Need some good Valentines suggestions...
- Thread starter Stuman
- Start date
AAAAAhhh yes the question of the newlywed valentine. I remember the second valentine I spent with my ex wife. I had arranged to borrow a couple of horses to ride from an aquaintence of mine and go out into the country on a ride, armed with a lunch basket and blanket, two bottles of Chateuneuf de pope, and some candy.
First thing that went wrong was the luch basket was cumbersome and had to ride kind of in my lap which, for obvious reasons, was extremely uncomfortable. The wine bottles kept shifting over the damn sandwiches and shmushing them.
Anyway in my effort to find the wine I had forgotten the candy and had to run to several stores trying to find her favorite candy. Had to be those hazelnut things, drove me frickin crazy. Anyway the only ones I found were damaged and only 25% of their original price. I figured that she would rather have some than none so "BAM!" I buy them.
Ok back to the horse ride. Here I am on the ole nag with a damn picnic basket in my face riding Dusty, and I can't see crap. We head down this trail for about a mile and Dusty is fidgeting, I give a little tug on the reigns to let him know just who the hell is in charge here, and that big bastard takes off running full bore all around this pond. I am hanging onto the saddle horn for dear life, and the friggin saddle starts to slip to the side. I am trying to stop the stupid horse and manage to hang on the entire time until my wife stops the horse from running somehow, either that or the stupid bastard just stopped. Anyway, I lost the lunch basket in the fray, yet I never fell. I get off the horse, resaddle and get back on when it occured to me that I had missed the perfect oppurtunity to explain the mashed candy, by saying it smashed when I fell. Disgusted, I kind of slap my thigh in dissappointment and apparently caught a tether on some sort of serving spoon in the basket which caught on my thumb and came flying out of the basket, hitting him (Dusty) in the side of the neck with a loud clap. He of course bucks, throwing me to the ground with my basket in tow.
Long story short, I end up slurping one and a half of the two bottles of wine while the wife massages my poor distorted back while laying face down in the grass. I was pissed and in pain so I let the thought of the sandwiches slip until I had a fair buzz on and got hungry, by that time the Texas sun melted the cheese and rendered the ham inedible. Finished the wine, threw the basket in the creek, and walked the horse all the way back to the trailer. She was very excited when I gave her smashed candy.
First thing that went wrong was the luch basket was cumbersome and had to ride kind of in my lap which, for obvious reasons, was extremely uncomfortable. The wine bottles kept shifting over the damn sandwiches and shmushing them.
Anyway in my effort to find the wine I had forgotten the candy and had to run to several stores trying to find her favorite candy. Had to be those hazelnut things, drove me frickin crazy. Anyway the only ones I found were damaged and only 25% of their original price. I figured that she would rather have some than none so "BAM!" I buy them.
Ok back to the horse ride. Here I am on the ole nag with a damn picnic basket in my face riding Dusty, and I can't see crap. We head down this trail for about a mile and Dusty is fidgeting, I give a little tug on the reigns to let him know just who the hell is in charge here, and that big bastard takes off running full bore all around this pond. I am hanging onto the saddle horn for dear life, and the friggin saddle starts to slip to the side. I am trying to stop the stupid horse and manage to hang on the entire time until my wife stops the horse from running somehow, either that or the stupid bastard just stopped. Anyway, I lost the lunch basket in the fray, yet I never fell. I get off the horse, resaddle and get back on when it occured to me that I had missed the perfect oppurtunity to explain the mashed candy, by saying it smashed when I fell. Disgusted, I kind of slap my thigh in dissappointment and apparently caught a tether on some sort of serving spoon in the basket which caught on my thumb and came flying out of the basket, hitting him (Dusty) in the side of the neck with a loud clap. He of course bucks, throwing me to the ground with my basket in tow.
Long story short, I end up slurping one and a half of the two bottles of wine while the wife massages my poor distorted back while laying face down in the grass. I was pissed and in pain so I let the thought of the sandwiches slip until I had a fair buzz on and got hungry, by that time the Texas sun melted the cheese and rendered the ham inedible. Finished the wine, threw the basket in the creek, and walked the horse all the way back to the trailer. She was very excited when I gave her smashed candy.
FDC,
you are a man full of funny stories, would love to sit down one day with you, drink some beers and share some....
you are a man full of funny stories, would love to sit down one day with you, drink some beers and share some....
REDNECK VALENTINE
COLLARDS IS GREEN, MY DOGS NAME IS BLUE,
AND I AM SO LUCKY TO HAVE A SWEET THANG LIKE YOU.
YOUR HAIR IS LIKE CORNSILK A FLAPPIN' IN DA BREEZE, SOFTER THAN BLUE'S WITHOUT ALL THEM FLEAS.
YOU MOVE LIKE DA BASS THAT EXCITES ME IN MAY,
YOU AIN'T GOT NO SCALES BUT I LUV YA ANYWAY.
YO'RE SATISFYIN' AS OKRY FRYIN' IN DA PAN, YOU'S AS FRAGRANT AS "SNUFF" RIGHT OUT OF DA CAN.
YOU GOT SOM'A YORE TEETH FOR WHICH I AM PROUD,
I HOLD MY HEAD HIGH WHEN WE'RE OUT IN A CROWD.
ON SPECIAL OCCASIONS WHEN YA SHAVE UNDER YORE ARMS
WELL, I'M IN HAWG HEAVEN AND AWED BY YOUR CHARMS.
STILL THEM FELLARS AT WORK, THEY ALL WANT TO KNOW
WHAT I DID TO DESERVE SUCH A PURDY YOUNG DOE.
LIKE A GOOD ROLL OF DUCT TAPE YO'RE THERE FOR YORE MAN
TO PATCH UP LIFES TROUBLES AND FIX WHAT YOU CAN.
YO'RE CUTE AS A JUNEBUG A BUZZIN' OVERHEAD
YOU AIN'T MEAN LIKE THEM FAR ANTS I FOUND IN MY BED
CUT FROM DA BEST CLOTH, LIKE A PLAID FLANNEL SHIRT
YOU SPARK UP MY LIFE MORE THAN A FRESH LOAD OF DIRT.
WHEN YOU HOLD ME REAL TIGHT LIKE A PADDED GUNRACK
THEN MY LIFE'S A COMPLETE, AIN'T NUTTIN' I LACK.
YORE COMPLEXEXION'S PERFECTION LIKE DA BEST VINYL SIDIN'
DESPITE ALL THE YEARS, YORE AGE IT KEEPS HIDIN.
ME AND YOU'S LIKE A MOON PIE WITH A COLD RC DRANK,
WE GO TOGETHER LIKE A SKUNK GOES WITH STANK.
SOME GUYS BUY CHOCOLATE FOR VALENTINES DAY,
THEY GIT IT AT WAL-MART, IT'S ROMANTIC THAT WAY.
STILL OTHER GUYS BUY ROSES ON THAT SPECIAL DAY,
FROM THE COOLER AT KROGER, "THAT'S IMPRESSIVE," I'LL SAY.
SOME FELLERS BUY DIAMONDS FROM A FLEA MARKET BOOTH,
"DIAMONDS IS FOREVER" THEY'LL EXPLAIN SUAVE AND COUTH.
BUT FOR THIS MAN, HONEY, THESE THANGS JUST WON'T DO,
CAUSE YO'RE TO DANGED SPECIAL YOU SWEET THANG YOU.
I GOT YOU A GIFT WITH NO TASTE AN' NO ODOR,
MORE USEFUL THAN DIAMONDS, ITSA NEW TROLLIN' MOTOR!!!!!
COLLARDS IS GREEN, MY DOGS NAME IS BLUE,
AND I AM SO LUCKY TO HAVE A SWEET THANG LIKE YOU.
YOUR HAIR IS LIKE CORNSILK A FLAPPIN' IN DA BREEZE, SOFTER THAN BLUE'S WITHOUT ALL THEM FLEAS.
YOU MOVE LIKE DA BASS THAT EXCITES ME IN MAY,
YOU AIN'T GOT NO SCALES BUT I LUV YA ANYWAY.
YO'RE SATISFYIN' AS OKRY FRYIN' IN DA PAN, YOU'S AS FRAGRANT AS "SNUFF" RIGHT OUT OF DA CAN.
YOU GOT SOM'A YORE TEETH FOR WHICH I AM PROUD,
I HOLD MY HEAD HIGH WHEN WE'RE OUT IN A CROWD.
ON SPECIAL OCCASIONS WHEN YA SHAVE UNDER YORE ARMS
WELL, I'M IN HAWG HEAVEN AND AWED BY YOUR CHARMS.
STILL THEM FELLARS AT WORK, THEY ALL WANT TO KNOW
WHAT I DID TO DESERVE SUCH A PURDY YOUNG DOE.
LIKE A GOOD ROLL OF DUCT TAPE YO'RE THERE FOR YORE MAN
TO PATCH UP LIFES TROUBLES AND FIX WHAT YOU CAN.
YO'RE CUTE AS A JUNEBUG A BUZZIN' OVERHEAD
YOU AIN'T MEAN LIKE THEM FAR ANTS I FOUND IN MY BED
CUT FROM DA BEST CLOTH, LIKE A PLAID FLANNEL SHIRT
YOU SPARK UP MY LIFE MORE THAN A FRESH LOAD OF DIRT.
WHEN YOU HOLD ME REAL TIGHT LIKE A PADDED GUNRACK
THEN MY LIFE'S A COMPLETE, AIN'T NUTTIN' I LACK.
YORE COMPLEXEXION'S PERFECTION LIKE DA BEST VINYL SIDIN'
DESPITE ALL THE YEARS, YORE AGE IT KEEPS HIDIN.
ME AND YOU'S LIKE A MOON PIE WITH A COLD RC DRANK,
WE GO TOGETHER LIKE A SKUNK GOES WITH STANK.
SOME GUYS BUY CHOCOLATE FOR VALENTINES DAY,
THEY GIT IT AT WAL-MART, IT'S ROMANTIC THAT WAY.
STILL OTHER GUYS BUY ROSES ON THAT SPECIAL DAY,
FROM THE COOLER AT KROGER, "THAT'S IMPRESSIVE," I'LL SAY.
SOME FELLERS BUY DIAMONDS FROM A FLEA MARKET BOOTH,
"DIAMONDS IS FOREVER" THEY'LL EXPLAIN SUAVE AND COUTH.
BUT FOR THIS MAN, HONEY, THESE THANGS JUST WON'T DO,
CAUSE YO'RE TO DANGED SPECIAL YOU SWEET THANG YOU.
I GOT YOU A GIFT WITH NO TASTE AN' NO ODOR,
MORE USEFUL THAN DIAMONDS, ITSA NEW TROLLIN' MOTOR!!!!!
chocolate covered fruit instead of flowers
if you need jewelry, go with the tiffany's heart bracelet or necklace...can't miss...or hellah10 had a good idea
if you need jewelry, go with the tiffany's heart bracelet or necklace...can't miss...or hellah10 had a good idea
The wife & I plan on having a jam session that nite. She'll be on the skin flute while I'm playing the butt bongos.
Bon Jovi
Bon Jovi
Here in Nashville Bon Jovi is playing. A local hotel has a package deal for Dinner, Tix, Limo to and from the show, Room, and Brunch the next day for under $200+tix. Seems like a fun time. If your'e going to Bon Jovi you really shouldn't be driving.
Bon Jovi
Here in Nashville Bon Jovi is playing. A local hotel has a package deal for Dinner, Tix, Limo to and from the show, Room, and Brunch the next day for under $200+tix. Seems like a fun time. If your'e going to Bon Jovi you really shouldn't be driving.
Blazer,
Funny that you should post this about Bon Jovi as my girlfriend and I went to the concert in NJ last night. It was part of her V-Day gift as we had seats 15 rows back on the floor. It was nice because it was something for both of us to enjoy and he always puts on a hell of a concert. Have a good time and you are right, you probably shouldn't be driving. A limo may seem expensive but it is better than suffering the consquences of drinking and driving...
Funny that you should post this about Bon Jovi as my girlfriend and I went to the concert in NJ last night. It was part of her V-Day gift as we had seats 15 rows back on the floor. It was nice because it was something for both of us to enjoy and he always puts on a hell of a concert. Have a good time and you are right, you probably shouldn't be driving. A limo may seem expensive but it is better than suffering the consquences of drinking and driving...
