MALE COMEBACKS TO FEMALE COMEBACKS
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Really? I heard it was because everyone there knows you.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Probably because you'd be on your knees begging for attention.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: That's cool, cause after I get done smackin' it to you in the back of my car...... I don't give a sh*t where you go.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: So that's how you got that little mustache.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: Sure that isn't "yield to merging traffic"?
Male: Do you want to dance?
Female: No!
Male: I think you misheard me. I said your ass looks fat in those pants.
Sign seen in a bar:
"Those drinking to forget please pay in advance.
Something to Offend Damn-near everyone...
Where does an Irishman go on vacation?
A different bar.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo".
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
In addition to the description of the animal on the front of the cage, the southern zoo includes a recipe.
How do you get a sweet little 80 year old lady to say "f*ck"?
Get another sweet little 80 year old lady to yell "Bingo"!
What's the Cuba national anthem?
"Row, Row, Row Your Boat"
Q: What is the definition of Confidence?
A: When your wife catches you in bed with another woman and you slap her on the ass and say, "You're next!"
Two bikers were talking at a bar.
"How's married life?" asks the first.
"It's fine," says the second.
"How's the sex?" asks the first.
"Fine," says the second, "At least I don't have to wait in line!"
Q: What's the difference between a terrorist and a wife?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, he walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately
apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her. "Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable a**hole!" she screamed. "That's funny," he muttered, "You even sound exactly like her."
The World's Easiest Quiz?
(Answers at the bottom. Hey - NO Cheating!)
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get catgut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
7) What was King George VI's first name?
8) What color is a purple finch?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10) How long did the Thirty Years War last?
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Answers To The Quiz
1) 116 years, from 1337 to 1453.
2) Ecuador.
3) From sheep and horses.
4) November. The Russian calendar was 13 days behind ours.
5) Squirrel fur.
6) The Latin name was Insularia Canaria - Island of the Dogs.
7) Albert. When he came to the throne in 1936 he respected the wish of
Queen Victoria that no future king should ever be called Albert.
8) Distinctively crimson.
9) New Zealand.
10) Thirty years, of course. From 1618 to 1648.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Really? I heard it was because everyone there knows you.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Probably because you'd be on your knees begging for attention.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: That's cool, cause after I get done smackin' it to you in the back of my car...... I don't give a sh*t where you go.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: So that's how you got that little mustache.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: Sure that isn't "yield to merging traffic"?
Male: Do you want to dance?
Female: No!
Male: I think you misheard me. I said your ass looks fat in those pants.
Sign seen in a bar:
"Those drinking to forget please pay in advance.
Something to Offend Damn-near everyone...
Where does an Irishman go on vacation?
A different bar.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo".
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
In addition to the description of the animal on the front of the cage, the southern zoo includes a recipe.
How do you get a sweet little 80 year old lady to say "f*ck"?
Get another sweet little 80 year old lady to yell "Bingo"!
What's the Cuba national anthem?
"Row, Row, Row Your Boat"
Q: What is the definition of Confidence?
A: When your wife catches you in bed with another woman and you slap her on the ass and say, "You're next!"
Two bikers were talking at a bar.
"How's married life?" asks the first.
"It's fine," says the second.
"How's the sex?" asks the first.
"Fine," says the second, "At least I don't have to wait in line!"
Q: What's the difference between a terrorist and a wife?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, he walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately
apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her. "Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable a**hole!" she screamed. "That's funny," he muttered, "You even sound exactly like her."
The World's Easiest Quiz?
(Answers at the bottom. Hey - NO Cheating!)
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get catgut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
7) What was King George VI's first name?
8) What color is a purple finch?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10) How long did the Thirty Years War last?
(Scroll Down)
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
Answers To The Quiz
1) 116 years, from 1337 to 1453.
2) Ecuador.
3) From sheep and horses.
4) November. The Russian calendar was 13 days behind ours.
5) Squirrel fur.
6) The Latin name was Insularia Canaria - Island of the Dogs.
7) Albert. When he came to the throne in 1936 he respected the wish of
Queen Victoria that no future king should ever be called Albert.
8) Distinctively crimson.
9) New Zealand.
10) Thirty years, of course. From 1618 to 1648.
