rednecks have the lowest stress rate because they do not understand the seriousness of most medical terminology
Medical Term
Redneck Definition
Artery
The study of paintings
Bacteria
Back door to cafeteria
Barium
What doctors do when patients die
Benign
What you be, after you be eight
Caesarean Section
A neighborhood in Rome
Cat scan
Searching for Kitty
Cauterize
Made eye contact with her
Colic
A sheep dog
Coma
A punctuation mark
Dilate
To live long
Enema
Not a friend
Fester
Quicker than someone else
Fibula
A small lie
Impotent
Distinguished, well known
Labor Pain
Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff
A Doctor's cane
Morbid
A higher offer
Nitrates
Rates of Pay for Working at Night, Normally more money than Days
Node
I knew it
Outpatient
A person who has fainted
Pelvis
Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative
A letter carrier
Recovery Room
Place to do upholstery
Rectum
Nearly killed him
Secretion
Hiding something
Seizure
Roman Emperor
Tablet
A small table
Terminal Illness
Getting sick at the airport
Tumor
One plus one more
Urine
Opposite of you're out
You're An EXTREME Redneck When...
? You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
? The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
? You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
? You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.
? You wonder how service stations keep their rest rooms so clean.
? Someone in your family died right after saying 'Hey guys - watch this'.
? You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
? Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
? Your junior prom offered day care.
? You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines'.
? You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
? The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
? You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
? One of your kids was born on a pool table.
? You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
? You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos:
? "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
? "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
? "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
? "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
? "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
? "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
? "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
? "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
? "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
? "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
? "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
? "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center )
? "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
? "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
? "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
? "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
Medical Term
Redneck Definition
Artery
The study of paintings
Bacteria
Back door to cafeteria
Barium
What doctors do when patients die
Benign
What you be, after you be eight
Caesarean Section
A neighborhood in Rome
Cat scan
Searching for Kitty
Cauterize
Made eye contact with her
Colic
A sheep dog
Coma
A punctuation mark
Dilate
To live long
Enema
Not a friend
Fester
Quicker than someone else
Fibula
A small lie
Impotent
Distinguished, well known
Labor Pain
Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff
A Doctor's cane
Morbid
A higher offer
Nitrates
Rates of Pay for Working at Night, Normally more money than Days
Node
I knew it
Outpatient
A person who has fainted
Pelvis
Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative
A letter carrier
Recovery Room
Place to do upholstery
Rectum
Nearly killed him
Secretion
Hiding something
Seizure
Roman Emperor
Tablet
A small table
Terminal Illness
Getting sick at the airport
Tumor
One plus one more
Urine
Opposite of you're out
You're An EXTREME Redneck When...
? You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
? The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
? You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
? You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.
? You wonder how service stations keep their rest rooms so clean.
? Someone in your family died right after saying 'Hey guys - watch this'.
? You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
? Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
? Your junior prom offered day care.
? You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines'.
? You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
? The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
? You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
? One of your kids was born on a pool table.
? You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
? You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos:
? "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
? "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
? "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
? "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
? "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
? "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
? "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
? "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
? "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
? "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
? "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
? "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center )
? "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
? "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
? "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
? "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
