Reminds me of college...
Reminds me of college...
This topic reminds me of an experience I had in college (way back when) that to this very day has had a profound and life-altering effect on yours truly.
Went out one night with my roomates carrying about $20.00. Drank about 15 Burger beers (local variety rot gut, but when your in school...). Each quality beer was about $.50 (non-happy hour prices).
After leaving the bar (Crows I think), I stumbled my way into the nearest Whitey Castiles Aluminum Room and ordered six sliders to go (with a large order of onion chips). Further stumbling, I arrived at my door room at about 2:00 AM.
Now I am about to provide you with some knowledge I learned that night that will allow you to impress upon those closest to you the creative genius that lies within each of us.
If you follow what I am about to tell you, I believe you will experience sensations and tap into areas of yourself that you did not know you were capable of, thereby further learning of the possibilities that humans can achieve.
Upon entering my door room, I opened the 2' Avanti refrigerator lying on the floor which supported my stereo and Pink Floyd albums. I withdrew the last Burger Beer from the fridge which was standing next to the only other item in the Avanti, a jar of Frenchs mustard.
I placed the beer, the six white castle cheeseburgers and the bag of large onion chips on the night stand next to my bed, turned on the TV and began watching Little Shop of Horrors on Bob Schreve's All-Night Theatre.
Shortly thereafter, I passed out, leaving the food and beer untouched on my night stand. The following afternoon, at approximately 1:00 PM I awakened with a throbbing headache and Leave it to Beaver on television (which had not been turned off).
I stole a couple of Bayer aspirin from my roomate and opened the warm Burger beer setting next to my bed. I took the aspirins, sipped on the beer and, since the cafeteria had closed, began consuming the six, cold, cheeseburgers and onion chips.
Totally engrossed with the Cleaver family, I ate all six burgers, the large bag of onion chips and consumed the entire warm Burger beer. What occured within the next half hour was nothing short of miraculous.
The farts that his 170 lb body created with of such a texture, aroma, and strenth that has never before been appreciated by humankind. Literally, the farts (too numerous too mention) caused a haze to semi-occlude my vision of Lumpy and Wally on TV and nearly caused dorm mates down the hall to call the fire department.
My roomate went to the RA and asked to be transferred, not only from my room, but from the entire dormitory as he felt the enviromental clean-up from this disaster could not be resolved prior to his matriculation from the University some four years hence.
Literally, I never thought I was capable of creating the masterpieces that occured that afternoon in Cincinnati. I owe it all to a hangover, six cold White Castle cheeseburgers, a cold bag of onion chips and a warm Burger beer.
If any of you gentlemen want to test your limits. Too all my Republican friends on this board who have acted so macho in the past I throw out this challenge. If you think you have the intestinal fortitude to go where no human being has gone before, I suggest you try this recipe for creating the most dangerous, deadly farts imaginable.
Flatulance forever,
Wendys never,
Aromatically yours,
Ed
