17 21 Cincinnati Bengals (4-5)
This is my hot team, the club I've designated as the one that will record the weekend's most shocking upset when it upends Kansas City. Don't be surprised that the Bengals like to run so much. Marvin Lewis is a defensive coach, and those people always favor a ground game, whether it's Corey Dillon or Rudi Johnson or Rudy Giuliani carrying the ball. From that nasty part of my brain comes the little voice: Well, Dick LeBeau was a defensive coach, too, and he never ran anyone the way Lewis ran Johnson last week. That's the good thing about arguments with yourself. You always break even.
18 18 Buffalo Bills (4-5)
Loved their defense last Sunday, especially the play of left corner Antoine Winfield. What I didn't love was the way Drew Bledsoe failed to protect the ball, even with no one actually slamming it out of there. Bore an eerie resemblance to some of Kurt Warner's fumbles in Week 1.
19 19 New Orleans Saints (4-5)
The final bye team, and yes, all four have held their spots from last week, which might be a record, and at this point I say let's move on to a team that's really interesting, and that would be the ...
20 17 New York Giants (4-5)
n my long career as a beat man I never wrote a "fire the coach" piece -- or even a speculative one on when he'd be canned -- while the season was going on. After the season ... well, OK, kind of, although I never got on the soap box and said "this guy absolutely has to go." My feeling is, the poor devils have a hard enough job. They work impossible hours. Let 'em alone, for God's sake. But yet, one local paper on Tuesday carried no less than three major pieces on Jim Fassel's future with the club. I know all the writers. One or two are pretty good friends. But I'll say this to my fellow journalists: How would you like it if every time you blow a deadline or miss an angle, there are people standing behind you taking a pro or con on your future? The season has seven games to run. Take a position on the man, if you must, and then get off it. Leave him alone while his guys are still playing. And now the prosecution may proceed with its argument.
21 25 Washington Redskins (4-5)
Offensive coordinator Hue Jackson, flushed with success, is now calling the plays. And what happens if this rosy glow darkens, and next week the offense gets stuffed? Will the fans be screaming for Jackson's head? One of the great difficulties in life, I find, is to organize your priorities on just whom to get mad at.
22 23 Pittsburgh Steelers (3-6)
Joey Porter, after the Cardinals victory: "You hear the locker room? It's buzzing right now. Everyone's not quiet. This is a locker room I'm used to." I've got another explanation. Flies.
23 20 Houston Texans (3-6)
Last year at this stage they ranked 11th in the NFL in defense. Fine, that part's OK, so this season we'll concentrate on the attack. And now the defense has slipped to 31st, and it has allowed 500 yards more than it did after nine games in 2002. We're collecting explanation forms at that desk over there. Players have been hurt. Better caliber of opposition. Well, those are a start.
24 22 Cleveland Browns (3-6)
I hear a feeble murmuring ... they killed the Steelers, but Pittsburgh's rated higher. It's feeble because true Browns fans are so upset by three straight losses that they can't worry about minor issues such as the Z Rankings.
25 32 San Diego Chargers (2-7)
Leave it to a fellow Columbia guy to come up with the right answer. Defensive end Marcellus Wiley said Doug Flutie, not Drew Brees, should be running the show. "Hey you," he was told, "shaddup and siddown!" And now look what happened. Boy, am I glad that Chargers-Vikings was one of the games I taped. I'm going to enjoy watching it at my leisure.
26 24 Arizona Cardinals (3-6)
They're on the road again, then they come home to meet the Rams. They don't even have the stove advantage anymore, since the desert has cooled off to the 90s ... yeah, OK, Linda, I won't make it any worse than it is ... to the 70s. Well, what the heck. Phoenix just landed the Super Bowl for 2008, edging out Washington, New Jersey and Wilmington, Del. Big news, Cardinals fans, even though you'll never see your team in it as long as Bidwill & Co. is steering the ship.
27 27 Detroit Lions (3-6)
A Detroit writer called me to ask what I thought of Joey Harrington against the Bears. I didn't have the heart to tell him that it wasn't one of the games on my tape menu last weekend. Or my dinner menu, either. In general, I see a headstrong kid who will throw the pick every so often but isn't a goody-goody, take-your-five-yard-gain-and-be-happy kind of guy, either.
28 28 New York Jets (3-6)
My late game, Buffalo-Dallas, finished in time for me to catch the end of Jets-Raiders. I saw them lining up for the field goal. I saw the kicker, Doug Brien, crank himself up, doing his routine. I expected to see a frog come hopping out onto the field. Or the stadium lights explode. Or a streaker, or a stalker. Anything that would put a further hex on this snake-bitten team. But no, straight through the uprights went Brien's kick, and it was high fives all around, they had beaten one of the few NFL teams worse than they are. Here in New York we are thankful for small things. Such as kickers.
29 30 Jacksonville Jaguars (2-7)
Payback is a lost art in the NFL. In the old days a player would get even with someone who did him dirty, but now everyone's making too much money for such trivia. Thus it was a rare and heartwarming sight to see Fred Taylor get even with a Colts' guy who had taunted him, SS Reggie Doss, by running over him on the way to a TD. Next Sunday many sermons will be devoted to the topic of how you can get even in a clean and manly way, without resorting to the sneaky, awful things your faithful narrator used to be guilty of.
30 31 Atlanta Falcons (2-7)
On the heels of four Giant turnovers (actually, let's lower-case that ... four giant turnovers) comes Dan Reeves' 200th victory. If I were Dan, I'd have Tiki Barber and Kerry Collins sign the ball, which will find its way to his trophy case.
31 26 Chicago Bears (3-6)
Teams with worse records are ranked higher, a team with a worse record is ranked lower. The great melting pot of the Bowery soup kitchens down here.
32 29 Oakland Raiders (2-7)
Last year it was all pass and no run. Last week it was all run and no pass. This is called balancing your offense.
Sorry but had to rub it in while I still have the chance
SC
