A major research institution (MRI) has recently
announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical
element yet known to science.
The new element has been tentatively named
"Governmentanium". Governmentanium has 1 neutron,12
assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11
assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of
312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces
called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities
of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentanium has no electrons, it is inert.
However, it can be detected as it impedes every
reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute
amount of Governmentanium causes one reaction to take
over 4 days to complete when it would normally take
less than a second.
Governmentanium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it
does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization
in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and
deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentanium's mass will actually increase
over time, since each reorganization will cause some
morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some
scientists to speculate that Governmentanium is formed
whenever morons reach a certain quantity in
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred
to as "Critical Morass". You will know it when you see
it.
announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical
element yet known to science.
The new element has been tentatively named
"Governmentanium". Governmentanium has 1 neutron,12
assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11
assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of
312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces
called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities
of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentanium has no electrons, it is inert.
However, it can be detected as it impedes every
reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute
amount of Governmentanium causes one reaction to take
over 4 days to complete when it would normally take
less than a second.
Governmentanium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it
does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization
in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and
deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentanium's mass will actually increase
over time, since each reorganization will cause some
morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some
scientists to speculate that Governmentanium is formed
whenever morons reach a certain quantity in
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred
to as "Critical Morass". You will know it when you see
it.
