I wonder if.........

[fatdaddycool]

when I am gone.....
..it will be in a blaze of heroic glory, as I have always dreamed about.
..people will regard my memory as highly as I would like to think they will, or I thought they should.
..will my biologicals ever identify themselves.
..will my daughter understand how much I loved her.
..will she know that my true bloodline starts and stops with her.
..will I ever stop worrying about what people think of me.
..will there be enough people to plant me.
..will my mother remember me?....the way I hope she will.
..will my dad realize I found the letter to his girlfriend sophomore year?
..will my mom know I heard her crying.
I wonder if my sister knows I know she is sick, yet won't tell me.
I wonder if she thinks I don't care.
..will I pay for turning a deaf ear and a blind eye to my grandparents for treating my mother as though my dad had married down.
..I wonder if they know I found the adoption papers for my sister in sixth grade and never found mine, only to find out my sister burned them to prevent that very thing.
I wonder if my sister knows I know.
I wonder if she will know that I miss her.
I wonder how my daughter will remember me.
I wonder if the people I call my friends will know that I tossed a coin in the Trevi Fountain in Rome, and wished that I wouldn't have to wonder about this.
I wonder if all the things that I think make me great....really only make me peat moss.

 

[Skinar]

You're not sick or planning on doing something stupid are you? This kind of sounds like a suicide note. I hope you're just being reflective at the end of another year.

Best Wishes

 

[fatdaddycool]

simple reflection bro, but thank you for the concern.

 

[fletcher]

i can feel some of the thoughts you are having,i might be out of line but i will be the first to say that i am depressed this christmas and if you are also they are better days. i hope to see you soon and i think every one on here for the most part has a bond even though we might snip at each other at times,i think most of us are good people that soetimes blow off steam at other because its easy to do on a key board and also we feel like we are a brother hood at least i feel that way i put my harshness towards edludes long ago because i am sure he is a nice man and i jumped him a few times over things that were probabably my fault and that's how we started so if he reads this marry christmas and happy and safe holidays to you and yours and everyone out there.

and fd i know you woild be missed and remembered in good thoughts when it is your time which it's not by the people who count. i also try to please everyone and worry at times what they think and its because i have a heart and never mean to heart anyones feelings out of spite but at times it has happened.

so merry chritmas my friend i understand some of your thoughts just think straight please. and sorry to anyone else that i ever ran my big mouth to out of line,angery or being upset with things in my life.

to all be safe and talk to you in the new year

Eric

 

[freelancc]

nicely said Fletcher...

i hope you and yours have a wonderful holiday and that 2003 is prosperus and hopeful..

 

[fatdaddycool]

Eric,
very kind and very thoughtful words, they are truly appreciated. I hope you have a great holiday season. I am sure that I am in for better days ahead and I also know we all have our crosses to bear, just thought I might share some of mine.
Once again thank you and have a very happy holiday
Cris

 

[BahamaMama]

and sorry to anyone else that i ever ran my big mouth to
Eric

awww, sweetie, does this mean you forgive me for waking you up during that dream?

see ya in a month....

happy holidays and everydays

 

[AR182]

FDC & Fletcher,

Very touching thoughts, it moved me.

I wish everyone here & their loved ones nothing but joy in the new year.

 

[TIME TO MAKE $$$]

Very touching indeed, I talked with FDC on the phone about 3 weeks ago and I know in detail what he is going through, tough indeed. Cris, I know in time everything will come out ok, just hope its a matter of time. I don't want to say anything here that you wouldn't want said, but I think its just a phase that (you know who) is going through. One day that person will realize what is important and what is not.

Fletcher, well said... FDC is very emotional and I can understand what he is going through, a tough time indeed...

FDC, if you ever need anything you know how to get a hold of me...in times like this I think friendship is important and you know I will be there if needed!!!

By the way, Merry X-mas bro, sorry I'm late but I just got back from Florida.

GOD BLESS

P.S. Hope everything turns around for you in the new year to come