Jerry : Speaking of having it all ... Where were you?
George : I went to the beach. ( J and E exchange looks )
Jerry : Oh, the beach.
George : It's not working, Jerry. It's just not working.
Jerry : What is it that isn't working?
George : Why did it all turn out like this for me? I had so much promise. I was
personable, I was bright. Oh, maybe not academically speaking, but ... I was
perceptive. I always know when someone's uncomfortable at a party. It all
became very clear to me sitting out there today, that every decision I've
ever made, in my entire life, has been wrong. My life is the complete
opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every aspect
of life, be it something to wear, something to eat ... It's all been wrong.
( A waitress comes up to G )
Waitress : Tuna on toast, coleslaw, cup of coffee.
George : Yeah. No, no, no, wait a minute, I always have tuna on toast. Nothing's ever
worked out for me with tuna on toast. I want the complete opposite of tuna
on toast. Chicken salad, on rye, untoasted ... and a cup of tea.
Elaine : Well, there's no telling what can happen from this.
Jerry : You know chicken salad is not the opposite of tuna, salmon is the opposite
of tuna, 'cos salmon swim against the current, and the tuna swim with it.
George : Good for the tuna.
( A blonde looks at George )
Elaine : Ah, George, you know, that woman just looked at you.
George : So what? What am I supposed to do?
Elaine : Go talk to her.
George : Elaine, bald men, with no jobs, and no money, who live with their parents,
don't approach strange women.
Jerry : Well here's your chance to try the opposite. Instead of tuna salad and being
intimidated by women, chicken salad and going right up to them.
George : Yeah, I should do the opposite, I should.
Jerry : If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be
right.
George : Yes, I will do the opposite. I used to sit here and do nothing, and regret it
for the rest of the day, so now I will do the opposite, and I will do
something!
( He goes over to the woman )
George : Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice that you were looking in my direction.
Victoria : Oh, yes I was, you just ordered the same exact lunch as me.
( G takes a deep breath )
George : My name is George. I'm bald, unemployed and I live with my parents.
Victoria : I'm Victoria. Hi.
