Nymphomaniac Convention

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zoomer

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A NYMPHOMANIACS CONVENTION

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced
up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon
realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it,
she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs
of America Convention in Boston."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting
next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role
at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal
experiences to debunk some of the popular myths abou t sexuality."

"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"

"Well," she explained, "One popular myth is that African-American men are the most
well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most
likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men
of Jewish descent who are the best.

I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the
Southern Redneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said,
"I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."
 
M

Mr. Mel

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Did you guys just get the internet or WHAT? How you haven't seen some of these jokes is beyond me. :shrug: :shrug: :shrug:

This shit is SOOOOOOOOOO 2001
 
The Judge

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I think that this is probably more in line with Mr. Mel's brand of humor.


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H

hedgehog

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zoomer said:
A NYMPHOMANIACS CONVENTION

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced
up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon
realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it,
she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs
of America Convention in Boston."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting
next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role
at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal
experiences to debunk some of the popular myths abou t sexuality."

"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"

"Well," she explained, "One popular myth is that African-American men are the most
well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most
likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men
of Jewish descent who are the best.

I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the
Southern Redneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said,
"I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."
Click to expand...

:mj07: :00hour
 
MadJack

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i think i heard that joke when i was in highschool. i graduated highschool in 1973 :shrug:

it WAS funny but i guestimate i have heard/read that joke 943 times :mj07:
 
T

Taximike

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A burglar breaks into a house. He sees a CD player that he wants so he takes it. Then he hears a voice "JESUS is watching you". He looks around with his flashlight wandering "What The HELL Was That?". He spots some $ on a table and takes it......Once again he hears a voice " JESUS is watching you". He hides in a corner trying to find where the voice came from. He spots a birdcage with a parrot in it! He goes over and asks " Was that your voice?". It said "YES". He then says "What's your name?". It says "MOSES". The burglar says " What kind of person names his bird moses??" The parrot replys "THE SAME PERSON THAT NAMES HIS ROTWEILER "JESUS".
 
T

Taximike

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Wait a minute, found an even older joke.....

There was a boy who worked in the produce section of a super market. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, only half. The boy explained that he would have to ask the manager and so he walked into the back room and said, "There is some jerk out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce." As he finished saying this, he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he quickly added, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half." The manager okayed the request and the man went on his way. Later on the manager said to the boy, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from, son?" The boy replied, "Minnesota, sir." "Oh, really? Why did you leave Minnesota?" inquired the manager. The boy replied, "They're all just whores and hockey players up there." "My wife is from Minnesota", exclaimed the manager. The boy instantly replied, "Really! What team did she play for?"
 
G

GamblingFool365

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Hmmm. What is funny is I'v never HERD the Joke!

BUT I am Young and nor would I ever Search for "OLD JOKES" in Madjacks OR the internet because I actually have a Life and real life friends to hang out with! But I guess IF YOUR OLD and Have No life than I would think it was OLD TOO!

Good Joke Zoomer!!!
 
IntenseOperator

IntenseOperator

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ever here of this knee slapper....

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

'Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.'

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, 'Sure. I have this,' and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, 'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.'

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. 'I mean, what in the world is this?'

(you're gonna love this)

The bank manager looks back at her and says...

'It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, His old man's a Rolling Stone.'
 
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