sex advice

[JSMOOTH]

Before we were married, my -then fiance- would give me head at the drop of a hat. After the ring went on....it gradually started to decrease to... twice a week...once a week...once a month...and so on.

Last night, I asked her why it's soooo hard to pay a little more attention below my belt. Her reply?.....are you ready for this?....


Because you like it so much.
Well no freakin duh!!

Oh...and it's not like I avoid her verticle smile either.

 

[BreakaLeg]

Because you liked it so much

AND THAT"S WHAT MADE HER MAD!

 

[Neemer]

Perhaps "chill" on the taco eating for a bit and see how she likes them apples! Your dilemma is just one of the MANY reasons why guys shouldn't marry chicks! Just wait till she cuts the fuzzy taco out of your diet. I hope you've been treatin' your right hand kindly over the last few years cuz you guys are fixing to be reacquainted!


And quite frankly, I'd "KILL" to be gettin my flute played on a monthly basis!!

 

[Theboundbook]

Neemer:

I have been with my "Pookey" for 7 years and we are not married. She likes to give hand jobs and tells me that its because she is "working out". I believe from seeing my friends that are married this would change into "hard labor". I think I'll wait some more. Love is one thing, but signing under a Justice of the Peace, is another thing all together. Good luck to you guys who are married. I may sound bachelor like, but I envy those of you who have a child or children. (Kinda a catch 20; "need a child, you marry me."

 

[shats]

JSmooth

JSmooth

A young girl was talking to her mother about how babies are made. The mom was explaing the birds and the bees. She told her daughter, honey a baby is made when a man puts his penis in a woman's vagina and dposits his sperm in her egg. The little girl looked puzzeled, and said well mommy how come sometimes I see daddy's penis in your mouth. The woman smiled and said, honey that is not about how babies are made, that's how you get your jewelry!!

ps. If you had put a jelly bean in a jar every time your girl "serviced" you the year before you were married and took one jelly bean out every time she hooked you up after you were married, you would never empty that jar!

 

[Tito]

Don't worry, it only gets better. A few more years down the road you'll be asking her on Monday if it'll be alright to have sex with her on Saturday. She'll say yes. Then Saturday will come around and you'll be all pumped up and she won't even remeber the conversation. By 11:00 that night she'll be in bed sleeping and you'll be watching SportsCenter with your hand in your pants.

:shrug:

 

[Felonious Monk]

Here's my advice:

Start watching porn together. It will rebuild your relationship.

 

[JSMOOTH]

Monk

Monk

we do. ahhh, good times.
another good one.....we took the lyrics to Ludicrous song literally.
"Back seat, windows up, that's the way I like to f*ck"

Just before walking up to the alter, the best man notices the groom grinning from ear to ear. He says.."hey man, I know you're glad to be getting married, but easy on the smile dude." The groom says..."you don't understand...she just gave me the best blowjob I've ever had."

Meanwhile, in the brides dressing room, the maid of honor notices the same smile on the bride to be. She says.."Hey girl, I know how happy you are to be getting married, but relax a little." The bride says..."sweetheart, you don't understand. I've just given my last blowjob!"

 

[27th Out]

I used to think that I was the only one in the world with those problems. Wife isn't in to oral sex. Mother taught her that it was wrong. Thing is, I don't want my daughter growing up with that attitude, but don't want my daughter doing it either (good old dad double standard). Have to admit, the less pressure I put on my wife for sex, (not ignoring her, but doing things for her to find me sexy) the more she wants it. Been married for 5 1/2 years, and I was about ready to order a new set of hands.

 

[Andy]

Been married for almost 3 years, have a 11 months Baby Girl and found myself in almost the same situation, so this is what I did : Give her more "foreplay" , tease her around and of course "go down" for her. Do everything to make her wanna "cum" , but do not give her the satisfaction at that moment... take more time touching and teasing with her body, when she wanna "cum", stop again and "sweat talk" with her, try to bring back the good old day when we had sex back then, try to make her relax and re-live the "glory" days. I guess most women are like that after married for a period of time, especially with kids, they get very lazy and lack-of-interest in sex. Gotta be patience with her, make her "come" to you , don't "chase" her. Do everything you possibly could to make her re-build the "need" for sex, to make her feel the passions like before married. Just sharing my 2 cents from my personal experience, hopefully it would work with everyone.


Andy

P.S. Have you heard of the song "I want a man with a slow hand"

 

[PRO190]

Sorry to hear that Smooth, Married w little baby and I still get it all the time,... I think its's in the G(J)enes...

 

[yyz]

Try draggin' a wash cloth over yer nuts and asshole!

One thing the gals at work kick around, is that there is nothing more disgusting than "nut butter". If you want to get the spit shine treatment, clean the bait and tackle! A chick don't want to have your hard days work/play rising up through the air.

Also, don't think you need to drop the boys off on her tonsils! Show some fuhking class! If she's nice enough to do it, don't make her regret it. If she wants to be complete trooper, she will.....you can't make her. Which segues into this:

Don't force yer johnson into her throat! Let her do the driving! Keep yer paws off of her head, no matter how difficult that may seem. Cerressing her head is fine, but don't slam her nose into your belly button!

Tell her how she's doing........."Holy shit! That's just like mom used to make......." Oh, wait.....don't say that.

make her think she's giving you the best hummer that you have ever had! If she thinks she's a pro, she'll be more inclined to do it for you! (After all......she has you thinking you eat some great bush!)

You need to work with the gal, and you should be fine. If not, here's some word's my old man used to tell me:

"Son.....show me a woman who won't suck her man's crank, and I'll show you a guy who fools around!

He is, indeed, a wise man.

 

[JSMOOTH]

yyz,

yyz,

lmao....I'm kind enough to do that. I like your sense of humor though.