My nerves is wrecked.
Heart beatin' and my hands is swollen.
Thinkin of the G's I'll be holdin.
Picture me rollin.
-- 2Pac
3:15. Sunday afternoon in California.
I'm kicking back with the fourth quarters of the late games, calculating my record for the week. Thanks to the Texans (4-point dogs) forcing OT and somehow not covering, I went just 4-3 picking the early games. Now I'm headed for 4-1 in the late games. If I nail Sunday/Monday night, that's a 10-4 week. Plus, once the Cardinals (up by 16) and Seahawks (up by 17) close out their games -- I only need them both to win -- I would have nailed every one of my Sunday wagers except for the Texans (a heartbreaker if you had the money line).
Well, there goes the plan of the Sports Guy spending his winnings on that Torry Holt replica jersey.
Picture me rollin'.
So what happens? The Niners get the cheap TD and the "Uh-oh" two-point conversion. Bulger catches fire like Paul Crewe in the last 20 minutes of "The Longest Yard." Brandon Lloyd makes an outrageous TD catch to bring the Niners within 2, followed by the inevitable two-point conversion for the tie. Meanwhile, with the Rams down by three and out of timeouts, the Seahawks run out the last three minutes with a pass (first down), another pass (incomplete), a run (clock stops at the two-minute warning), and another pass (incomplete) -- earning Mike Holmgren an immediate Masters from the Art Shell School of Clock Management.
You remember what happened next. The Rams sent it into OT. Both the Rams and Niners won their coin tosses. Both teams easily scored on their first drive. And I learned a lesson that I already knew: No matter how well you're doing, no matter how safe you're feeling, always keep your guard up until you're holdin' those G's.
Onto the picks for Week 6 ...
Home team in caps
APPETIZERS
Packers (+2) over LIONS
When did the "Holy Crap, I totally forgot Mike Sherman is a terrible coach!" light bulb start flickering over your head? For me, it was the second quarter of the Monday night game.
Unfortunately ...
I can't pick against them with Joey Harrington, Artose Pinner, Tai Streets and Az Hakim prominently involved. I just can't do it. I tried. Really, I did. Even typed it out and everything.
BY THE NUMBERS AFTER SIX WEEKS
Favorites -- 30-41-3
Home Teams -- 30-41-3
Home Underogs -- 10-10-1
Underdogs winning outright -- 31 for 42 (76%)
Seahawks (+4) over PATRIOTS
Scary game for the banged-up Pats, between the injuries, Brady's S.I. cover, the weight of the streak, and a good Seahawks team that will be desperate after last week's debacle (and those things happen -- remember, it almost happened to the Pats last year against Indy). I don't feel good about this game at all. And that's not even a reverse jinx.
(As far as you know.)
One thing I wanted to mention: Peter King mentioned an e-mail exchange we had this summer in his latest "Monday Morning Quarterback" column -- one of my favorite columns, as I've mentioned many times -- but neglected to give you the background of the exchange. We were debating Dillon's impact on the 2004 Patriots. Both of us agreed that Dillon, if healthy and motivated, would be an enormous upgrade at RB. My point was that Antowain Smith wasn't as bad as people thought -- he always came through in big games, never fumbled in big spots and was exceedingly durable. He was also a good guy. And they won two Super Bowls with him.
Yes, you make the Dillon trade. But I always felt that Smith's role in those two Super Bowl seasons was overlooked. That was my point. I don't hold it against Peter for forgetting this -- he's been recovering from minor injuries after the Jake Plummer MVP Bandwagon slammed into a telephone pole last weekend.
BEARS (-1) over Redskins
When I was watching Kenny Albert during the ALCS this week, I was thinking about how the Alberts probably have a black sheep wanna-be broadcaster in the family, one of those Bruce Buffer-type guys who kept trying to piggy-back Marv, Steve, Al, Kenny and everyone else into an ill-fated play-by-play career. You know it's one of the cousins. Probably even has the big head of black hair and everything.
Here's the point: This would be the perfect game for Fox to break the Black Sheep Albert out. Even Bears and Redkins fans don't want to watch this game. So why not have some fun with it? And if he doesn't exist, just throw a bad wig on Frank Caliendo and have him pretend to be the Black Sheep Albert Cousin for four quarters. I really think this would work. When you have Dr. Jonathan Quinn and Mark Brunell matching Johnny Damon throws for 60 minutes, you need something to liven things up.
Fred Taylor has only 1 TD so far? That makes him due for a big game.
JAGUARS (+2) over Chiefs
Shhhhhhhhhh ...
(Can you hear that sound?)
Shhhhhhhhhh ...
(Wait a second ...)
I think that's the sound of the Fred Taylor Roto Breakout Week ...
(Just stay perfectly quiet for two seconds ...)
Bengals (+3) over BROWNS
Question: When Jeff Garcia and Butch Davis are feuding, are Browns fans expected to choose sides? Is it like the Bush-Kerry thing where you just keep listening to the quotes and the petty barbs and thinking, "One of these days, I'll probably have to form an opinion about this?" Or do you just root for them to fight to the death? I'd love to know how this works.
Heart beatin' and my hands is swollen.
Thinkin of the G's I'll be holdin.
Picture me rollin.
-- 2Pac
3:15. Sunday afternoon in California.
I'm kicking back with the fourth quarters of the late games, calculating my record for the week. Thanks to the Texans (4-point dogs) forcing OT and somehow not covering, I went just 4-3 picking the early games. Now I'm headed for 4-1 in the late games. If I nail Sunday/Monday night, that's a 10-4 week. Plus, once the Cardinals (up by 16) and Seahawks (up by 17) close out their games -- I only need them both to win -- I would have nailed every one of my Sunday wagers except for the Texans (a heartbreaker if you had the money line).
Well, there goes the plan of the Sports Guy spending his winnings on that Torry Holt replica jersey.
Picture me rollin'.
So what happens? The Niners get the cheap TD and the "Uh-oh" two-point conversion. Bulger catches fire like Paul Crewe in the last 20 minutes of "The Longest Yard." Brandon Lloyd makes an outrageous TD catch to bring the Niners within 2, followed by the inevitable two-point conversion for the tie. Meanwhile, with the Rams down by three and out of timeouts, the Seahawks run out the last three minutes with a pass (first down), another pass (incomplete), a run (clock stops at the two-minute warning), and another pass (incomplete) -- earning Mike Holmgren an immediate Masters from the Art Shell School of Clock Management.
You remember what happened next. The Rams sent it into OT. Both the Rams and Niners won their coin tosses. Both teams easily scored on their first drive. And I learned a lesson that I already knew: No matter how well you're doing, no matter how safe you're feeling, always keep your guard up until you're holdin' those G's.
Onto the picks for Week 6 ...
Home team in caps
APPETIZERS
Packers (+2) over LIONS
When did the "Holy Crap, I totally forgot Mike Sherman is a terrible coach!" light bulb start flickering over your head? For me, it was the second quarter of the Monday night game.
Unfortunately ...
I can't pick against them with Joey Harrington, Artose Pinner, Tai Streets and Az Hakim prominently involved. I just can't do it. I tried. Really, I did. Even typed it out and everything.
BY THE NUMBERS AFTER SIX WEEKS
Favorites -- 30-41-3
Home Teams -- 30-41-3
Home Underogs -- 10-10-1
Underdogs winning outright -- 31 for 42 (76%)
Seahawks (+4) over PATRIOTS
Scary game for the banged-up Pats, between the injuries, Brady's S.I. cover, the weight of the streak, and a good Seahawks team that will be desperate after last week's debacle (and those things happen -- remember, it almost happened to the Pats last year against Indy). I don't feel good about this game at all. And that's not even a reverse jinx.
(As far as you know.)
One thing I wanted to mention: Peter King mentioned an e-mail exchange we had this summer in his latest "Monday Morning Quarterback" column -- one of my favorite columns, as I've mentioned many times -- but neglected to give you the background of the exchange. We were debating Dillon's impact on the 2004 Patriots. Both of us agreed that Dillon, if healthy and motivated, would be an enormous upgrade at RB. My point was that Antowain Smith wasn't as bad as people thought -- he always came through in big games, never fumbled in big spots and was exceedingly durable. He was also a good guy. And they won two Super Bowls with him.
Yes, you make the Dillon trade. But I always felt that Smith's role in those two Super Bowl seasons was overlooked. That was my point. I don't hold it against Peter for forgetting this -- he's been recovering from minor injuries after the Jake Plummer MVP Bandwagon slammed into a telephone pole last weekend.
BEARS (-1) over Redskins
When I was watching Kenny Albert during the ALCS this week, I was thinking about how the Alberts probably have a black sheep wanna-be broadcaster in the family, one of those Bruce Buffer-type guys who kept trying to piggy-back Marv, Steve, Al, Kenny and everyone else into an ill-fated play-by-play career. You know it's one of the cousins. Probably even has the big head of black hair and everything.
Here's the point: This would be the perfect game for Fox to break the Black Sheep Albert out. Even Bears and Redkins fans don't want to watch this game. So why not have some fun with it? And if he doesn't exist, just throw a bad wig on Frank Caliendo and have him pretend to be the Black Sheep Albert Cousin for four quarters. I really think this would work. When you have Dr. Jonathan Quinn and Mark Brunell matching Johnny Damon throws for 60 minutes, you need something to liven things up.
Fred Taylor has only 1 TD so far? That makes him due for a big game.
JAGUARS (+2) over Chiefs
Shhhhhhhhhh ...
(Can you hear that sound?)
Shhhhhhhhhh ...
(Wait a second ...)
I think that's the sound of the Fred Taylor Roto Breakout Week ...
(Just stay perfectly quiet for two seconds ...)
Bengals (+3) over BROWNS
Question: When Jeff Garcia and Butch Davis are feuding, are Browns fans expected to choose sides? Is it like the Bush-Kerry thing where you just keep listening to the quotes and the petty barbs and thinking, "One of these days, I'll probably have to form an opinion about this?" Or do you just root for them to fight to the death? I'd love to know how this works.
