The World Health Organization (WHO) has just issued an urgent
warning about BARS (Beer & Alcohol Requirement Syndrome). A newly identified problem has spread rapidly throughout the world.
The disease, identified as BARS (Beer & Alcohol Requirement
Syndrome) affects people of many different ages. Believed to have started in Ireland in 1500 BC, the disease seems to
affect people who congregate in Pubs and Taverns or who just
congregate. It is not known how the disease is transmitted but
approximately three billion people world-wide are affected, with
thousands of new cases appearing every day.
Early symptoms of the disease include an uncontrollable urge at
6:00pm to consume a beer or alcoholic beverage. This urge is most keenly felt on Fridays. More advanced symptoms of the disease include talking loudly, singing off-key, aggression, heightened sexual attraction/confidence (even towards fuglies), uncalled for laughter, uncontrollable dancing and unprovoked arguing.
In the final stages of the disease, victims are often cross-eyed,
and speak incoherently. Vomiting, loss of memory, loss of balance, loss of clothing and loss of virginity can also occur.
Sometimes death ensues, usually accompanied by the victim shouting, "Hey Fred, bet you can't do this!" or "Wanna see how fast it goes??"
If you develop any of these symptoms, it is important that you
quarantine yourself in a pub with fellow victims until last call or all the symptoms have passed. Sadly, it is reported that the disease can reappear a very short notice or at the latest, on the following Friday.
Side effects for survivors include bruising, broken limbs, lost
property, killer headaches and divorce. On the up side, there is not, and probably never will be, a permanent cure.
warning about BARS (Beer & Alcohol Requirement Syndrome). A newly identified problem has spread rapidly throughout the world.
The disease, identified as BARS (Beer & Alcohol Requirement
Syndrome) affects people of many different ages. Believed to have started in Ireland in 1500 BC, the disease seems to
affect people who congregate in Pubs and Taverns or who just
congregate. It is not known how the disease is transmitted but
approximately three billion people world-wide are affected, with
thousands of new cases appearing every day.
Early symptoms of the disease include an uncontrollable urge at
6:00pm to consume a beer or alcoholic beverage. This urge is most keenly felt on Fridays. More advanced symptoms of the disease include talking loudly, singing off-key, aggression, heightened sexual attraction/confidence (even towards fuglies), uncalled for laughter, uncontrollable dancing and unprovoked arguing.
In the final stages of the disease, victims are often cross-eyed,
and speak incoherently. Vomiting, loss of memory, loss of balance, loss of clothing and loss of virginity can also occur.
Sometimes death ensues, usually accompanied by the victim shouting, "Hey Fred, bet you can't do this!" or "Wanna see how fast it goes??"
If you develop any of these symptoms, it is important that you
quarantine yourself in a pub with fellow victims until last call or all the symptoms have passed. Sadly, it is reported that the disease can reappear a very short notice or at the latest, on the following Friday.
Side effects for survivors include bruising, broken limbs, lost
property, killer headaches and divorce. On the up side, there is not, and probably never will be, a permanent cure.
not cool.
