Have you ever forgotten where you are at and.....

[The Big Tease]

fart out loud? I am talking like just completely lose your mind and fart at the most inopportune times. The other day i was walking into work, and this hot broad was walking in behind me......I have no idea where my mind went....and then BRRRRRR!

I then realized what I have done......I had to think fast, so I had to act like I tripped. I thought 1 of 2 things could happen. 1) I could simulate a sound that sounded similar to what I had just done or 2.) if the cat was out of the bag that I had just done this, I could save face by making it look like I tripped and it just slipped out.

What actually happened, is that I looked back at the chick, and she said "not your day, huh?" To which I replied....."Smells like it..." OH MY GOD....what did I just say? I am telling you guys.....true story here.

She did manage to give me a charitable laugh out of the last comment...and I limped up the stairs to my office.

Any of you guys ever have this happen? This isnt the first time I have lost my mind and just farted, like I was at home sitting in the recliner.....

 

[fatdaddycool]

I was in bed with the girlfriend the other night and just plowed one. I was just about asleep when the thunder woke me up. Keep in mind I NEVER fart in front of her nor did I ever fart in front of ex wife. One time though I was sound asleep and let a heater go and the stench literally woke me out of a sound sleep and then it woke the wife from her slumber..........man was that wretched. Wife started gagging it was so bad. I did let one go in the produce section the other day and it was foul. I just moved away and watched the fireworks.

 

[Chanman]

You'll know the Honeymoon is over,

And Romance a wilting flower,

When she comes in and takes a sh*t,

while you are in the shower.

 

[Clem D]

LMAO I fart every chance I get around The Seahag. I said in earlier thread PIZZA and beer make for good fuel for the old Dutch Oven.

Tease, not sure if you are married but even if you are you should try to make time with that hot broad the next time you see her. She will think you must be hung like a Power Forward to have the balls to approach her after you blew mud her way. Play your cards right and you can get the old Dutch Oven fired up while she is polishing your fire hat.

Keep Up the good work

 

[davidjg47]

I was in pet-smart with my son looking at fish. We had just finished eating and I felt one coming on. I walked to the far wall and let it go because everyone was out of hearing range expect my grandson and we laughed. The problem though, they wasn't out of smelling range and it did STINK BAD. My grandson started saying PAPA did it. It was a silent wall of gas and all the people in the fish room(5 or 6) including my son was all giving me the look as I walked back around them. The smell was so bad the people left the room until it finally ended...

 

[yyz]

I can't stand it when I am alone, and decide to let one roll. It is almost like a lunch whistle, or something......People just decide to "show up". As soon as I do it, the more it stinks, the faster someone shows up! Since I am alone before they come up to me, I can't blame anyone else........

 

[DOGS THAT BARK]

I save mine up for Sunday grocery shopping at Kroger.
As I slide down the isle I hold em back till I find unsuspecting shopper looking on lower level shelves---the best ones will part their hair

 

[xusnhtus]

LMAO tks BT , i have a fondness for White Castle burgers, but look out behind me.

 

[trolln4walii]

I save mine up for Sunday grocery shopping at Kroger.
As I slide down the isle I hold em back till I find unsuspecting shopper looking on lower level shelves---the best ones will part their hair

:142lmao: :142lmao:

OMG....laughing has started the coughing spasms..but it was worth it!!! Too funny DTB :clap:

 

[Captain Crunch]

i have a fondness for White Castle burgers

Those things will turn anybodies ass into a flame thrower. I don't miss those at all.

 

[marine]

Not a fart story, but a "forgot where i was story"

Background: My mother came out to visit over thanksgiving and to see her grandaughter.. while out here, she bought me a few early xmas presents.. a few ties, a pair of shoes etc etc.

So the Monday after xmas, I am in downtown DC walking along and wearing one of the spiffy new ties my mom got me.
Out of nowhere this lady walks up to me and starts fingering and fondling my tie. She was about 27-28 and a real classy lookin gal, good looking and dressed up.
So she is grabbing at my tie right up in my face and saying things like "oooo i rrrrrrrrrreally love this tie" "mmmmmm this tie looks really good on you"

Now, most men with half a brain would use this as an opportunity to try and establish a one night stand relationship. Not your faithful marine!

Without even thinking about it, I replied to her

"Thanks! My mom got it for me this weekend."

Her face turned red, she tried not to laugh, and then burst out laughing with tears streaming down her face as she turned and walked away from me.

If there was ever a time that I wish I could let loose a fart with a 15 foot backblast area directed right at her, it was right then.

 

[Chopsticks]

Too freakin' funny...One of the funniest threads I've ever read!!!! Speaking of farting, I was getting a lap dance at a local strip club last year and the stripper let one rip on my lap!!!!! Needless to say, not only did I lose my chubby, but I didn't have to pay her for the lap dance. I'll never forget that night as long as I live...

 

[backcracker]

Funny chit!! Best is when I'm working on a female patient or older women and I put her on the side to adjust her lower back and she lets one loose. Happens at least once a month and they get so embarressed I usually just say good one and get the f outta the room due to the stench. Had one lady a few months ago about 45-50 real nice lady let one loose she turned bright red I just acted like I didnt even hear it and kept talking. Then a few weeks ago had a bigger lady about 40 years old last name BAUM let out a BOMB in my office I had to run out of the room it stunk so bad. My secretary saw the look on my face and could not stop laughing.

 

[IntenseOperator]

:142smilie :142smilie :142smilie

 

[vinnie]

Funny chit!! Best is when I'm working on a female patient or older women and I put her on the side to adjust her lower back and she lets one loose. Happens at least once a month and they get so embarressed I usually just say good one and get the f outta the room due to the stench. Had one lady a few months ago about 45-50 real nice lady let one loose she turned bright red I just acted like I didnt even hear it and kept talking. Then a few weeks ago had a bigger lady about 40 years old last name BAUM let out a BOMB in my office I had to run out of the room it stunk so bad. My secretary saw the look on my face and could not stop laughing.

:142lmao: :142lmao: :142lmao: :142lmao: :142lmao:

 

[loungelizard]

I gotta tell ya that some of the cheapest and most fun I've ever had was trick farting on a glass elevator. I know sounds and is really juvenile, but there is something about eating some hard boiled eggs, and broccoli then the next day climbing on a glass elevator and squeezing one off, then getting off on the next floor and watching the faces on the people going up...damn cracks me up thinking about it. Thanks for bringing back some good memories. :clap:

Peace,
ll

 

[Agent 0659]

I gotta tell ya that some of the cheapest and most fun I've ever had was trick farting on a glass elevator. I know sounds and is really juvenile, but there is something about eating some hard boiled eggs, and broccoli then the next day climbing on a glass elevator and squeezing one off, then getting off on the next floor and watching the faces on the people going up...damn cracks me up thinking about it. Thanks for bringing back some good memories. :clap:

Peace,
ll

:142lmao: :142lmao: :142lmao:

 

[BahamaMama]

I was in bed with the girlfriend the other night and just plowed one. I was just about asleep when the thunder woke me up. Keep in mind I NEVER fart in front of her nor did I ever fart in front of ex wife.

oh my gosh, think i'm in LOVE.....didn't know there was a man left in this world that didn't play by the 3 or 6 month *rule* LOL

 

[The Big Tease]

OK.....I am feeling really close to you guys right now.....but I have one very important question.

When you have just let out a wet fart....how do you check yourself to see if you have just leaked? I would say I am about 98% dry most of the time, but how do you deal with the 2% when you are not OK?

I dont know if this is right or wrong, but unless I am at work, I will creep my index finger down there and check out the scene. if it is wet, we have a problem. I guess if it is dry, we kinda have a problem too, because I just swiped my ass with my bare finger. If I am at work, I will usually grab each cheek with both hands and rub them together over my pants......you can usually detect a little wetness....and if so, you can easily take care of that in the bathroom.

How do you guys deal with this problem?

 

[BahamaMama]

OK.....I am feeling really close to you guys right now.....but I have one very important question.

When you have just let out a wet fart....how do you check yourself to see if you have just leaked? I would say I am about 98% dry most of the time, but how do you deal with the 2% when you are not OK?

I dont know if this is right or wrong, but unless I am at work, I will creep my index finger down there and check out the scene. if it is wet, we have a problem. I guess if it is dry, we kinda have a problem too, because I just swiped my ass with my bare finger. If I am at work, I will usually grab each cheek with both hands and rub them together over my pants......you can usually detect a little wetness....and if so, you can easily take care of that in the bathroom.

How do you guys deal with this problem?

okay BT....you have me absolutely ROTFLMAOPIMP with that post :142lmao:

first thought that came to mind is that this means you shit your pants at least once if not 2 times per day (based on men i know) if 49 are dry, 1 is wet....well minimum of 100 farts per day and you do the math


other thing this thread keeps reminding me of is Nickelodeon...... those of you with young kids may be able to relate!!! in the mornings they show a commercial on a regular basis....sometimes there is a song, other times just talking....the song is *farts are good for you* .....they talk about "be smart, know your farts", and what type of foods cause what type of farts.......at the end it is *let 'em rip* !!! gotta love that they are teaching kids these days that it's a natural and healthy part of life....LOL