Just a few laughs

[Justinsmom829]

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A man, new in town, goes to the best brothel in the
city. Choosing the best looking girl in the place, he
retires to a large and well-appointed suite, where he
has some of the best sex of his life. Satiated, the
man asks the madam, "How much do I owe you?"
The madam motions for him to put away his money.
She then pulls two hundred dollars out of a purse
and gives it to him. She fends off all his attempts
for an explanation.

Naturally, the man returns the following evening.
He gets the same treatment, and he is again given two
hundred dollars.

The third night he does the same thing, but when he
sees the madam, she asks him for three hundred dollars.

"Wait a minute," he says. "The first night you gave
me two hundred dollars. The second night you gave two
hundred dollars. Now you want me to pay you three
hundred? Why?"

The madam smiles and says, "Tonight you weren't being filmed."

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When Zsa Zsa Gabor appeared on The Late Show, she brought
her large purebred cat on, an angora, I believe. The entire
interview, whenever Johnny tried to change the subject, she
kept going back to discussing the cat. Johnny was getting
just a bit frustrated. Finally, Zsa Zsa gave him his opening. She asked him, "Would you like to pet my pussy?"

To which he, of course, replied, "Sure, just get that stupid
cat out of the way."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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The year is 2012 and the United States of America has recently elected the first woman as well as the first Jewish President, Ms. Shirley Vineberg.

So the President-elect calls up her mother in Brooklyn
a few weeks after Election Day.

"So ma, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?"

"I don't think so. It's a six hour drive, and your father isn't as young as he used to be, and my gout is acting up again."

"Don't worry about it Mom, I'll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home. And a limousine will pick you up at your
door."

"I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy; I don't know what on Earth I would wear."

"Oh mom," replies Susan, "Don't worry about it. I'll make sure you have some wonderful dresses by Christian Dior."

"Honey," Mom complains, "you know I can't eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat."

The President-to-be responds, "Don't worry Mom. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in New York,
kosher all the way. Mom, please, I want you to come."

So Mom agrees and so on January 21, 2013, Shirley Vineberg is being sworn in as President of the United States of America.

In the front row sits the new President's mother, who leans over to a Senator sitting next to her; . . . "You see that woman over there with her hand on the Bible, becoming President of the United States?"

The Senator whispers back, "Yes I do."

"Her brother's a famous doctor."

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[gardenweasel]

here we go

here we go

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a
young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and
asks
how old he is.
"I'm 90 years old," he says. "90!" replies the woman.
"Don't you realize you've had it?"
"Oh, sorry," says the old man, "how much do I owe you?"



First-year students at Medical School were
> > > receiving their first anatomy
> > > class with a real dead human body They all
> > > gathered around the surgery
> > > table with the body covered with a white sheet.
> > > The professor started the
> > >
> > > class by telling them, "In medicine, it is
> > > necessary to have two important
> > > qualities as a doctor: the first is that you
> > > not be disgusted by anything
> > > involving the human body." For an example, the
> > > professor pulled back the
> > > sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the
> > > corpse, withdrew it and stuck it
> > > in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same
> > > thing," he told his students.
> > >
> > > The students freaked out, hesitated for several
> > > minutes, but eventually took
> > > turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead
> > > body and sucking on it.
> > > When everyone finished, the professor looked at
> > > them and told them, "The
> > > second most important quality is observation.
> > > I stuck in my middle finger
> > > and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to
> > > pay attention."
> > >


A young punk got on the cross-town bus. He had spiked, multi-colored hair
that was green, purple and orange. His clothes were a tattered mix of
leather rags. His legs were bare and he was wearing worn-out shoes. His
entire face and body were riddled with pierced jewelry and his earrings were
big, bright feathers.

He sat down in the only vacant seat, directly across from an old man who
glared at him for the next ten miles. Finally, the punk got self-conscious
and barked at the old man, "What are you looking at? Didn't you ever do
anything wild when you were young?"

Without missing a beat, the old man replied, "Yeah, back when I was young
and in the Navy I got really drunk one night in Singapore and had sex with a
parrot.....I thought maybe you were my son!"

>
>

 

[AR182]

i have a tape of johnny carson talking about the zsa zsa incident. it was very funny!!

 

[Chanman]

gardenweasel- :lol: