I am having a TERRIBLE day (It doen'st even feel like Friday)- and could use a laugh... any volunteers??
:help:
:banghead:
:help:
:banghead:
Somebody tell me a joke..............
- Thread starter NickiD
- Start date
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN...
compliment her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her....
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN...
show up naked,
bring beer.
compliment her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her....
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN...
show up naked,
bring beer.
The pope and a lawyer are on the elevator to heaven. When they arrive at the gates, there's a mad rush of angels, saints, and other holy people on their way to greet them.
When they arrive, they pick the lawyer up on their shoulders and carry him off cheering hysterically. The pope is deeply saddened.
St. Peter sees this and goes over to him and says, "Don't feel bad. We get popes in here all the time, it's not every day we get a lawyer."
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.
When they arrive, they pick the lawyer up on their shoulders and carry him off cheering hysterically. The pope is deeply saddened.
St. Peter sees this and goes over to him and says, "Don't feel bad. We get popes in here all the time, it's not every day we get a lawyer."
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.
Re: Somebody tell me a joke..............
NickiD
Let me think of one to make you laugh on a Friday.
It really depends on hard it is to make you laugh.
Do I need to tell a really funny one or would a simple joke work ?
Well OK ......here goes.....
My impression of freelanc telling a funny joke follows this thread.
Hope this works
KOD
...................................................NickiD said:
NickiD
Let me think of one to make you laugh on a Friday.
It really depends on hard it is to make you laugh.
Do I need to tell a really funny one or would a simple joke work ?
Well OK ......here goes.....
My impression of freelanc telling a funny joke follows this thread.
Hope this works
KOD
This little arogant kid walks into an ice cream store. He approaches the clerk and says" I'll have a chocolate ice cream cone." The clerk says,"We are out of chocolate!"
A few minutes goes by, and the little kid walks up to the clerk and says,"I'll have a chocolate ice cream cone." The clerk again says,"We are out of chocolate!!"
The little kid keeps looking at the menu board and says,"I'll have a chocolate ice cream cone"
The clerk is really getting pissed now. He grabs the kid by the collar and says listen kid. Spell van as in vanilla.
The kid says V..A..N
Ok, the clerk says, now spell straw as in strawberry.
The kids says S..T..R..A..W
The clerk looks at the kid and says,"Very good! Now spell FUK as in chocolate!!
The kid says,"There is NO FUK IN CHOCOLATE!"
The clerk then says,"That's what I have been trying to tell you!!!!"
:lol:
A few minutes goes by, and the little kid walks up to the clerk and says,"I'll have a chocolate ice cream cone." The clerk again says,"We are out of chocolate!!"
The little kid keeps looking at the menu board and says,"I'll have a chocolate ice cream cone"
The clerk is really getting pissed now. He grabs the kid by the collar and says listen kid. Spell van as in vanilla.
The kid says V..A..N
Ok, the clerk says, now spell straw as in strawberry.
The kids says S..T..R..A..W
The clerk looks at the kid and says,"Very good! Now spell FUK as in chocolate!!
The kid says,"There is NO FUK IN CHOCOLATE!"
The clerk then says,"That's what I have been trying to tell you!!!!"
:lol:
The other day my neighbor was telling me about finding his wife in bed with his best friend.
I said my god what did you do?
He said i told her to leave and never come back.
I said what about your best freind.
He said he rolled up the newspaper and hit him on the head and said BAD DOG, BAD BAD DOG.
Now he had a bad day!!!!!! moon1
I said my god what did you do?
He said i told her to leave and never come back.
I said what about your best freind.
He said he rolled up the newspaper and hit him on the head and said BAD DOG, BAD BAD DOG.
Now he had a bad day!!!!!! moon1
10 Top Reasons to Go to Work Naked
10 Top Reasons to Go to Work Naked
10. No one ever steals your chair.
9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.
8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.
7. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.
6. You want to see if it's like the dream.
5. To stop those creepy programmer guys from looking down your blouse.
4. "I'd love to chip in... but I left my wallet in my pants."
3. Inventive way to finally meet that 'special' person in Human
Resources.
2. Can take advantage of your computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
And the number one reason to go to work naked...
Your boss will never say, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!" ever
again.:moon:
10 Top Reasons to Go to Work Naked
10. No one ever steals your chair.
9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.
8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.
7. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.
6. You want to see if it's like the dream.
5. To stop those creepy programmer guys from looking down your blouse.
4. "I'd love to chip in... but I left my wallet in my pants."
3. Inventive way to finally meet that 'special' person in Human
Resources.
2. Can take advantage of your computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
And the number one reason to go to work naked...
Your boss will never say, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!" ever
again.:moon:
:142lmao: :142lmao:
You guys are the greatest!! That was a very good selection...
Scott - very creative and a great freelance impression
TJ - took me a minute on that one but then I LMAO
Pengiun.. loved yours - especiall Little Mary ... and the lawyer one was great - wonder if we will get any feedback from our counsel brethern and the few want-a-bees
K-Line - didn't get it but sometimes it takes me a while..........
and love the top 10 Intense...
Yeah this day is almost over I hate corporate america!
Jack, can I just come work for you?? or should I ask beantown to hire me I'm sure that work enviroment would be just heaven
You guys are the greatest!! That was a very good selection...
Scott - very creative and a great freelance impression
TJ - took me a minute on that one but then I LMAO
Pengiun.. loved yours - especiall Little Mary ... and the lawyer one was great - wonder if we will get any feedback from our counsel brethern and the few want-a-bees
K-Line - didn't get it but sometimes it takes me a while..........
and love the top 10 Intense...
Yeah this day is almost over I hate corporate america!
Jack, can I just come work for you?? or should I ask beantown to hire me I'm sure that work enviroment would be just heaven
