THE EIFFEL TOWER IS A PORTAL TO HELL
BY DEBBIE FANATIA
For generations, Parisians have known that the Eiffel Tower is a portal to hell, and have left unsuspecting tourists prey to Satan's sinister minions who enter our world through a secret trap door under the tower.
"People frequently say they leave the tower changed, and they do. The demons sometimes take people back down with them, but more often they suck their souls and leave the bodies to climb back down in a daze and carry out their evil missions," says Jacques Boudreau, visibly shuddering.
"Parisians have known about the portal for years. Why do you think you don't see Frenchmen up there? We'd just as soon leave the tourists to the demons, especially the Americans."
Witnesses report horrid smells and sordid noises coming from under the tower, but officials have been told to attribute it to traffic noises and poor plumbing in the tower's restaurants. Locals, however, have learned to spot afflicted tourists and avoid them at all costs. "I see a glassy-eyed American come into my bakery, first thing I ask him is if he's been to the Eiffel Tower," says Richard Mouton, a local. "He says yes, I throw him out."
:scared :scared
BY DEBBIE FANATIA
For generations, Parisians have known that the Eiffel Tower is a portal to hell, and have left unsuspecting tourists prey to Satan's sinister minions who enter our world through a secret trap door under the tower.
"People frequently say they leave the tower changed, and they do. The demons sometimes take people back down with them, but more often they suck their souls and leave the bodies to climb back down in a daze and carry out their evil missions," says Jacques Boudreau, visibly shuddering.
"Parisians have known about the portal for years. Why do you think you don't see Frenchmen up there? We'd just as soon leave the tourists to the demons, especially the Americans."
Witnesses report horrid smells and sordid noises coming from under the tower, but officials have been told to attribute it to traffic noises and poor plumbing in the tower's restaurants. Locals, however, have learned to spot afflicted tourists and avoid them at all costs. "I see a glassy-eyed American come into my bakery, first thing I ask him is if he's been to the Eiffel Tower," says Richard Mouton, a local. "He says yes, I throw him out."
:scared :scared
