> LITTLE TONY ON PHILOSOPHY
>
> A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you
> shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little TONY. He
> replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot." The
teacher
> replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
>
> Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
sitting
> on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the
> triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking
> the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is
> married?"
>
> The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one
> that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone." To which Little TONY
> replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on', but I
> like your thinking."
>
>
> LITTLE TONY ON MATH
>
> Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> "Why?" asks the father? "The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said
> '6'", replies TONY. "But that's right!" says his dad. "Yeah, but then she
> asked me 'How much is 3x2?'" "What's the ****ing difference?" asks the
> father. "That's what I said!"
>
>
> LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
>
> Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going
> to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of
> a multi-syllable word?" TONY says "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles
> and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful." Little TONY says, "No,
> Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
>
>
> LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
>
> Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go
> to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!" The
> teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this
> situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'. Please use the
> word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.
"Little
> TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you had
> bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
>
>
> LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR II
>
> One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show
of
> hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence
> twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father
> bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very
> good, Suzie," replied the teacher.
>
> She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet
and
> it turned out beautifully." She said, "Excellent, Michael!"
>
> Then the teacher reluctantly called on little TONY. "Last night at the
> dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said
> 'Beautiful, just ****ing beautiful!'"
>
>
> LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
>
> Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after
> another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son,
> you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne,
> rot your teeth, and make you fat." Little TONY replied, "My grandfather
> lived to be 107 years old." The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6
candy
> bars at a time?" Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own ****ing
> business."
>
> A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you
> shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little TONY. He
> replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot." The
teacher
> replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
>
> Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
sitting
> on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the
> triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking
> the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is
> married?"
>
> The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one
> that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone." To which Little TONY
> replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on', but I
> like your thinking."
>
>
> LITTLE TONY ON MATH
>
> Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> "Why?" asks the father? "The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said
> '6'", replies TONY. "But that's right!" says his dad. "Yeah, but then she
> asked me 'How much is 3x2?'" "What's the ****ing difference?" asks the
> father. "That's what I said!"
>
>
> LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
>
> Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going
> to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of
> a multi-syllable word?" TONY says "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles
> and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful." Little TONY says, "No,
> Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
>
>
> LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
>
> Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go
> to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!" The
> teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this
> situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'. Please use the
> word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.
"Little
> TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you had
> bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
>
>
> LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR II
>
> One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show
of
> hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence
> twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father
> bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very
> good, Suzie," replied the teacher.
>
> She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet
and
> it turned out beautifully." She said, "Excellent, Michael!"
>
> Then the teacher reluctantly called on little TONY. "Last night at the
> dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said
> 'Beautiful, just ****ing beautiful!'"
>
>
> LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
>
> Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after
> another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son,
> you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne,
> rot your teeth, and make you fat." Little TONY replied, "My grandfather
> lived to be 107 years old." The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6
candy
> bars at a time?" Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own ****ing
> business."
