How can you possibly not love the Irish?
"Personal ads" in the Dublin News
Heavy drinker, 35, Cork area. Seeks gorgeous sex addict interested in a man who loves his pints, cigarettes, Glasgow Celtic Football Club and
starting fights on Patrick Street at three o'clock in the morning.
------------------------------------------------------
Bitter, disillusioned Dublin man, lately rejected by longtime fiancee, seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists in this cruel world of hatchet-faced bitches.
------------------------------------------------------
Ginger haired Galway man, a troublemaker, gets slit-eyed and shitty after a few pints, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe
more.
------------------------------------------------------
Bad tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard, living in a damp cottage in the arse end of Roscommon, seeks attractive 21 year old blonde lady, with a
lovely chest.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Devil-worshipper, Offaly area, seeks like-minded lady, for wining and dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks, and slaughtering
cats in cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon.
------------------------------------------------------
Limerick man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for the night of February 27 between 8 PM and 11:30 PM.
------------------------------------------------------
Optimistic Mayo man, 35, seeks a blonde 20 year old double-jointed supermodel, who owns her own brewery, and has an open-minded twin sister
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
GOOD OLE COUNTRY WISDOM
1. Country fences need to be horse high, pig tight, and bull strong.
2. Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.
3. Keep skunks and lawyers at a distance
4. Life is simpler when you plow around the stumps.
5. A bumblebee is faster than a John Deere tractor.
6. Trouble with a milk cow is she won't stay milked.
7. Don't skinny dip with snapping turtles.
8. Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled.
9. Meanness don't happen overnight.
10. To know how country folks are doing, look at their barns, not their houses.
11. Never lay an angry hand on a kid or an animal, it just ain't helpful.
12. Teachers, Moms, and hoot owls sleep with one eye open.
13. Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads.
14. Don't sell your mule to buy a plow.
15. Two can live as cheap as one, if one don't eat.
16. Don't corner something meaner than you.
17. You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar, assuming you want to catch flies.
18. Man is the only critter who feels the need to label things as flowers or weeds.
19. It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
20. Don't go huntin' with a fellow named Chug-A-Lug.
22. Every path has some puddles.
23. Don't wrestle with pigs: You'll get all muddy and the pigs will love it.
24. The best sermons are lived, not preached.
25. Most of the stuff people worry about never happens.
26. The Ten Commandments display was removed from the Alabama Supreme Court building. There was a good reason for the move: You can't post Thou Shalt Not Steal, Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery and Thou Shall Not Lie, in a building full of lawyers and politicians without creating a hostile work environment.
September 12th is Grandparents Day.
A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year old grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered.
The family ate together at the table but the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor.
When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth. The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess.
"We must do something about Grandfather," said the son. "I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor." So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner.
There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl.
When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a
fork or spilled food.
The four-year-old watched it all in silence.
One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor.
He asked the child sweetly, "What are you making?"
Just as sweetly, the boy responded, "Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food when I grow up."
The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.
The words so struck the parents that they were speechless.
Then tears started to stream down their cheeks.
Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done.
That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days, he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither
husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.
Children are remarkably perceptive.
Their eyes ever observe, their ears ever listen,
and their minds ever process the messages they absorb.
If they see us patiently provide a happy home atmosphere, they will imitate that attitude for the rest of their lives.
The wise parent realizes that every day the building blocks are being laid for the child's future.
Let's be wise builders and role models.
~Author Unknown~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Many years ago in a small Indian village, a farmer had the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to a village moneylender. The moneylender, who was old and ugly, fancied the farmer's beautiful daughter. So he proposed a bargain.
He said he would forgo the farmer's debt if he could marry his daughter. Both the farmer and his daughter were horrified by the proposal. So the cunning money-lender suggested that they let providence decide the matter. He told them that he would put a black pebble and a white pebble into an empty money bag.
Then the girl would have to pick one pebble from the bag.
1) If she picked the black pebble, she would become his wife and her father's debt would be forgiven.
2) If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father's debt would still be forgiven.
3) But if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into jail.
They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the farmer's field. As they talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. As he picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two black pebbles and put them into the bag. He then asked the girl to pick a pebble from the bag.
Now, imagine that you were standing in the field.
What would you have done if you were the girl?
If you had to advise her, what would you have
told her?
Careful analysis would produce three possibilities:
1. The girl should refuse to take a pebble.
2. The girl should show that there were two black pebbles in the bag and expose the money-lender as a cheat.
3. The girl should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order to save her father from his debt and imprisonment.
Take a moment to ponder over the story. The above story is used with the hope that it will make us appreciate the difference between lateral and logical thinking. The girl's dilemma cannot be solved with traditional logical thinking. Think of the consequences if she chooses the above logical answers.
What would you recommend to the Girl to do?
Well, here is what she did ....
The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles.
"Oh, how clumsy of me," she said. "But never mind, if you look into the bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I picked."
Since the remaining pebble is black, it must be assumed that she had picked the white one. And since the money-lender dared not admit his dishonesty, the girl changed what seemed an impossible situation into an extremely advantageous one.
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Most complex problems do have a solution. It is only that we don't attempt to think everything through.
"Any day above ground is a good day."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Personal ads" in the Dublin News
Heavy drinker, 35, Cork area. Seeks gorgeous sex addict interested in a man who loves his pints, cigarettes, Glasgow Celtic Football Club and
starting fights on Patrick Street at three o'clock in the morning.
------------------------------------------------------
Bitter, disillusioned Dublin man, lately rejected by longtime fiancee, seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists in this cruel world of hatchet-faced bitches.
------------------------------------------------------
Ginger haired Galway man, a troublemaker, gets slit-eyed and shitty after a few pints, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe
more.
------------------------------------------------------
Bad tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard, living in a damp cottage in the arse end of Roscommon, seeks attractive 21 year old blonde lady, with a
lovely chest.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Devil-worshipper, Offaly area, seeks like-minded lady, for wining and dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks, and slaughtering
cats in cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon.
------------------------------------------------------
Limerick man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for the night of February 27 between 8 PM and 11:30 PM.
------------------------------------------------------
Optimistic Mayo man, 35, seeks a blonde 20 year old double-jointed supermodel, who owns her own brewery, and has an open-minded twin sister
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
GOOD OLE COUNTRY WISDOM
1. Country fences need to be horse high, pig tight, and bull strong.
2. Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.
3. Keep skunks and lawyers at a distance
4. Life is simpler when you plow around the stumps.
5. A bumblebee is faster than a John Deere tractor.
6. Trouble with a milk cow is she won't stay milked.
7. Don't skinny dip with snapping turtles.
8. Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled.
9. Meanness don't happen overnight.
10. To know how country folks are doing, look at their barns, not their houses.
11. Never lay an angry hand on a kid or an animal, it just ain't helpful.
12. Teachers, Moms, and hoot owls sleep with one eye open.
13. Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads.
14. Don't sell your mule to buy a plow.
15. Two can live as cheap as one, if one don't eat.
16. Don't corner something meaner than you.
17. You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar, assuming you want to catch flies.
18. Man is the only critter who feels the need to label things as flowers or weeds.
19. It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
20. Don't go huntin' with a fellow named Chug-A-Lug.
22. Every path has some puddles.
23. Don't wrestle with pigs: You'll get all muddy and the pigs will love it.
24. The best sermons are lived, not preached.
25. Most of the stuff people worry about never happens.
26. The Ten Commandments display was removed from the Alabama Supreme Court building. There was a good reason for the move: You can't post Thou Shalt Not Steal, Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery and Thou Shall Not Lie, in a building full of lawyers and politicians without creating a hostile work environment.
September 12th is Grandparents Day.
A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year old grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered.
The family ate together at the table but the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor.
When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth. The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess.
"We must do something about Grandfather," said the son. "I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor." So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner.
There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl.
When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a
fork or spilled food.
The four-year-old watched it all in silence.
One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor.
He asked the child sweetly, "What are you making?"
Just as sweetly, the boy responded, "Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food when I grow up."
The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.
The words so struck the parents that they were speechless.
Then tears started to stream down their cheeks.
Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done.
That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days, he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither
husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.
Children are remarkably perceptive.
Their eyes ever observe, their ears ever listen,
and their minds ever process the messages they absorb.
If they see us patiently provide a happy home atmosphere, they will imitate that attitude for the rest of their lives.
The wise parent realizes that every day the building blocks are being laid for the child's future.
Let's be wise builders and role models.
~Author Unknown~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Many years ago in a small Indian village, a farmer had the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to a village moneylender. The moneylender, who was old and ugly, fancied the farmer's beautiful daughter. So he proposed a bargain.
He said he would forgo the farmer's debt if he could marry his daughter. Both the farmer and his daughter were horrified by the proposal. So the cunning money-lender suggested that they let providence decide the matter. He told them that he would put a black pebble and a white pebble into an empty money bag.
Then the girl would have to pick one pebble from the bag.
1) If she picked the black pebble, she would become his wife and her father's debt would be forgiven.
2) If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father's debt would still be forgiven.
3) But if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into jail.
They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the farmer's field. As they talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. As he picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two black pebbles and put them into the bag. He then asked the girl to pick a pebble from the bag.
Now, imagine that you were standing in the field.
What would you have done if you were the girl?
If you had to advise her, what would you have
told her?
Careful analysis would produce three possibilities:
1. The girl should refuse to take a pebble.
2. The girl should show that there were two black pebbles in the bag and expose the money-lender as a cheat.
3. The girl should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order to save her father from his debt and imprisonment.
Take a moment to ponder over the story. The above story is used with the hope that it will make us appreciate the difference between lateral and logical thinking. The girl's dilemma cannot be solved with traditional logical thinking. Think of the consequences if she chooses the above logical answers.
What would you recommend to the Girl to do?
Well, here is what she did ....
The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles.
"Oh, how clumsy of me," she said. "But never mind, if you look into the bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I picked."
Since the remaining pebble is black, it must be assumed that she had picked the white one. And since the money-lender dared not admit his dishonesty, the girl changed what seemed an impossible situation into an extremely advantageous one.
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Most complex problems do have a solution. It is only that we don't attempt to think everything through.
"Any day above ground is a good day."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
we have not heard a peep out of our "BeantownJim" lately..