need advice.....chick stuff!!

[kickserv]

ok.........I'm sure I'll get some "smart ass" remarks, but maybe I'll also get some sound advice...........well here it goes:


as some of you know, I met "cool chick" about 6 months ago. She was the one I (with the help of madjackers) met online, and we ended up hitting it off big time. She turned out to be not only incredibly attractive, but hands down the "coolest chick" I have ever met. Anyway, we "dated" on and off for 6 months (saw each other about 2-3 times a week) and then there were times where we didn't see each other. Well, about a month ago I knew I was going to be moving 2000km away (job). Of course, we were never in a committed relationship (I knew she was dating, and she knew I was) so me moving wasn't really that big a deal for her. I also knew that she wasn't ready for a committed relationship with anyone, so no harm.

Well......here is what happened in last two months: In Jan, we barely spoke (she wanted to "break").....no problem......then after 4 weeks...I get a call from her. She tells me how great I am, how she missed me, how this, how that. I'm very happy to hear this, but I also know that I'm moving and of course that doesn't help. Well, I think I have things figured out. I figure that she continues to date, I continue to date, and we will see what happens in say 3 months.

Well.......get this........I've moved for a total of 1 week, have not spoken to her (have e-mailed each other daily though) and today I get an e-mail. She tells me she's "NOT SINGLE ANYMORE"....WHAT


Where in the love of hell did that come from :shrug: She writes how happy she is, how great this guy is, etc, etc. I would have no problem she met a guy...........but all of a sudden she's in a comitted relationship within 6 days after I leave Keep in mind we had a great talk the day before I left. I mean, I'm in shock!! Obviously, I was way off with what was going on. I mean she told me stuff like "fly me out there for my birthday" (April) and other quotes simular to that. Don't get me wrong, I would understand if she ventured into a committed relationship, but hey how about a heads up, or a little time, I mean.....anything! And I mean, not even a phone call??? She sends me an e-mail telling me how happy she is.......what the hell is that :shrug:


So as you can see, I'm a tad perplexed to say the least. Don't get me wrong, I was extremely lucky to have even met her, she is amazing. I was prepared for things not to "work out", but this seems a tad weird to me.


So I ask........what should I do?? I am going to call her, and tell her what I think. But maybe I'm out of line? After all, she didn't do anything wrong. I just can't phathom how she's in a committed relationship, she always said she wasn't ready for that, but ummm..guess she is I wonder if this guy has any idea what he's in for :tongue


Anyway........chicks man.......ya just never know do ya..looks like kickserv got a nice kick in the face. Thought I knew the deal, but obviously I was way way off. Oh well, good well it lasted, just didn't know the dam game was over, I was still in the 1st half, and she already had the team on the bus back to the hotel

 

[Blackman]

Could be way off - but here's a couple of things that came across my mind.

---Any possibility that she had been seeing this guy on the side for a little while and didn't want to tell you about him in person? Just a thought, email is a much easier mode of telling someone something, especially since you're so far away now.

---Maybe it's a ploy to get you to react, to see if you are jelous or indifferent to her being committed to someone else? Pretty sick move on her part but I think we've all experienced worse in our day.

Can't hurt to give her a call and talk to her about it. Get a feel for what she says about him and then do what you feel is best. It's cliche to say that "honest is the best policy" but in cases like this it often is.

Best of luck with that phone call - and keep up posted.

 

[Mjolnir]

tough break dude. i would be the last to know what the right advice would be. i have the tendency to run in the other direction when i come across situations that aren't the best. i probably ran when i should have stayed. i would want to know what she was thinking. but honestly it doesn't sound like this is something that you should invest more time or emotion. i would start wondering if we got back and everything was great and one, two years down the road everything is great then
BOOM
she hits you with something that cuts real deep. if stuff like this is happening at the beginning then why would it change later.
gl

 

[eyeQ]

kickserv been lurking here way too long. bottom line. if you love the girl and want to still see her. call her up and confront her. if shes playing games with you then maybe she is a headcase and you dont need that. if she was seeing someone else waiting for you to leave then i would let her have it but be tactful not rude. seems very fishy that 6 days later she has someone. be slick and think like a chick get to the bottom of it.

 

[Dragon]

Head games...yup.

It almost sounds like she's pulling your chain because you moved away. Don't let her play with your head when she's not even in the same area code, dude. Confront her about the whole situation. Maybe that will help you out-definately don't lose sleep over it.

Good luck

 

[beantownjim]

KICKSERVE IT OBVIOUS YOU DIDNT PLEASE HER IN BED.LET ME GUESS HER NEW BOYFRIENDS NAME IS (TYRONE) WHAT THE F-CKS THE MATTER WITH YOU KID SHE TELLS YOU SHE IS SLEEPING WITH SOMEBODY ELSE AND YOU STILL TALK TO THIS TRAMP.WOW ITS A GOOD THING YOU DIDNT GET HER KNOCKED UP KID OR YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN PAYING FOR THE NEXT 20 YEARS YOU GOT AWAY CHEAP BUDDY NOW GO OUT AND FIND YOURSELF A RESPECTABLE GIRLJACK I CANT DO WHAT I DO BEST AND THATS PICKING WINNERS GAMBLING IF I HAVE TO TAKE TIME OFF TO RESPOND TO THESE YOUNG KIDS LOVE PROBLEMS.KICKSERVE GO OUT AND BUY YOURSELF A NICE SUIT AND GO OUT TO A NICE CLUB AND START BANGING SOME OTHER BROADS AND STOP TAKING UP VALUABLE FORUM SPACE WITH YOUR KIDS GAMES.

FOR ALL YOU KNOW KICKSERVE YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN TALKING TO HER GAY BROTHER ON THOSE E-MAILS SO KNOCK OFF YOUR BULLSHIT NOBODY FEELS SORRY JUST GO OUT AND REPLACE HER.

ASK YOUR OLD GIRLFRIEND TO SAY HELLO TO TYRONE FOR ME AND TELL HIM I LIKE BARBACUE SAUCE WITH MY MCNUGGETS

 

[THE KOD]

kickserve

Drop her like a hot potato. Don't call the bitch and don't email
her no more. She is not worth any further effort.

If you do this I wouldn't be surprises in 3 months she calls you and tells you she is free again.

woman are hard to understand sometimes.

beantownjim seems right on target but I dont think there
are that many Tyrones living in Saskatawhan. Isnt that where bigfoot is from ?

Hope that helps

KOD

 

[saint]

kickserve

Drop her like a hot potato. Don't call the bitch and don't email
her no more. She is not worth any further effort.

If you do this I wouldn't be surprises in 3 months she calls you and tells you she is free again.


KOD

Amen! I agree completely. If she will do this to you now, no need to invest more emotions, she will just do it again down the road. I agree with what Blackman said as well, it sounded to me like she was seeing both of you, maybe the other one a little more, and waited till you left so she didn't have to deal with it in person. Either way, I know it sucks now but you will save yourself a lot of trouble if you don't even deal with her. What's done is done, she can tell you anything but it doesn't change what she did. I would do what scott said and not contact her at all, period. No calls, no emails etc. I think it would drive her nuts. Just my 2c of course.

Good luck w/ things

 

[kickserv]

good advice guys....keep it coming.......some say talk to her, some say don't.........what to do, what to do :shrug:

great points from all..much appreciated


chicks.........I tell ya

 

[beantownjim]

KICKSERVE YOU SAID CHICKS...... I'LL TELL YA (HAVE YOU TRIED THE ALTERNATIVE HOW ABOUT A WEEKEND WITH OUR MARINE) THEN MAYBE YOU WILL REALIZE HOW FORTUNATE YOU ARE TO BE A YOUNG SINGLE HETEROSEXUEL MALE.MAN THERE ARE A TON OF BROADS AROUND JUST DUMP THIS LITTLE TRAMP AND GO BANG A NEW ONE.MAN WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE I HAD SO MANY ONE NIGHT STANDS I ACTUALLY THOUGHT I WOULD BE THE NEXT HUGH HEFNER THEN I MET THE RIGHT WOMEN AND IT HAS BEEN ALL DOWNHILL EVER SINCE

KICKSEVE ALWAYS SLEEP WITH YOUR HANDS ABOVE THE COVERS THIS WAY YOU WONT BE TEMPTED TO TOUCH FELONIOUS MONKS WEINER

 

[ocelot]

I'm with Dragon...she's playing you and seeing what reaction she can get. Guaranteed if you act lie you are happy for her she will come crawling within a couple months with the story that "it didn't work out" with her new beau.

But she might be a complete head case which you may not want to deal with anyway.

 

[Wilson]

Kickserv<

I am a little confused...

Why do you care? You are the one who moved across the country from her...she owes you nothing and you deserve nothing. Hell, she probably made this up so she doesn't have to keep emailing you everyday...how could you disprove what she is telling you??...Its over..move on. JMHO

 

[bjfinste]

Damn Kick, I have REALLY been there so I think I can help.

Quick summary of me, I was seeing my girlfriend from HS when I was a sophomore in college (she was living about 3.5 hours away). I'd been gone about 3 months but had gone home to see her a couple times and all was good, but like you, we still weren't 100 percent committed. We planned on spending my month-long winter break together to see if we really should be together. About 36 hours before I was coming back home for break (and about 20 hours before my Spanish 4 final, the class I had the toughest time with in all of college), she calls and makes small-talk for about 10 minutes. I tell her, "hey, let's make some plans for when I get into town on Monday." And her response is, "actually, let's not. I'm seeing 'new guy' now so I'm not sure we could see each other. Sorry." Talk about being hit by a ton of bricks. And on top of it, I lost all concentration and fvcked up my Spanish final because I couldn't study.

Anyway, when I got home, I would email her and she called a couple times, and it almost seemed like she was getting off knowing how much she'd hurt me and got a real kick out of me still wanting her, and I kept talking, emailing... just feeding her. I found out about a year later that she was basically using me as leverage with the new guy as well (you know, like telling him "Well I know Brandon would do this if I were with him" to get what she wanted). So she was basically playing us both at the same time.

This is where you come in. One day near the end of break I got fed up and quit talking to her and went back to school. About two months later, she was calling me and saying shit like wanting to get together the next time I came home, etc. And when she did call, I'd talk to her like she was a buddy, and then cut it off after 5-10 minutes, saying I had to do something. It's stupid, but chicks seem to find you more attractive the less available you are. By the middle of the following summer, she was telling me that I was "the one" and saw herself marrying me, all because I quit acting like I cared so much about her. It's all mind games to me, but sometimes you have to protect yourself.

What I would suggest is to definately not call her. Just email her back, saying simply, "Well, good luck with that. Let me know if you'll ever be in the area and I can show you around. Take care- Kickserve." Very short and to the point, but not really prickish or sounding upset. And that would be that. It'll bug the shit out of her that you don't care, unless she's really madly in love with this guy. And if she is, then it's better you're not talking to her because then she can't mess with your head anymore.

In retrospect, that's what I wish I would've done right away. Let us know how it goes.

 

[SixFive]

who knows, you might get a call in another 2 months saying she is pregnant but I think it's probably a ploy to make you jealous.

 

[IntenseOperator]

Maybe you are over-reacting

or maybe she meant more to you than you thought

Either way, give things a week or two till you react. Then you will know if this was real or some kind of "crush".

It sounds like the original plan (relationship) was sound. The only possible downfall between two people that are carrying on in that fashion, is that one of them may find something they think is better. She may have, now you have to walk it like you talk it.

Personally
I would stick to my guns and carry on with the original plan of being straight forward and honest. Unless of course you find that you are in Lo..... you find you are in LLLLLLLLL.........in llllll............

I can't even say it.

There are two good things about guys and girls that I have found very useful in my social situations....

Guys generally are selfish jerks that aren't really man enough to talk to anyone eye to eye and be straight. This makes a decent honest man look like a diamond.

Girls will do anything to manipulate a situation to get what they desire/want (I'm not implying a negative with that statement). When this doesn't occur, they get very upset and then try to become pro-active and make change. Girls/woman will always remember the "good" of a relationship after time has passed.

To sum up...
Continue to carry yourself with honor and respect her. Stay in contact, this could only be once every six months. She will always remember you in a good light and return whatever is going on in her personal life. The options will always be there.

The hook...
If she is bs'ing you and is basically playing a game, then all rules are off and she should be treated and manipulated like the dog she is.

or

You are in LLLLLLLLLLo...............

GL

Don't let her see you risking your manly-hood on games

 

[Marco]

kickserv....."I wonder if this guy has any idea what he's in for"

That line said a lot.....that you're know all the bs that's going on right now and you have reasonable suspicions about what she's all about....

I'm no relationship expert, but I get the same feeling that a number of posters already expressed, that to find someone else in six days means she was probably juggling both of you....you moved away, now the other guy is the one left.....

Might be good for a casual fling, judging by your description and your suspicions, certainly not someone to get in a serious relationship with.....to me she seems a little conniving.....

With all that distance between the two of you, if it was me I'd move on and find someone that poses less of a headache...

Good luck....

 

[DR STRANGELOVE]

who knows, you might get a call in another 2 months saying she is pregnant but I think it's probably a ploy to make you jealous.

I think we have a winner, but I agree with what Scott aid,
Let's assume she is telling the truth, why would you worry about a woman when she is out (probably) flirting with another guy?
Keep your chin up and move on! Though I must admit, good luck finding a hottie up in saskatchewan.

Now find yourself anotehr woman or else you'll be tempted to touch BTJ's weiner

 

[DR STRANGELOVE]

forgot to mention, now that you broke up with ther you are ALLOWED to post pics of "cool chick"

payback is a bitch if you know what I mean!

 

[ctownguy]

kick, you have to just forget her and move on, if you make any type of contact with her except for one last email it will just make you look bad and it sure won't do her any good with her "new" relationship, because as hard as it may be to believe it could be for real.

I married my wife after 6 weeks, yes that's it and we are celebrating our 20th this May. So it can happen.

I agree with bjfinste about the last email, except leave out the part if your in this area etc, just wish her well and let it go at that. Then go find another great girl, there will be one better than that for you.

Good Luck

 

[kickserv]

well madjackers.......talk about advice......wowzers

ok here are some points:

1) I won't contact her until later..I will keep ya posted. I'll take a week and decide what to do, but I will keep you all posted.

2) This is a 30 year old professional mature female, she is not making this up, I believe her when she tells me she's in a committed relationship. But yes, I do see what you guys are saying when I hear the word "game"

3) I sure as hell hope she has known this guy longer then a week, dam I hope so

4) No matter what happens, I'm super happy I met her, amazing chick..........after all I met this girl on the friggen internet, usually ya run the second ya see those "internet chicks". After all, it's hard to find quality females these days........I mean she was pretty close to perfect ($$$, hot as hell, do anything sexually, amazing cook, intelligent, and even liked to watch hockey!!). Can ya really blame me for being pissed off!!! Those kind of females don't come along every day. Don't know about you guys, but finding a quality female is tough as hell...........I mean dam near impossible.......sheeesh!!


all this has told me two things....one, the fact that I care tells me how I feel about her (if I didn't care I would not be pissed off right?!). And two.......beantown Jim is gay :tongue