Thanks everyone this really made me fell good,because all week i was depressed the first birthday in my life ever with out my mom god bless her,I will be honest i have had a few good crys this week because i am still adjusting to it even though its been almost 7 months but it hurt and ,the hurt was for me not for her am i very glad for her but i was selfish she was the person whom kept me in check we would talk at least every other day even though i was 2,400 miles away from home.
Then the guilt set in thinking maybe i should of got home more the last few years because of the times i lost in my 2 years of running and gunning and she was always there for me with tuff love through out my screw ups and good love also. Then to top it off we all know if you play most everyday you are going to have 3-5 times a year where it goes bad well this week was it black jack and games not the worse money wise but i will be honest this might be the worst over all % week i have had at anytime even in college when i would throw darts but that happens but just poor timeing. i do not think i am going to win 3 games today and most of you know i play about 7-10 games for myself on a sat and suday so one of those things i know it happens but it still gets to the mind. Then my dad called and i got all chocked up and i try to act strong to him so not to upset him because they were married 54 years and still at time my mom would say after being clean for a good amount of time when i would rage now settle down and please don't drink,well then my dad said that today,i guess when people don't understand i do not want a drink and even being some what depressed i would not pick up a drink.
So all of the thoughts and emails made me feel very good would just going to isolate in the house with blinds shut and sleep i do that when i get like this,but after reading all the notes and cards it brought a much needed smile and i am going to the lake and just walk around and fish a little and say hey relax and enjoy get out of the house and have some fun,see i still have control and anger issues and out burst at times so thats why i am harsh at times and on the xannax,so to those i have been rude to and harsh at ,now you might know why,its not you it's me 2 come to mind edludes and azbob. so 41 middle age i guess so sorry to you both and any others.
But the letters and notes made my day as silly as it sounds but it really did,i got gear packed and might fish till dawn. Thank you all and hope to see more of you out here for party.
the letters and thoughts were amajor help today even opened blinds to let sun in. thank you all.
Dboy happy back at you my friend have fun on your day and hope you all have a great week in overall life.
