The Romney campaign let slip the fact that, once elected, he will purpose the new country of Amercia that will be made up of only those states worthy of being part of this newly formed union.
I have determined below which states will be part of our new country. If your state is not part of Amercia, let me know and I will determine if you should move or be subject to the alternatives offerred by President Romney and his counsel of elders.
Alabama If we are grading on the curve, they will be every other state?s best friend?sign them up but, leave the sheets at home
Alaska We need the oil and must stay vigilant to keep an eye on Russia from Sarah Palin?s front porch
Arizona Sherriff Joe and Jane Brewer bring their brand of wild west politics to Amercia. Emphasis of the new country will be on the last three letters, CIA, so they can keep an eye on these radicals who are trying to enforce the law. They?re in for nine months each year as it?s too hot in the summer.
Arkansas Are they really even a state now?let?s treat this state like we do the homeless and soon it will be forgotten
California San Diego south and everything north of San Francisco are in?rest of the state put under arrest and are housed in the Super Dome (see Louisiana).
Colorado Most healthy state in the country?show offs but, they do have lots of trees and we want to see what happens to Peyton
Connecticut Apparently a state full of cheaters?see what you started Chris Dodd? We need referees for NBA games so they are in.
Delaware For their efforts to provide all corporations a tax break, they?re in
Florida Toughest state to call as we like the ocean and casual lifestyle but, are concerns with alligators and Gloria Estefan. Let them join up as long as all reality shows are confined to this state and all losers on those shows are killed. After that, all winners on those shows are also killed.
Georgia Nice enough state except people from Georgia live there?no one wants that?they are out
Hawaii Rich people have to have somewhere to vacation when it?s too unsafe for Amercians to travel anywhere else in the world
Idaho Boise State fans now think they are entitled, Montana is bigger?they are out
Illinois There are in as long as they don?t bring the Cubs or any former or current governor with them.
Indiana It?s a more perfect union without them
Iowa High fructose corn syrup?need I say more?they are in
Kansas I have driven through this state and I don?t think any people live there?they?re included as we need the land and a place to store cows from Oklahoma.
Kentucky Blue grass seems creepy and they are a horse-based economy?new American will be focused on desert landscaping and animal freedom?fail
Louisiana Not part of the new country but, will allow state to remain in place as a Hurricane buffer. Also will serve as the new ?Gitmo??everybody wins.
Maine Our new country needs their expertise and technology to mass produce lobster bisque
Maryland Damn dirty bastards are out for what they did to Ralph Freigen. Besides that, since watching The Wire, Americans are too afraid to go to Baltimore.
Massachusetts Geographically challenged as they should be located in the south with the other racist states. England might take them back if we throw in the dental schools
Michigan Flint and Detroit now #1 and #2 in USA murder rate?wait a little longer and they will all kill each other. The work of Michael Moore continues to influence the state.
Minnesota We like the skywalk system in Minneapolis?they can stay
Mississippi Yeah right.
Missouri Definitely out?St Louis has the #3 murder rate and when The Obama implements Death Squads, there won?t be any seniors left to visit Branson. Added benefit, Sudafed available over the counter again.
Montana Doomsday preppers will teach us all how to ensure people from Arkansas don?t invade our new country
Nebraska There are only two things from Nebraska?enough said
Nevada Decadence and the ability to store nuclear waste?a role model for our new Amercia
New Hampshire Would prefer the pomp and circumstance of Old Hampshire?combine with
Rhode Island and there will be enough space for a permanent home to the NHL winter classic.
New Jersey If Canada won?t take them, let?s ensure the Kardashians are visiting and then three words, ?nuclear drone attack.? Will reconsider if they legalize sports betting.
New Mexico Has Mexico in their name?they must go
New York Even Woody Allen makes his movies in Europe now?David Letterman has been neutered and Brooklyn has the Nets?it?s the three strike rule?they?re out.
North Carolina Teeth are stained from too much tobacco and we sent most of our dentists to England?no go.
North Dakota Combine with South Dakota and we may have to throw in both for Canada to consider taking New Jersey.
Ohio Cleveland is in Ohio. LeBron said what we have all been thinking?they will not be taking their talents to Amercia.
Oklahoma Nothing to offer except underperforming college football teams?they?re out
Oregon New country will need direct access to Nike?s supply chain of underage children in developing countries. Oregon makes the cut but, each citizen must shower and get a haircut before pledging their allegiance.
Pennsylvania Home of Sandusky and Santorum?you make the decision
Rhode Island No one has ever met a person from Rhode Island so, for no particular reason, these mythical creatures will be named overlords of Texas.
South Carolina They have accents?they?re out. Will reconsider if they adopt English as their primary language.
South Dakota See North Dakota and pick a mountain in Colorado to start carving
Tennessee They seem to like women?s basketball and chewing tobacco a little too much. Spit cups not part of the new union.
Texas Probably in but, first need an inventory of how many Bushes are left to become President.
Utah Too hard to get a cocktail and no Spectavision in the hotel rooms. State goes on a permanent mission.
Vermont Flip a coin
Virginia A lot more rednecks than we would like in our new country but, they have good schools so they will matriculate to Amercia
Washington Very nice state but, in order to be included they must close all Starbucks, hang Pete Carroll and change their name so we don?t confuse them with Washington DC or the manager of the Rangers.
West Virginia Teen moms have to come from somewhere?they are much more attractive in Russia?rejection.
Wisconsin Now that the government has straightened out this state, they can stay since cheese tastes so good
Wyoming Last in the alphabet, last in our thoughts?no one will notice if they are in or out
I have determined below which states will be part of our new country. If your state is not part of Amercia, let me know and I will determine if you should move or be subject to the alternatives offerred by President Romney and his counsel of elders.
Alabama If we are grading on the curve, they will be every other state?s best friend?sign them up but, leave the sheets at home
Alaska We need the oil and must stay vigilant to keep an eye on Russia from Sarah Palin?s front porch
Arizona Sherriff Joe and Jane Brewer bring their brand of wild west politics to Amercia. Emphasis of the new country will be on the last three letters, CIA, so they can keep an eye on these radicals who are trying to enforce the law. They?re in for nine months each year as it?s too hot in the summer.
Arkansas Are they really even a state now?let?s treat this state like we do the homeless and soon it will be forgotten
California San Diego south and everything north of San Francisco are in?rest of the state put under arrest and are housed in the Super Dome (see Louisiana).
Colorado Most healthy state in the country?show offs but, they do have lots of trees and we want to see what happens to Peyton
Connecticut Apparently a state full of cheaters?see what you started Chris Dodd? We need referees for NBA games so they are in.
Delaware For their efforts to provide all corporations a tax break, they?re in
Florida Toughest state to call as we like the ocean and casual lifestyle but, are concerns with alligators and Gloria Estefan. Let them join up as long as all reality shows are confined to this state and all losers on those shows are killed. After that, all winners on those shows are also killed.
Georgia Nice enough state except people from Georgia live there?no one wants that?they are out
Hawaii Rich people have to have somewhere to vacation when it?s too unsafe for Amercians to travel anywhere else in the world
Idaho Boise State fans now think they are entitled, Montana is bigger?they are out
Illinois There are in as long as they don?t bring the Cubs or any former or current governor with them.
Indiana It?s a more perfect union without them
Iowa High fructose corn syrup?need I say more?they are in
Kansas I have driven through this state and I don?t think any people live there?they?re included as we need the land and a place to store cows from Oklahoma.
Kentucky Blue grass seems creepy and they are a horse-based economy?new American will be focused on desert landscaping and animal freedom?fail
Louisiana Not part of the new country but, will allow state to remain in place as a Hurricane buffer. Also will serve as the new ?Gitmo??everybody wins.
Maine Our new country needs their expertise and technology to mass produce lobster bisque
Maryland Damn dirty bastards are out for what they did to Ralph Freigen. Besides that, since watching The Wire, Americans are too afraid to go to Baltimore.
Massachusetts Geographically challenged as they should be located in the south with the other racist states. England might take them back if we throw in the dental schools
Michigan Flint and Detroit now #1 and #2 in USA murder rate?wait a little longer and they will all kill each other. The work of Michael Moore continues to influence the state.
Minnesota We like the skywalk system in Minneapolis?they can stay
Mississippi Yeah right.
Missouri Definitely out?St Louis has the #3 murder rate and when The Obama implements Death Squads, there won?t be any seniors left to visit Branson. Added benefit, Sudafed available over the counter again.
Montana Doomsday preppers will teach us all how to ensure people from Arkansas don?t invade our new country
Nebraska There are only two things from Nebraska?enough said
Nevada Decadence and the ability to store nuclear waste?a role model for our new Amercia
New Hampshire Would prefer the pomp and circumstance of Old Hampshire?combine with
Rhode Island and there will be enough space for a permanent home to the NHL winter classic.
New Jersey If Canada won?t take them, let?s ensure the Kardashians are visiting and then three words, ?nuclear drone attack.? Will reconsider if they legalize sports betting.
New Mexico Has Mexico in their name?they must go
New York Even Woody Allen makes his movies in Europe now?David Letterman has been neutered and Brooklyn has the Nets?it?s the three strike rule?they?re out.
North Carolina Teeth are stained from too much tobacco and we sent most of our dentists to England?no go.
North Dakota Combine with South Dakota and we may have to throw in both for Canada to consider taking New Jersey.
Ohio Cleveland is in Ohio. LeBron said what we have all been thinking?they will not be taking their talents to Amercia.
Oklahoma Nothing to offer except underperforming college football teams?they?re out
Oregon New country will need direct access to Nike?s supply chain of underage children in developing countries. Oregon makes the cut but, each citizen must shower and get a haircut before pledging their allegiance.
Pennsylvania Home of Sandusky and Santorum?you make the decision
Rhode Island No one has ever met a person from Rhode Island so, for no particular reason, these mythical creatures will be named overlords of Texas.
South Carolina They have accents?they?re out. Will reconsider if they adopt English as their primary language.
South Dakota See North Dakota and pick a mountain in Colorado to start carving
Tennessee They seem to like women?s basketball and chewing tobacco a little too much. Spit cups not part of the new union.
Texas Probably in but, first need an inventory of how many Bushes are left to become President.
Utah Too hard to get a cocktail and no Spectavision in the hotel rooms. State goes on a permanent mission.
Vermont Flip a coin
Virginia A lot more rednecks than we would like in our new country but, they have good schools so they will matriculate to Amercia
Washington Very nice state but, in order to be included they must close all Starbucks, hang Pete Carroll and change their name so we don?t confuse them with Washington DC or the manager of the Rangers.
West Virginia Teen moms have to come from somewhere?they are much more attractive in Russia?rejection.
Wisconsin Now that the government has straightened out this state, they can stay since cheese tastes so good
Wyoming Last in the alphabet, last in our thoughts?no one will notice if they are in or out
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