or you need to get out i am going to scream its only been 3 weeks and the time i was home i had to be the man for everyone else now its my time to see what and how i should do things,its not like there is a book on what to do to pick up the pieces when your world is shattered and thats how i fell,so yes i am far from myself and don't know what is normal and what isnot,people have said you need to see someone,hell hoe do they know,my preist is back home and he was my rock when i was there now i have to act like people think i should or they will tell my dad ,sister or brother and i will get the speach all over again,now all i worry about is my dad being alone,so yes my mind is all screwed up.