HONEST DRUNK
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket
where she selected a quart of 2% milk, a carton of eggs,
a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of
coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
He said, "You must be single."
The woman, a bit startled but intrigued by the derelict's intuition,
looked at her six items on the belt. Seeing nothing particularly
unusual about her selections she said, "Well, you know what,
you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly."
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People were in their pews talking at church. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the old man and said. "Don't you know who I am?
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't." said the man.
"Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?" asked Satan.
"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.
"Did you know that I could cause you profound horrifying, AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.
"Yep," was the calm reply.
"And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope," said the old man.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 48 years".
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket
where she selected a quart of 2% milk, a carton of eggs,
a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of
coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
He said, "You must be single."
The woman, a bit startled but intrigued by the derelict's intuition,
looked at her six items on the belt. Seeing nothing particularly
unusual about her selections she said, "Well, you know what,
you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly."
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People were in their pews talking at church. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the old man and said. "Don't you know who I am?
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't." said the man.
"Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?" asked Satan.
"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.
"Did you know that I could cause you profound horrifying, AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.
"Yep," was the calm reply.
"And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope," said the old man.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 48 years".
