the escaped prisoner

[AR182]

A prisoner escapes from his prison where he had been kept for 15 years.
As
he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it looking for money and
guns, but he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed,
ties
him up on a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed he gets on top
of
her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.
While
he is in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He
probably
spent lots of time in prison, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw
how he
kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just
do
what he tells you, give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous,
if he
gets angry, he will kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was
whispering
in my ear. He told me he was gay and found you very sexy and asked if
we
kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. "Be strong, honey, I love you
too..."

 

[MadJack]

good one, ar182. here's one

good one, ar182. here's one

A man walks into a bar and says, "Hey, bartender, I'll bet you fifteen bucks I can bite my eye."

The bartender says, "You're on."

So the man pulls out his glass eye and bites it.

Then, the man says, "I'll bet you twenty-five bucks I can bite my other eye."

The bartender thinks, There is no way this guy has two glass eyes. So he says to the man, "Ok, you're on."

So, the man pulls out his dentures and bites his eye with them.

The bartender says, "Man, you're good."

Three hours later, the man comes back and says, "I'll give you a chance to win your money back. See that shot glass on the other end of the bar? I'll bet you a hundred fifty bucks I can piss in it from here and not miss a drop."

The bartenter says, "Ok".

So, the man unzips his pants starts peeing, and there's pee flying everywhere. None of it goes in the glass. The bartender is all happy and says, "You owe me a hundred and fifty bucks!"

The man says, "Ok, but see that man over there? I bet him $350 that I would piss all over your bar and you'd clean it up with a smile on your face."

 

[AR182]

jack, maybe we can take our act on the road. here's another one:

Cowboy Story


A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the desert without
water. His horse has already died of thirst. He's crawling through the
sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden, he
sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what
looks to be an old brief case. He opens it and out pops a genie. But
this is no ordinary genie. She is wearing an Internal Revenue Service,
ID badge and a dull gray dress. There's a calculator in her pocketbook.
She has a pencil tucked behind one ear.

"Well, cowboy," says the genie... "You know how it works. You have three

wishes."

"I'm not falling for this." Says the man. "I'm not going to trust an IRS

auditor."

"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks
like you're a goner any! way!"

The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is
right. "OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and
drink."

***POOF***

The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen.
And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

"OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish."

"My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams."

***POOF***

The man finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare
gold coins and precious gems.

"OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good
one!"

After thinking for a few minutes, the man says.. "I wish that no matter
where I go, beautiful women will want and need me."

***POOF***

He is turned into a tampon.

The moral of the story: If the government offers you anything, there's
going to be a string attached.

 

[DJTranks]

Very good guys keep em coming!!

Jack I liked yours a lot!!