Late Night Friday Jokes

[BADTODABONE]

don't go fishing with the Capt. I told this joke too. Times are tough...he actually thought I worked there for 6 hours.....

He asked me,"aren't you supposed to be retired? 70 or so..."

I told him I lied :mj07: ( I may have got this from you Morris)

:142smilie

:142smilie

:142smilie
> So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter,
> A good find for many retirees,
> I lasted less than a day......
> About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud,
> Unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids,
> Yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
> As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and
> welcome to Wal-Mart.
> Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'
> The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
> 'Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7....
> Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?'
> So I replied,
> 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am,
> I just couldn't believe you got laid twice.
> Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'
> My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.

 

[dunclock]

:mj07:

:toast:

 

[BADTODABONE]

It was once said that a black man would be president when pigs flew. Well behold 100 days into his presidency the swine flu!

 

[Morris]

It was once said that a black man would be president when pigs flew. Well behold 100 days into his presidency the swine flu!

:mj07: :mj07:

 

[BADTODABONE]

A little boy says to his mother,"Mommy, how come I'm black and you're white?"
>
> His mother replied,"Don't even go there! From what I can remember about that party, you're lucky you don't bark!

:142smilie :142smilie :142smilie

 

[BADTODABONE]

WRONG ANSWER.....


WIFE:
What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?

HUSBAND:
Definitely not!



WIFE:
Why not - don't you like being married?

HUSBAND:
Of course I do.



WIFE:
Then why wouldn't you remarry?

HUSBAND:
Okay, I'd get married again.



WIFE:
You would? (With a hurtful look on her face).

HUSBAND:
(Makes audible groan).



WIFE:
Would you live in our house?

HUSBAND:
Sure, it's a great house.



WIFE:
Would you sleep with her in our bed?

HUSBAND:
Where else would we sleep?




WIFE:
Would you let her drive my car?

HUSBAND:
Probably, it is almost new.



WIFE:
Would you replace my pictures with hers?

HUSBAND:
That would seem like the proper thing to do.



WIFE:
Would she use my golf clubs?

HUSBAND:
No, she's left-handed.



WIFE:
- silence - -

HUSBAND:
F * *k....

 

[MadJack]

you gonna be here all week :shrug: