Tell me your tales of relationship woe, and I will tell you what you should do about it. Others will, of course, join in.
The Doctor is in -- Monk's advice column
- Thread starter Felonious Monk
- Start date
Dear Monk,
I did not get Rosey Palm a Valentine for all of the good service I was provided this year. I am beginning to feel guilty and Rosey is becoming more and more callous toward me.
What should I do to get Rosey as soft as Charmin Toilet Paper towards me again.
Sincerly
Raw in Delaware
I did not get Rosey Palm a Valentine for all of the good service I was provided this year. I am beginning to feel guilty and Rosey is becoming more and more callous toward me.
What should I do to get Rosey as soft as Charmin Toilet Paper towards me again.
Sincerly
Raw in Delaware
Monk, there isn't enough time in 10 years for you to give me all the *advice* on the questions i'd have......LOL
Dear Dr. Monk.
How do you find a girl that does not wear you out with all her emotions?
Sincerely, Dr. Freeze
How do you find a girl that does not wear you out with all her emotions?
Sincerely, Dr. Freeze
dr. freeze,
you should go kill yourself. just kidding....yyz is right but I need to know how far along in the relationship you are with the person(s).
you should go kill yourself. just kidding....yyz is right but I need to know how far along in the relationship you are with the person(s).
Dear Dr Monk,
I'm thinking about buying a vibrating cockring to liven up my sex life, what do you recommend?
Thanks,
Pee Wee
I'm thinking about buying a vibrating cockring to liven up my sex life, what do you recommend?
Thanks,
Pee Wee
pee wee,
It takes more balls to stand up and deal with the issue in an unemotional rational way than it does to run away from it.
Have you ever considered becoming a gay male prostitute?
It takes more balls to stand up and deal with the issue in an unemotional rational way than it does to run away from it.
Have you ever considered becoming a gay male prostitute?
Thanks for the advice, Dr. Monk. I feel a lot better about myself already. I even went out and got a new suit. Do you think I'll be a success?
Your friend,
Pee Wee
Your friend,
Pee Wee
pee wee,
History teaches that even ugly, disgusting men get laid. Some pay for it (hell, we ALL pay for it eventually, don't we, at some point having to listen to someone's B/S and ask ourselves if it was worth it?) and others get by on charm or wealth.
I don't really think just because you're not getting it, it's the presentation. Rather, I think you should find a venue where the type of guy you're likely to find likes the presentation you're already giving.
Let's also remember that just as you have various categories of man/boy-hood that you place each member of your sex target in, so do they. If you just want to screw around, then obviously you're looking for the type of guy who only wants to screw around with you. If you're looking for a "let's just enjoy the now" relationship, you've got to find a guy who wants that.
Unfortunately, pee wee, it sound like you're having a hard time passing up the hot cock. Good luck in your adventures.
Keep 'em coming guys!
History teaches that even ugly, disgusting men get laid. Some pay for it (hell, we ALL pay for it eventually, don't we, at some point having to listen to someone's B/S and ask ourselves if it was worth it?) and others get by on charm or wealth.
I don't really think just because you're not getting it, it's the presentation. Rather, I think you should find a venue where the type of guy you're likely to find likes the presentation you're already giving.
Let's also remember that just as you have various categories of man/boy-hood that you place each member of your sex target in, so do they. If you just want to screw around, then obviously you're looking for the type of guy who only wants to screw around with you. If you're looking for a "let's just enjoy the now" relationship, you've got to find a guy who wants that.
Unfortunately, pee wee, it sound like you're having a hard time passing up the hot cock. Good luck in your adventures.
Keep 'em coming guys!
Dear Dr. Monk,
I have this problem with my sex drive (libido for the lay person)! I can't turn it off, I think about sex every second of everyday and it has started to become a problem what should I do?
Thanks in Advance,
Bluemound "the horny man" Freak!
I have this problem with my sex drive (libido for the lay person)! I can't turn it off, I think about sex every second of everyday and it has started to become a problem what should I do?
Thanks in Advance,
Bluemound "the horny man" Freak!
Bluemound,
I need to know if you are in a relationship or not. If so, tell me what the problem is.
Another thing, are you currently serving as wingman for some of your starving, diseased ethiopian friends with more sex appeal? You could fall on a grenade or two and still come out better than you apparently are now.
I need to know if you are in a relationship or not. If so, tell me what the problem is.
Another thing, are you currently serving as wingman for some of your starving, diseased ethiopian friends with more sex appeal? You could fall on a grenade or two and still come out better than you apparently are now.
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Monk, I'm single! and NO I aint the ugly guy either! Shit man I got all the game! I have just had a week long drought and it's starting to affect my everyday life. Just the other day I caught myself checking out the ass of this fine little honey and when she busted me checking her out I played dumb and said, "yes Sister Alice I will be in Church Sunday"
Catholic School has destroyed my life, naw hell naw it's what made me the Freak I am!:thefinger
Catholic School has destroyed my life, naw hell naw it's what made me the Freak I am!:thefinger
Dear Dr. Monk,
I?m a night security guard for a local Porta-Potty storage facility. Now, I know you?re thinking, what a lame job, but wait???I am so BLESSED!! Every night when I walk to the bus stop I get to see the woman of my dreams. Yes, that?s right. There is a bag lady who lives at MY bus stop. Lately, as I leave my Mom?s house to go to work, as soon as I see the bus stop in the distance I pop a chubby, knowing SHE will be there. I don?t know what it is........how she has her shopping cart arranged, her sharp outfits, or what!!
Here?s my question. Would it be way out of line for me to ask her to go dumpster diving on the first date? I?m so nervous.
Help me,
Unlucky at Love
I?m a night security guard for a local Porta-Potty storage facility. Now, I know you?re thinking, what a lame job, but wait???I am so BLESSED!! Every night when I walk to the bus stop I get to see the woman of my dreams. Yes, that?s right. There is a bag lady who lives at MY bus stop. Lately, as I leave my Mom?s house to go to work, as soon as I see the bus stop in the distance I pop a chubby, knowing SHE will be there. I don?t know what it is........how she has her shopping cart arranged, her sharp outfits, or what!!
Here?s my question. Would it be way out of line for me to ask her to go dumpster diving on the first date? I?m so nervous.
Help me,
Unlucky at Love
Blue,
I commend you for recoginizing the issue of being in a slump and asking the question before your mouth and dihk co-signed a check your heart can't cash.
You also have to stand up for who you are and stand up for yourself. You have to stand firm in the face of other people trying to change who you are, or to get you to do things you don't want to do. Be your own guy, Blue, and don't be afraid to go after YOUR dream.
I would recommend calling up an old fuhk buddy just to get the motor running again. Unless they start dropping hints about marriage and you being the father of their children, then your question might merit more consideration.
Many of the confirmed single but successful crowd find they have to resort to the young girl route to get what they want -- a "no strings" operation. Sometimes they find they tire of them when they ask the girl where she was when Nixon resigned, and she says "you mean that president guy, right?" Come to find out she wasn't even born until 1980 and believes that all events prior to that date occurred simultaneously.
Flipside, if you're dating a woman who's over 35 and never been married, look out. Either she needs to get married and have a baby, pronto, or there is probably some really good reason why this gal never honed in on a guy, or why no guy ever honed in on her. Either way, you're fuhked. By the time you figure out what the reason is and you're ready to go, you just fuhked up her last chance at happiness and fulfillment.
It's kind of in the middle there where it gets harder to figure. Sometimes women just feel like they want to know you'd want to be with them even if they didn't fuhk you, and once they figure that out, they'll go all night and kinky, too. Others are now looking for a relationship. They don't feel like every guy they go out with IS Mr. Right, only that he COULD be. Once they've ruled him out, it's over and time to clear the pipeline.
Even worse, some women seem to have spiritual epiphanies in their late 20's, and they commit to themselves that they're "not going to do that anymore," or it's "just not what they want" anymore. That's the worst of all, because then nobody has any fun.
Keep searching lover boy!
Anyone else?
I commend you for recoginizing the issue of being in a slump and asking the question before your mouth and dihk co-signed a check your heart can't cash.
You also have to stand up for who you are and stand up for yourself. You have to stand firm in the face of other people trying to change who you are, or to get you to do things you don't want to do. Be your own guy, Blue, and don't be afraid to go after YOUR dream.
I would recommend calling up an old fuhk buddy just to get the motor running again. Unless they start dropping hints about marriage and you being the father of their children, then your question might merit more consideration.
Many of the confirmed single but successful crowd find they have to resort to the young girl route to get what they want -- a "no strings" operation. Sometimes they find they tire of them when they ask the girl where she was when Nixon resigned, and she says "you mean that president guy, right?" Come to find out she wasn't even born until 1980 and believes that all events prior to that date occurred simultaneously.
Flipside, if you're dating a woman who's over 35 and never been married, look out. Either she needs to get married and have a baby, pronto, or there is probably some really good reason why this gal never honed in on a guy, or why no guy ever honed in on her. Either way, you're fuhked. By the time you figure out what the reason is and you're ready to go, you just fuhked up her last chance at happiness and fulfillment.
It's kind of in the middle there where it gets harder to figure. Sometimes women just feel like they want to know you'd want to be with them even if they didn't fuhk you, and once they figure that out, they'll go all night and kinky, too. Others are now looking for a relationship. They don't feel like every guy they go out with IS Mr. Right, only that he COULD be. Once they've ruled him out, it's over and time to clear the pipeline.
Even worse, some women seem to have spiritual epiphanies in their late 20's, and they commit to themselves that they're "not going to do that anymore," or it's "just not what they want" anymore. That's the worst of all, because then nobody has any fun.
Keep searching lover boy!
Anyone else?
Unlucky at Love,
I would first examine your target environments and think about adding new venues. Also do an inventory on your presentation--is there something the girl is sensing that may displease her in your appearance?
People--and this applies to girls too--have a primary defense mechanism when encountering a new person. One of the first senses that kicks in is, "This is/is not a genuine person." Most everything else flows from their reaction to that sense.
In the 70s, this sense could be somewhat negated by copius amounts of "High Karate" or "Brut" cologne (a heretofore unaccounted reason for the decade of free love). Technology has since caught up.
Don't go dumpster diving too soon or it could backfire. Take it slow...offer her a sandwich or some Zingers and go from there.
Good luck you smelly stud!
Next please......
I would first examine your target environments and think about adding new venues. Also do an inventory on your presentation--is there something the girl is sensing that may displease her in your appearance?
People--and this applies to girls too--have a primary defense mechanism when encountering a new person. One of the first senses that kicks in is, "This is/is not a genuine person." Most everything else flows from their reaction to that sense.
In the 70s, this sense could be somewhat negated by copius amounts of "High Karate" or "Brut" cologne (a heretofore unaccounted reason for the decade of free love). Technology has since caught up.
Don't go dumpster diving too soon or it could backfire. Take it slow...offer her a sandwich or some Zingers and go from there.
Good luck you smelly stud!
Next please......
Dear Dr Monk
Dear Dr Monk
The last time I went down on my girlfriend, I encountered enough "cheese" to think I was eating a smegmomlette. How do I tactfully tell her that if I want cheese with my fish sandwich that I can just go to McDonalds?
Dear Dr Monk
The last time I went down on my girlfriend, I encountered enough "cheese" to think I was eating a smegmomlette. How do I tactfully tell her that if I want cheese with my fish sandwich that I can just go to McDonalds?
